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19 Nocturne Boulevard


19 Nocturne Boulevard is an award-winning anthology audio drama series that ran from 2008 through 2013, and then went into deep hibernation.

STILL working on that Comeback!!

Also the creator of Fatal Girl, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Lovecraft 5, The Prisoner of Hancock House, The Decadence of Borrowed Silk, Eternal Dusk Roulette, and Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories.                                                        Join our awesome Patreon supporters!

Jun 17, 2022

A poor but nerdy taxidermist is hired to mount the trophy of a lifetime.  

Cast List
Debra Meeks - Emmatrice Devan
Curt - Cole Hornaday
Dougie - George Dunn
Da Boss - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Mrs. Olsen - Femnomena
Zalmoxis - Danar Hoverson
Roderick - Julie Hoverson

Music by Deied
Theme music by Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound:  Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:  Julie Hoverson
[Taxidermy pics used with permission from Custom Creature Taxidermy Arts]

"What kind of a place is it?
Why, it's the street outside a taxidermist's workshop, can't you tell?"

************************************************************************

 

A STITCH IN TIME

Cast:

Olivia

Debra Meeks, lonely taxidermist

Curt Buchner, low-level thug

Dougie Block, ranking thug

William Buchner, high-level cultist

Mrs. Olsen, next door with cats

Zalmoxis, ancient god

OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's the street outside a taxidermist's workshop, can't you tell? 

MUSIC

SOUND     INSIDE CAR NOISES (not driving), RAIN

SOUND    RADIO TURNS OFF, MUSIC OUT

CURT    [sincere]  Nice night.

DOUGIE    Nice?  You like rain?

CURT    [eager] Yeah.  Course, it's better when there's lightning too.

DOUGIE    You wouldn't want to be in the car then - too much metal

CURT    [eager] Oh, no, just the opposite - the tires would protect us.  Keep us from being grounded.

DOUGIE    Right.  Whatever.

CURT    [musing] Especially wouldn't want to be outside if you had a metal plate in your head.

DOUGIE    A what?  [half a laugh] How many people do you actually know with a freaking metal plate in their head?

CURT    Um...  [thinks] six.

DOUGIE    Six?  you know six freaking people with --  Nah!  You're so full of shit your eyes are brown.

CURT    Six.  Benny the geek, Mr. Jones, my gramps - got his in Okinawa, my uncle Lenny - in Nam, my niece Bevvy--

DOUGIE    Your niece?  She see action overseas too?

CURT    Don't be silly, she's five.  Playground accident, but she's doing fine - her dad even shaved his head to match hers so she won't feel so self-conscious til her hair grows back to cover the scar.

DOUGIE    So who's number six?

CURT    Hmm?

DOUGIE    That's five, who's six?

CURT    Oh!  [chuckles] Me.

DOUGIE    Great, runs in the family.

CURT    Guess you could say that.  I--

DOUGIE    Oops.  Time to bring in the packages.  Don't want to be late - you know the boss.

SOUND    GETTING OUT OF THE CAR

DOUGIE    "D. Meeks, Taxidermy"  Hey - that's funny, "D. Meeks"

CURT    Huh?

DOUGIE    You know, D. Meeks'll inherit D Earth, and all that. [laughs]

CURT    [missed it by a mile] Oh.  Um, I guess so.

DOUGIE    [Exasperated noise]

MUSIC

DEBRA    [very uncomfortable, searching for excuses] Never done anything big - I mean, I did take a prize for mounting a bear, but it was a really really small brown.

WILLIAM    ["mob boss"] I don't think you understand my... uh... position, dear lady.  I have come to you, not with a request, but a requirement.

DEBRA    But why me?

WILLIAM    I have seen your work, and know of the prizes you have taken, and believe you are the only one who can do the job I need done with the grace and skill I need it to be done with.

SOUND    THUMPING AS SOMETHING BIG AND HEAVY IS DROPPED IN HALL.  THEN A TENTATIVE KNOCK AT THE DOOR

WILLIAM    [sigh] Both of which are qualities sorely lacking these days.  [sigh] Raoul, let them in.

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS

DEBRA    What exactly do you need stuffed?

WILLIAM    We will get to that in a moment, first--

SOUND    DOOR OPENS

WILLIAM    --Ah, Curt, Dougie, so glad you could join us. 

DEBRA    [quiet, to herself] That's funny, I once had a cat named Doogie.  No, that's wrong - I once stuffed a cat named Doogie.

DOUGIE    [fawning]  Glad to help, Mr. Williams.

SOUND    DOOR CLOSES

WILLIAM    The young lady here is Debra Meeks - a true artiste.  I believe you have something for her, Dougie?

DEBRA    [quiet, to herself] Doogie mouser.

DOUGIE    Right here, Mr. Williams.

CURT    [Snickers, getting her joke]

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, BRIEFCASE SET ON BENCH, LATCHES SNAP, CASE OPENS

DEBRA    Holy crow!  Is that--?

WILLIAM    Two-hundred, fifty thousand dollars.  Which, coincidentally, is just about twice your total debts, what with the failing business and the house and all - rounded up, of course, since no one likes small change...

DEBRA    And I just have to do the one job?

WILLIAM    Just one.  But I must have your absolute assurance and agreement before I can show you the subject in question.

DEBRA    [thinking, muttering]  I could really--

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

DEBRA    --really use that, wouldn't have to do any more crummy data entry--

WILLIAMS    The offer expires in 30 seconds, my dear young lady.  Please think quickly.

DEBRA    [muttered]  Hang gliding, jello body rub, Trip to Mall of America, scatter dad properly...

WILLIAMS    Five.  Four.  Three.

DEBRA    All right.  Whatever you want.

WILLIAMS    I do require absolute discretion.  Can you guarantee that? 

DEBRA    Ye-es.  Yes. 

WILLIAMS    Good.  Why don't you boys bring in the other package.

DOUGIE    Gotcha.  Sir.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS AGAIN, HEAVY ITEM ROLLED IN

DEBRA    [gasp]

MUSIC

DEBRA    [hyperventilating into a paper bag]

CURT    Come on, it ain't that bad.

DEBRA    But -- [gasp, goes back into bag]

CURT    You musta seen all kinds of dead things before.

SOUND    BAG SNATCHED AWAY, SQUEAKY TOY STARTS UP

DEBRA    Not a person

CURT    Just think of it as a really big ... badger or something.

WILLIAMS    [off, sweet] Are you ready to hear the rest of your commission, Miss Meeks?  [harder] Curt?

CURT    [calling over shoulder]  Just about.  [back to her] Come on. 

DEBRA    Badger.  Right.  [deep breath]  A big, [gasp] bald, [breath] badger.  [bad accent] We don't need no steenkin'--

CURT    [low] You might want to stop with the squeaking.  I think it's getting on the boss's nerves.

DEBRA    The..? 

SOUND    SLOW LET GO OF THE SQUEAK

DEBRA    Oh.  It helps with stress.

CURT    Yours, maybe - but his...?  Ya know.

DEBRA    Um-hmm.

SOUND    SQUEAKY OUT

WILLIAMS    So glad you could rejoin us.  I apologize for the shock this must be, but you see now why I was forced to extract your agreement before I could show you the subject?

DEBRA    Uh-huh.

SOUND    SLOW SQUEAK, IN-OUT

MUSIC

DEBRA    [irritated, "move out of my way"] Excuse me.

DOUGIE    [snort]

DEBRA    Can you bring ... that ...on in here?  I have to... well, I have to see what needs to be done.

DOUGIE    It's not as heavy as it looks.  Get it yourself.  I'm just supposed to keep an eye on you.  Make sure you don't phone no one or louse this up.

DEBRA    Your boss said you were supposed to make sure I got it done right.

DOUGIE    Yeah, well, who's stopping you?

DEBRA    [loud sigh/growl of exasperation]

SOUND    ANGRY FOOTSTEPS, TRYING TO MOVE A HEAVY OBJECT [COFFIN] ON WHEELS, BUT BANGING INTO WALLS

DEBRA    This is a two person job!

DOUGIE    I ain't in the mortician's union.

DEBRA    Fine.

SOUND    COFFIN LID RAISES, SLAMS INTO WALL

DEBRA    It would be the feet end.  [sigh]  Ok -- ew!

SOUND    SCUFFLE OF FABRIC, SQUEAKY TOY GOES A MILE A MINUTE

DOUGIE    Leave off, already!

DEBRA    He's still warm!  Ew!

MUSIC     SOMBER, FUNEREAL

SOUNDS    THROUGHOUT, ODD PLOPS AND DRIPS, CUTTING NOISES

CURT    So if you've won all these awards, how come you're broke?

DEBRA    Not much call for taxidermy, these days - PETA, all that.  We fly a little under the radar, since fur coats are a bigger splash in the news, but we take our share of flack.

SOUND    HEAVY PLOP

CURT    So why do it? 

DEBRA    I'm good at it.  You don't stop doing something you're good at just cause no one cares, do ya?

CURT    But what if what you're good at doesn't ... well... get you anywhere?

SOUND    ALL AMBIANCE STOPS, EXCEPT DRIPPING NOISES

DEBRA    [wipes face with back of sleeve] Like what?

CURT    I ran track.  A lot.  But what does that do for you, unless you want to be a fugitive on Cops?

DEBRA    [giggles]

CURT    Why're you taking off your glasses?

DEBRA    Just trying to picture you with your face all blurred out.

SOUND    CUTTING AND NOISES BEGIN AGAIN, A MOMENT OF JUST THIS, THEN:

DEBRA    How'd you go from track to - um -

CURT    Wiseguy?

DEBRA    Is that what it's called?

CURT    Good enough.  [shrugs] Mister Williams is my uncle.  It ain't a bad job.  [beat]  What got you into this?  This dead animal stuff?

DEBRA    Promise you won't laugh?

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

CURT    Sure.

DEBRA    No really, promise.

CURT    I promise.

DEBRA    I was about seven.  It was a - bad time.  My folks were using me as the tug in a divorce tug-o-war, so I took apart my teddy bear, to see what made him squeak.  I very carefully picked out the stitches and pulled this out‑‑

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

CURT    Your keychain?

DEBRA    No, I put it on there years later. 

CURT    Most kids, when they operate on a toy, decide to become doctors.  [shrug]  Or serial killers.

DEBRA    Yeah, but I restuffed and sewed him back up again.  Over and over again.  I kept sewing different things into him, too.  Trying to see how much I could hide in there.

SOUND    BIG PLOP

DEBRA    Uhhh.  Hand me the hose?

MUSIC

AMBIANCE    SCRAPING SOUNDS

DEBRA    I had to choose between maintaining the carcass or the skin.  Your boss indicated he needed the skin as intact as possible--

SOUND    MAGAZINE PAGE TURNS

DOUGIE    Whatever.  You know, I ain't actually listening to you. 

DEBRA    --So I won't be able to make a mold from the original carcass, since I'm having to sacrifice the smaller bits, like fingers-- What?

DOUGIE    I'm not listening.

DEBRA    Why not?  You could learn something.

DOUGIE    I could also lose my lunch.  [sigh]

SOUND    MAGAZINE SLAPPED DOWN

DOUGIE    How does a moderately cute dame like you end up elbow deep in guts on a daily basis?

DEBRA    I-- I don't know. 

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY A COUPLE OF TIMES

DOUGIE    You almost done here?  The boss is supposed to be back with your next set of instructions this evening.

DEBRA    Just the hardest bits are left - you know - very delicate, paper thin skin, lots of crenellations.  I wonder if I could just cut 'em off, hollow 'em out, and rebuild 'em later?

DOUGIE    [very creeped]  Ohhhhh.  Now I'm really not listening.  Urp.

SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR

DEBRA    What's he got against ears?

MUSIC

WILLIAMS    And the progress?

DEBRA    I got the hide off, but it’s not all in one piece - humans just don't come apart that easily.  Our... skin... is really ...um.... too thin.  I can stitch it back together, but there's also no pelt to cover up the stitches--

WILLIAMS    The stitches will be fine.  And I've brought you the stuffing materials--

DEBRA    Mounting.  We prefer "mounting".   Anyway, really what I need next is a drum of grease cutter - mild dishwashing liquid'll do - don't want anything too harsh that'll dry out the--

WILLIAMS    Dougie will get it for you.  [an order] Won't you Dougie?  For now, I have brought you your mounting materials.  You understand that it is very important to use what I brought and only what I brought.  I even have special thread for you to use for stitching it all up again.

DEBRA    But I - I need a framework - heavy sculpted foam works just fine, [slowing a bit] though I can't exactly order off the rack for--

WILLIAMS    You may have noticed this project is ... unique. 

SOUND    RUSTLE OF A LARGE SHEAF OF PAPERS

WILLIAMS     I have very specific requirements as to how you are to proceed.

SOUND    KNOCK AT THE DOOR

WILLIAMS    What is that?  You were supposed to--

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY GOES LIKE CRAZY

DEBRA    I'll tell them to go away.

DOUGIE    [menacing] If you don't I will.

MRS. OLSEN    [muffled] Debbie?  Dear?  It's time!

DEBRA    Oh, jeez. 

WILLIAMS    What?

DEBRA    My landlady Mrs. Olsen - we have this standing agreement that whenever one of her cats dies, She brings it on in.

MRS. OLSEN    Debbie?  I know you're in there!

DEBRA    I'll go get Roderick and put him on ice until I'm done with [swallows nervously] your project. 

WILLIAMS    Won't she notice if it takes longer than usual? 

DEBRA    Nah.  She's pretty gone - up there.  I'll just keep telling her she only brought him in yesterday...

SOUND    DOOR UNLOCKS

DEBRA    Psst.  Don't let her see you.

DOUGIE    Hmph.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS

MRS. OLSEN    Oh, there you are, Debbie.  Did I catch you in the crapper?  I'm so sorry, but poor Mr. Roderick's time has come.

DEBRA    I'm so very sorry.

MRS. OLSEN    That's all right.  He's in a better place.  Cream and honey.  Cream and honey.  Here's his poor little body.  You always do such a good job for me, Debbie.

DEBRA    I know. Yeah.  I'll bring him back to you when he's ready to rejoin the family.

MRS. OLSEN    So kind.  Now I must get home - Roderick's about to have kittens!

SOUND    DOOR SHUTS

DOUGIE    I thought ... Roderick was dead. 

DEBRA    She names all her cats Roderick.  Saves on changing the names on the bowls.

DOUGIE    How many have you--?

DEBRA    Thirty four.

DOUGIE    How many does she--?

DEBRA    Depends on how big a litter Roderick has.

MUSIC

WILLIAMS    So, now you have these big bags of--  Dougie?

DOUGIE    Yeah?  Uh, here, boss.

SOUND    HEAVY BAG DUMPED ON FLOOR, CRUNCHES

WILLIAMS    We'll just call them Tana leaves.  Got it?  They must fill up the bulk of the body. 

SOUND    BAG BEING POKED

DEBRA    They're kind of pokey.  Might tear the ... hide.  Can I grind them? 

WILLIAMS    Hmm.  I don't see why not - but let me get back to you on that before you go off and do something unfortunate. 

DEBRA    Ok.  Um...

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

WILLIAMS    [waits a second, then]  Yeah?  Speak up?

DEBRA    I only ask, because it does affect how I do my job, ok?

WILLIAMS    Only ask what?

DEBRA    Is this - the whole thing - something that needs to...um....last?  Is it going to be moved around a lot?

WILLIAMS    Let's say - yes.

DEBRA    And you really sure you don't want a central framework?  Not even wire reinforcement?

WILLIAMS    That's what I said.

DEBRA    I need to reinforce the hide somehow or those leaves will rub the crap out of it. 

CURT    The skin can tear real easy.

DEBRA    Yeah.

WILLIAMS    I'll check on that.  You got stuff to do until I get back to you, right?  Good.

MUSIC

SOUND    SOMETHING LARGE PULLED OUT OF WATER.  DRIPPING

CURT    What's all that?

DEBRA    Once all the fat's sloughed, you have to cure the hide.  Stop it from rotting.  Attracting insects.  You know.

CURT    [shudder] Bugs, man.  I hate 'em.

DEBRA    Why?  They're... Well, they're kind of everywhere.

CURT    That's part of the problem - no matter what you do, they're there.  They don't keep out, and they don't go away.

DEBRA    That's why hating them is so - pointless.

CURT    Mostly they just creep me out.

DEBRA    Let me guess.  Did you grow up with cockroaches?

CURT    Palmetto bugs.  Huge freaking whistling cockroaches.

DEBRA    I lived with cockroaches for a while. [almost a chuckle]

CURT    You think they're funny?

DEBRA    Only when you spray them with non-stick oven spray by mistake.

CURT    Why?

DEBRA    They go sliding down the wall, little legs pumping - ee-eh ee-eh ee-eh.  They get completely freaked out.

CURT    [half teasing] Now you creep me out some too.

DEBRA    [pleased snicker]

MUSIC

SOUND    PHONE RINGS

DOUGIE    [around a mouthful] Figures.  [quickly swallows]

DEBRA    Shouldn't you get that?

DOUGIE    Tell me somethin I don't know.  [one last gulp]

SOUND    PHONE PICKED UP

DOUGIE    Yeah?  Right.  Fer you.

DEBRA    Ok.  [really hesitant] Hello?

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY - one squeak

WILLIAMS    [phone] I got an answer for you.  On the leaves.

DEBRA    Uh huh?

WILLIAMS    [phone] No grinding.  Apparently that's out.  You can cut them up some.  I'll show you.  I'm also bringing some other things you can use for packing.

DEBRA    Oh.  Good.

WILLIAMS    [phone] We don't want him walking around like a big old teabag, eh?

DEBRA    [trying to keep it in, but it comes out a whisper] Walking?

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

WILLIAMS    [phone] Uh.  Figure of speech.

DEBRA    Goodbye.  [gulps]

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY, SLOW RELEASE

MUSIC

SOUND    THREAD BEING SNIPPED

DEBRA    There.  That's nice.  That thread hardly shows, doesn't it?

DOUGIE    [off] You talking to the dead guy again?

DEBRA    [covering] No.

SOUND    PACKING

DOUGIE    [off] Oh, hell, no.  What's this bag next to my lunch?

DEBRA    Roderick.

DOUGIE    A dead cat?  That ain't hygienic!

DEBRA    Technically your lunch is in HIS cooler.

DOUGIE    Yeah, like he's gonna be the one to object.

DEBRA    [to body]  No more than you will, Bob.

SOUND    PATS CORPSE, SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES

MUSIC

SOUND    COMPUTER KEYS TAPPING

DEBRA    Tana Leaves.  One N or two...?  Hmm...!

WILLIAMS    [off] Find her.

DOUGIE    Hey chickie?

SOUND    HASTY KEYSTROKES

DEBRA    Just a sec!

DOUGIE    What are you doing?  [annoyed, yelling back] She's on the computer, boss!

WILLIAMS    [coming in, tsks] What did I say about that?

DEBRA    You - well, you didn't say anything...  You said not to contact anyone, and I didn't - wasn't.  I was looking up ... delicate stitching techniques for very thin hides.  Remember, I haven't done this before.

WILLIAMS    Hmm.

DEBRA    I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone.  After all, I promised.

WILLIAMS    You need to look anything else up, you ask Dougie for your laptop.  [commanding] Dougie?

SOUND    LAPTOP SLAPPED SHUT

MUSIC

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY THROUGHOUT TO PUNCTUATE

DEBRA    I'm worried about .... well, what this is all FOR. 

CURT    Maybe it's not that bad.  Like the Aztecs.

DEBRA    The Aztecs?  But they were...  pretty bad.

CURT    No, no they weren't.  Not to them.  I mean, we all think "ooh, human sacrifice" and "man I wouldn't want my heart ripped out" right?

DEBRA    Usually.

CURT    But we don't realize that was the way they believed.  They figured without constant sacrifice, the world'd actually end.  They had to feed a bunch of hungry, thirsty gods, who had a really big human jones.

DEBRA    [slight snicker] 

CURT    For the victims, it was like winning American Idol - you got to be famous for a day. 

DEBRA    Um.  [deep breath]  But didn't it hurt?

CURT    Oh, yeah.  But they were all kinda masochistic back then.  Hurt yourself to prove how tough you are and stuff.  They'd even pierce their tongues and run cords covered in thorns up and down through the hole.

DEBRA    On the victims?

CURT    No - the bigwigs did it to themselves. 

DEBRA    Ugh.  But this....

CURT    Look, I'll see what I can hear - without asking too many questions, you know?  [teasing] I don't want my heart ripped out.

MUSIC

DEBRA    [whispering] Oh, Roderick.  I'm so sorry about this.  But I have to see...

SOUND    STUFFING LEAVES

DEBRA    And a little of this...

SOUND    GRIT BEING SCOOPED

DEBRA    And a few stitches.....  There.  And we wait.  What's the worst that could happen, eh?

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

MUSIC

CURT    I got a metal plate in my head.

DEBRA    [interested] Oh?  Where?

CURT    About here.  You can see the scar if you want.

DEBRA    I've never seen a metal plate - I mean, animals don't usually get them, and I've always mounted animals.  I mean, not that I'd want to mount you, just that it would be kinda different-- [shocked] oh!

CURT    No, no - I understand.  I didn't think you'd want to, uh, mount me.

SOUND    SQUEAKY SQUEAKY

DEBRA    I mean, I'm sure you're very nice and all....

CURT    I'm nicer up and walking than with a stick up my butt - or at least that's what my mother always says.

DEBRA    Oh.  Yeah.  [nervous laugh, then double take] She says--?

CURT    No.  Just wanted to see you laugh.

DEBRA    [laughs]  Where's Dougie, anyway?

CURT    He ain't feeling so well - he says.

DEBRA    Figures. 

CURT    Are you getting close to done?

DEBRA    Kinda.  It takes a lot of work, especially sewing the fingers and stuff back together.

SOUND    AWKWARD SILENCE

CURT    I-I hope I didn't gross you out with the whole Aztec thing.  I just figured that--  well, being in your profession, you might--

DEBRA    Have a strong stomach?

CURT    No.  Well, I mean, yes.  Yes, but.  But I figured that maybe you would be the kind of person who could take a step back and look - I mean, there are a lot of people out there who don't understand what you do and why you do it and why you love it, right?

DEBRA    Yeah, but I don’t kill anyone.  Any thing.

CURT    I'm just comparing the misunderstanding.  To themselves, they were just doing what they had to do.  They probably thought "hey, those Mayans, they're some crazy freaks!" 

DEBRA    Or "wow, those Incas - you wouldn't believe what they're up to!"

CURT    See?  You got it.

DEBRA    Yeah.  Ok.

CURT    So, there was really a point before I wandered a bit.  What got me all started here was that this has something in common with the Aztecs.

DEBRA    It does?

CURT    Well, yeah - they had this one god, and this is a really good example of misunderstanding - named Xipe Totec [zhippy toe-tec] who they called the flayed one--

CURT    --cuz each year the sacrifice was flayed and the skin preserved for the priests to wear for the upcoming year.  See, now, to us that's disgusting, but to them it symbolized life, fertility, and the changing of the seasons.  Cuz each year, like a seed sheds its pod, the priest would eventually shed the long-dead skin and be a new man.

DEBRA    [uncertain] I guess I can see that.

CURT    'Course, the victim was probably flayed alive, so--

DEBRA    ew!

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY

SOUND    SCRABBLING NOISE

CURT    [casual] What's that?

DEBRA    [trying to sound casual] Don't... know. 

SOUND    SQUEAKY TOY GOING A MILE A MINUTE

CURT    It's coming from the bathroom.

DEBRA    I'll look!

CURT    No let me.

DEBRA    I - I guess.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS, RUNNING CAT FEET

CURT AND DEBRA    [both gasp]

CURT    Just a freaking cat.

DEBRA    [completely freaked out] Yes.  Must be one of the Rodericks.

CURT    Jeez.  [calming her] It's OK.  He musta come in through the window or something.

DEBRA    [barely a whisper] Something.

MUSIC

DEBRA    Keep an eye out - there was a cat in here yesterday.  It was pretty freaky.

DOUGIE    Hey, at least it ain't some damn dead thing. 

DEBRA    [shudder] Yeah.

DOUGIE    You don't like animals?

DEBRA    Live ones are too messy.  Eating and pooping.  Dead ones are much more manageable.

DOUGIE    It's kinda cruel, though ain't it?

DEBRA    Why?  They're dead.  It's just whether they end up cute forever, or rotting in a ditch somewhere. 

CURT     Like all those people who say we shouldn't eat meat - sure, just let all the cows go.  They won't survive on their own.

DOUGIE    Do you have a point?

CURT    So is it more cruel to put them out to starve?  Do those people expect farmers to feed the cows and NOT sell them?  Doesn't anyone ever think of the hardship to the farmers?

DEBRA    I don't eat meat.

CURT    Oh, sorry.

DOUGIE    Figures.  You make no damn sense, lady.

DEBRA    Oh, it's not a moral issue.  Just that it clogs me up real bad.  [beat] That's too much information, isn't it? 

CURT    Um...

DOUGIE    I'm not listening!

DEBRA    Still surprised that I prefer dead animals to live people?

MUSIC

SOUND    PHONE RINGS, PICKED UP

CURT    [into phone]  Yeah?  [up] Debra?

DEBRA    [takes phone] Yes?

WILLIAMS    You must be finished by tonight.  I will arrive at seven with the final component.  Be ready to make the final insertion.

DEBRA    Where?

WILLIAMS    [exasperated]  At your shop, there.

DEBRA    No, I meant where does it go?  I need to finish sewing everything else up, if you're looking to ... take it home tonight.

WILLIAMS    Oh, right.  Hmm.  Leave a spot for the heart.

DEBRA    Ohhhh.

MUSIC

CURT    Do you think that's what the boss is up to?  Something like Xipe Totec?

DEBRA    Hmm.  I'd say no.  A lot of the herbs and stuff on the stuffing list are old world, not Central American at all. 

CURT    Point.  So you rule out my pals the Aztecs. 

DEBRA    How'd you know so much about them anyway?  [kindly] Apart from being a complete freak?

CURT    [chuckles ruefully] Eighth grade history project.  I was a crap student, but this one time I shoulda got an A - I did drawings and wrote a lot of stuff - I think I grossed out the teacher, so she only gave me a B minus.

DEBRA    That's not fair.

CURT    Yeah.  I mean, she raised rabbits.

[they both think on that for a moment]

CURT    I didn't just remember all of it, though - I'm not that much of a geek.  I googled it again last night.  Refreshed my memory.

DEBRA    [somewhat relieved] Oh!  [beat, then quiet] did you kill this guy?

CURT    Me? No.  I smack people sometimes if uncle needs it done, but I don't whack anyone.  Kinda too bad, since the money's real good, but I don't got "the cold" that bad, you know?

DEBRA    [kindly] You're too sympathetic.

CURT    [rueful] You say that like it's a good thing.

SOUND    A COUPLE OF SQUEAKS, THEN A DELIBERATE STOP

DEBRA    [calm, even] They're going to kill me.

CURT    What?  No o'course not - why would they have paid you, then?

DEBRA    Any way I look at it, they HAVE to kill me.

SOUND    STRANGLED SQUEAK

CURT    [fierce] I won't let 'em.  [reasonable] No reason to, anyway - you'll keep your mouth shut, right?

DEBRA    [resigned] Yeah.

SOUND    SOME STUFFING

CURT    Oh, hey, I almost forgot - the boss mentioned a name.

DEBRA    Name?

CURT    I think it's what he's doing - what the whole point of this is.

DEBRA    Oh.  [very dry sarcasm] That helps a lot.

CURT    Zalmoxis. 

DEBRA    Gesundheit.

CURT    No, no.  I looked it up.  And it took a while, too, trying to figure out how to spell the damn thing.  It was some old Thracian god.  He had something to do with that triangle guy--

DEBRA    Who?  Isosceles?

CURT    No.  [uncertain]  I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.  Anyway, this guy got made into a god somehow and promised immortality of the soul.  And, get this - the name "Zalmoxis" comes from the Thracian word for "hide". 

DEBRA    Hide, like skin, not like "and seek"?

CURT    Yup.

DEBRA    But what does that all mean?  I mean--

CURT    What I heard the boss say--

DEBRA    Yeah?

CURT    He said "when Zalmoxis arrives."

DEBRA    Oh.  [gulp]

SOUND    SQUEAK

MUSIC

SOUND    KNOCK ON THE DOOR

DEBRA    [surprised shriek]

SOUND    SQUEAK

CURT    Don't worry.  Everything's gonna be cool.

SOUND    HIS STEPS, DOOR OPENS

CURT    Sir.

SOUND    WILLIAMS AND DOUGIE ENTER

WILLIAMS    [way too excited] This is the moment.

DOUGIE    Boss, um, you said--

WILLIAMS    Yeah, we got [checks] eight minutes.  I was being dramatic.  This is a very dramatic moment, Dougie.

DOUGIE    Sorry boss.

WILLIAMS    The vessel is prepared?

DEBRA    The--?  Oh, yes.  All ready.

SOUND    A SLIGHT SQUEAK

WILLIAMS    Very nice.  [impressed] Good stitching. 

DEBRA    [trying to sound happy] Thanks.

WILLIAMS    So the time is nigh.

CURT    Uncle?  Got a moment?  Can I ask you something?  Like in private? 

WILLIAMS    One moment, yes. 

CURT    [low, confidential]  You're not gonna have this poor chick whacked, are you?

WILLIAMS    [not sincere] Whatever gave you that idea?

CURT    Look, she's a nice lady.  She's no danger to you - um, us.

WILLIAMS    After tonight, no one's a danger to me. 

CURT    What's that mean?

WILLIAMS    [chuckles]

SOUND    CHUMMY SLAP ON THE BACK

CURT    But--?

WILLIAMS    [up, dramatic] And now for the final key to unlock eternity!

DEBRA    [uncertain] Um, ok.

WILLIAMS    Hold out your hands.

DEBRA    [almost shaking with fear] Um, ok.

SOUND    SOMETHING LARGE PULLED FROM A POCKET

DEBRA    That’s - whoa - heavy.

WILLIAMS    The heart of Zalmoxis.  Once it is sealed in his chest, at the right moment, he will rise!

DEBRA    Now?

WILLIAMS    No.  152 seconds left.

DEBRA    Right.  Can I put it down?

SOUND    GUN DRAWN AND COCKED

DEBRA    [gasps]  What?

WILLIAMS    Let's just call this insurance against you - [pointed] or anyone - trying to stop me this close to my goal!

DEBRA    Uhhhh.  What's... going to happen?

WILLIAMS    [matter of fact] Zalmoxis will rise and take over the world, and I, being the one who brought him here, will be rewarded with power and glory.

DEBRA    Oh, Ok.  Just say when. 

    MOMENT OF SILENCE

WILLIAMS    Put it in - I'm watching you!  And then start stitching.

DEBRA    Can someone hold the hole open?  This takes both hands.

CURT    Got it.

SOUND    MOVEMENT NOISES AS THE HEART IS INSERTED

SOUND    CAT SCREECH

WILLIAMS    What the--?

SOUND    GUNSHOT, CAT SCREECH

DEBRA    Oh no!

CURT    Here!

DEBRA    Jeez, I almost dropped it!

WILLIAMS    Damn cat.  You done?

DEBRA    Just a few stitches. 

WILLIAMS    You do that, I'll start the ceremony.  [begins creepy chanting in the background]

CURT    I told him you're ok.  He don't need to kill you.

DEBRA    Thanks.  Can you put your finger, there?

CURT    Oh, sure.

DEBRA    Good.

SOUND    SNIPS

DEBRA    Done.

WILLIAMS    Excellent!  Rise!

SOUND    RUSTLING NOISE

DEBRA    Oh, jeez!  It moved!

WILLIAMS     He moved.  Master!

DEBRA    Um, Curt, is it--?

CURT    Yeah.  Yeah, it is.

SOUND    ONE HEAVY FOOT ON GROUND, THEN A SECOND

WILLIAMS    Master, is the vessel acceptable?  It was made to all your specifications!

ZALMOXIS    The vessel is [choking noise]

WILLIAMS    What?

ZALMOXIS    The vessel is--

SOUND    SQUEAK, BUT DEEP AND SPOOKY LIKE HIS VOICE

WILLIAMS    What's that?

CURT    You didn't--?

SOUND    KEY RING JINGLES

DEBRA    Uh, yeah.

SOUND    DEEP SQUEAK

ZALMOXIS    No!  Flawed!  You must die!

WILLIAMS    Master!  [choking noises]

DOUGIE    Boss?

CURT    [whispered] We should go.

DEBRA    Ya think?

SOUND    SCURRYING OUT, SNATCHING UP A CASE ON THE WAY

[the argument recede as they leave]

WILLIAMS    [choking] Get this thing off me!

DOUGIE    Come on!

SOUND    SLAM, DEEP SQUEAK

DOUGIE    [gurgle as he smacks into wall]

SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, OUTSIDE NOISES

DEBRA    [breathless] Did wikipedia have anything to say about if the vessel was flawed?

CURT    Uh, no.  go on!

DEBRA    But you?

CURT    Meet you on the corner.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SOUND OF COMMOTION

MUSIC

DEBRA    {making squeaking noises}

SOUND    EXPLOSION

DEBRA    Holy crow!  [gasp, musing] There's a lot of flammable stuff in taxidermy. 

CURT    Nervous?

DEBRA    [startled noise!]

CURT    Track came in handy after all.  [chuckles, then serious] I figured we shouldn't let it loose...

DEBRA    [worried] My ...house?

CURT    I'm thinking the dough--

SOUND    PATS BRIEFCASE

CURT    Is enough to start a new life on?

DEBRA    [interested]  Or ...two?

CURT    [pleased] Yeah.

SOUND    CAT MROW!

CLOSER