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19 Nocturne Boulevard


19 Nocturne Boulevard is an award-winning anthology audio drama series that ran from 2008 through 2013, and then went into deep hibernation.

STILL working on that Comeback!!

Also the creator of Fatal Girl, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Lovecraft 5, The Prisoner of Hancock House, The Decadence of Borrowed Silk, Eternal Dusk Roulette, and Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories.                                                        Join our awesome Patreon supporters!

Jul 28, 2022

A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories,
and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger.

Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson

Cast List

Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson
Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson

~~~~~~

Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio)
Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes
Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom
Scotty - Mike Campbell

Other Voices:

Episode 1
Bartender - Rick Lewis

Episode 2
Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)

Episode 3
Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane)
Glen Hallstrom

Episode 4
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Piedmont - Russell Gold
Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero)

Episode 5
Nanny - Jennifer Dixon
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)

Episode 6
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Mark & Connor Olson
Russell Gold

Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock
Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom
Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org
Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson

 

No gunshots herald his approach. 
No trademark left behind him when he leaves. 
The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by -
as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.  
Some say he rides alone. 
That's the Deadeye Kid.

*************************************************************

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 1

MUSIC

1_ARRIVAL

SOUND     HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC

LEM    Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind.

FANSHAW    Will it be safe?

LEM    Safe?

FANSHAW    I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake.

LEM    Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory. 

FANSHAW    Is it worth the risk?

LEM    [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed.

FANSHAW    There are some distinct benefits to being deceased.

LEM    [laughs]  Ayup.  I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then--

FANSHAW    [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes.

LEM    Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells. 

FANSHAW    [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage?

2_STROLLING

AMB    IN TOWN

SOUND    WALKING ON WOOD

LEM    Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need.

FANSHAW    Lem!  Soldiers.

LEM    [voice low]  Right.  We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance. 

FANSHAW    I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind. 

LEM    Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle.

SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT

FANSHAW    I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink?

LEM    [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me.

FANSHAW    I'll--

LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?

FANSHAW    [stunned and horrified] Oh god.

LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere!

LEM    Friend o'yourn?

FANSHAW    [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead!

LEM    Right.

3_SALOON

SOUND    HE WALKS INTO SALOON

AMB    SALOON

LEM    One here.

SOUND    DRINK POURED

BARTENDER    There you go.

SOUND    COINS

SOUND    LEM DRINKS

GRISHAM    [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts.

LEM    [SPIT-TAKE]

SOUND    GLASS SLAMMED DOWN

BARTENDER    Something wrong, fella?

LEM    [coughing, trying to clear his throat]  Toothache.  Hit like a snakebite.

GRISHAM    You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather.

BARTENDER    [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑

LEM    [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it. 

SOUND    COINS, GLASS DOWN

LEM    Another.  And sorry about the--

BARTENDER    [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind.

SOUND    MORE COINS

LEM    Give me the bottle.

GRISHAM    Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me!

BARTENDER    You drink more careful now, you hear?

LEM    Ayup.

4_LISETTE

AMB    OUTSIDE

LISETTE    [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier?

FANSHAW    [acknowledging] Carmichael.

LISETTE    Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear?

FANSHAW    "Fanshaw," if you please.

LISETTE    And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here?

FANSHAW    I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael.

LISETTE    [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you?

FANSHAW    Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you?

LISETTE    [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth.

FANSHAW    Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along.

LISETTE    Don't run off so quickly, Clary! 

FANSHAW    [long breath of self-control] 

LISETTE    There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages. 

FANSHAW    How unfortunate.  Must rush.

LISETTE    I noticed you speaking to that fellow.

FANSHAW    [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people.

LISETTE    I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well?

FANSHAW    I--

LISETTE    Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary--

FANSHAW    Stop calling me that.

LISETTE    Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend. 

FANSHAW    [gritted teeth] Jolly good.

5_SALOON2

AMB    SALOON

SOUND    LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS

GRISHAM    I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm.

SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE

LEM    [low] Sit.

GRISHAM    What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me!

LEM    That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here.

GRISHAM    I ... drifted.

LEM    That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts.

GRISHAM    Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other.

LEM    [sigh]

SOUND    DRINK POURS

6_PIGS

SOUND    PIGS

LEM    Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse?

FANSHAW    That woman - ghost woman.

LEM    An old flame?

FANSHAW    Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here. 

LEM    Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business.

FANSHAW    [disgusted] Yes...

LEM    So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason.

FANSHAW    Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to --

LEM    Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head?

FANSHAW    Aptly put.  Yes. 

LEM    You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more.

FANSHAW    You might be surprised.

LEM    Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh. 

FANSHAW    And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication.

LEM    [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep?

FANSHAW    What?

LEM    Whatever it was you done.

FANSHAW    No.  It isn't - it's not like that at all.

LEM    [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out.

FANSHAW    What?

LEM    Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag.

FANSHAW    You would leave?  Over this?

LEM    I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return. 

SOUND    WALKING IN MUD

LEM    Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me.

7_BARN

AMB    BARN

SOUND    TACK, HORSES, ETC.

LEM    You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull.

FANSHAW    Righty-ho. 

SOUND    LEAVES

GRISHAM    Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella.

LEM    [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t dignify none of that with an answer.

GRISHAM    You kilt me!

LEM    We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose.

SOUND    LAST BIT OF TACKING UP

GRISHAM    Are you saying I was asking fer it?

LEM    I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you.

GRISHAM    Well, yeah, but I was drunk.

LEM    I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me.

GRISHAM    [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself.

SOUND    LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE

LEM    By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first.

GRISHAM    But you still kilt me.

LEM    And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw!

SOUND    RIDES OFF

8_DISTRACTION

FANSHAW     Lisette?

LISETTE    There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away.

FANSHAW    So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs.

LISETTE    Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say? 

FANSHAW    You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did. 

LISETTE    So bothered over trifles!  How much people change!

FANSHAW    Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge?

LISETTE    Carmela?  Served her right. 

FANSHAW    She threw herself off a bridge!

LISETTE    She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding--

FANSHAW    Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth?

LISETTE    Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature?

FANSHAW    History is replete with--

LISETTE    Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare.

FANSHAW    Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles.

LISETTE    Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell?

FANSHAW    [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings. 

LISETTE    [outraged] I--?  You--!

FANSHAW    Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same.

LISETTE    No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I?

FANSHAW    [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall.

SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE

CLOSING

 

 

 

 

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 2

1_MOSEYING

AMB    OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime

SOUND    HORSES WALKING

LEM    I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out.

FANSHAW    How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel?

LEM    Present comp'ny only.

FANSHAW    And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement?

LEM    How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles.

FANSHAW    Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different.

LEM    Like your lady friend back there?

FANSHAW    [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself. 

LEM    Lot of people can say that, out this way.

FANSHAW    [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse.

LEM    Cain't say I ain't never been that fella.

FANSHAW    [chagrined] Oh. 

MUSIC     FOR FLASHBACK

NOTE    Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be

2_THE OLD KID

AMB    SALOON

LEM    Gimme two.

SOUND    CARDS

LEM    [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise--

SOUND    CROWD HUSHES

GRISHAM    [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town?

LEM    [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten.

DEALER    [shaky] Uh, Kid?

GRISHAM    Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel?

LEM    Your call.

PLAYER1    [shaky] Um...  I fold.

LEM    [chuckles]

PATRON1    How can he--?

Patron2    Shh!

SOUND    HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY

GRISHAM    [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid?

LEM    [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper.

GRISHAM    Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit.

SOUND    CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE

LEM    [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat.

PLAYER1    [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home.

GRISHAM    Are you coming, or am I shooting?

LEM    If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit?

DEALER    Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that.

GRISHAM    You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog!

SOUND    MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER

LEM    Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around.

SOUND    G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED

GRISHAM    Now!

LEM    [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back?

DEALER    Uh... certainly.

GRISHAM    I'll do it!  I will!

SOUND    CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS

LEM    Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside.

3_EASIER

MUSIC    BACK TO NOW

SOUND    HORSES WALKING

FANSHAW    Seems as if it would be a great deal easier.

LEM    Whazzat?

FANSHAW    Shooting someone in the back.

LEM    And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way. 

FANSHAW    Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly.

LEM    It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you.

MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK

4_WARMUP

GRISHAM    Are you stepping?

LEM    What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor]

GRISHAM    [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it.

LEM    [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you. 

SOUND    DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN

LEM    Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin.

SOUND    WALKS OUT, SLOWLY

GRISHAM    You look at me while I'm a talking to you!

LEM    [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will.

5_RATTLING

FANSHAW    Were you trying to upset his equilibrium?

LEM    What's that when it's at home?

FANSHAW    uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes.

LEM    Rattlin.  Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them.

FANSHAW    Why not?  He called you out.

LEM    He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him.

FANSHAW    But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance?

LEM    A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down.

FANSHAW    [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die?

LEM    Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way.

6_SHOWDOWN

MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK

SOUND    OUTSIDE NOW

GRISHAM    You ready?

LEM    Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over?

GRISHAM    [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid!

LEM    [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots?

GRISHAM    No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name.

SOUND    THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE

SOUND    GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM

LEM    And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James]

GRISHAM    Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow!

SOUND    LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind]

LEM    [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop.

SOUND    TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT.

SOUND    G - BODY DROP

SOUND    LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON

7_ENJOY

MUSIC    BACK TO NOW

FANSHAW     [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow.

LEM    Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold.

FANSHAW    I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless.

LEM    [a litle lighter] Men'll be men.

FANSHAW    But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits.

LEM    [grunt - half laugh half dismissive]

FANSHAW    Do you enjoy it?

LEM    [very mixed feelings] Enjoy?

FANSHAW    Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle.

LEM    Hmmm.  [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin.

LEM    S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time. 

FANSHAW    The thrill of danger?

LEM    That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?  No. 

FANSHAW    Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so.

LEM    I reckon.

8_WINNER

MUSIC    FLASH BACK

AMB    INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED

SOUND    GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE

WOMAN    [gasps]

SOUND    [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS

SOUND    PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN

LEM    [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it.

SOUND    BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN

BARTENDER    Your shot, Mister.

LEM    [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes!

SOUND    Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit.

9_HUNKER

MUSIC    BACK TO NOW

LEM    [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night.

FANSHAW    I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh!

LEM    Whazzat?

FANSHAW    Look - the horizon!

LEM    Signal fires, and a lot of em.  Damn.

FANSHAW    They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we?

LEM    Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march.

FANSHAW    [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts?

LEM    Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there. 

FANSHAW    [heavy sigh]  Right, then. 

SOUND    DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE

LEM    You worried about your lady friend?

FANSHAW    She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out.

LEM    Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance.

SOUND    MOUNT OTHER HORSE

FANSHAW    [resigned but determined] Shall we?

MUSIC

 

 

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 3

1_WONT SPOOK

SOUND    READYING FOR BATTLE

LEM    If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you.

COMMANDER    You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight.

LEM    I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll--

COMMANDER    I'll have to send a man along with you.

LEM    That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither.

2_LISETTE

SOUND    [above scene plays out in the background]

LISETTE    And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone. 

FANSHAW    [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation?

LISETTE    No.  I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn’t give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back.

FANSHAW    We had to warn the garrison.

LISETTE    Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say?

FANSHAW    Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others.

LISETTE    [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us.

FANSHAW    I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do.

LISETTE    Wait!

FANSHAW    [long sigh]  Yes?

LISETTE    Shall I wish you "good luck"?

FANSHAW    I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed.

3_JULIET

FLASHBACK

JULIET    Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself.

FANSHAW    I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

JULIET     What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel?

ROMEO     By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself--

SOUND    POUNDING

LISETTE    Oh heavens!  Not again!

MAN    [calling from off] Sorry.

SOUND    POUNDING STOPS

LISETTE    Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo?

FANSHAW    [sigh] Yes?

LISETTE    Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine?

JULIET    Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic.

FANSHAW    I'll see what I can do.

4_SCOTTY

SOUND    PACKING A HORSE

SCOTTY    Sir?

LEM    Yeah?

SCOTTY    Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you.

LEM    [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real?

SCOTTY    O'course.

LEM    Against a person?

SCOTTY    Well, against animals.

LEM    Right.

GRISHAM    Not everyone can be you.

LEM    [sighs]

SCOTTY    Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid!

GRISHAM    This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too?

LEM    You got a horse, Scott?

SCOTTY    Everyone calls me Scotty.

GRISHAM    Later, they'll just call him dead.

LEM    Scotty.  Right.  You gotta horse?

SCOTTY    Over there.

GRISHAM    [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets. 

LEM    Well, go and get'im.

SCOTTY    Right, sir!

GRISHAM    Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back.

LEM    I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches.

GRISHAM    That ain't what I heered.

LEM    Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke.

GRISHAM    And the tale 'bout how you kilt me?

LEM    [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more.

GRISHAM    So, you think I like being plumb forgot?

LEM    If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't?

SCOTTY    Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them.

LEM    [sigh]

5_SCOUTING

AMB    CRICKETS

SOUND    HORSES

FANSHAW    They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians.

LEM    Hmm?

FANSHAW    I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories?

LEM    [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe.

SCOTTY    What ain't impossible?

LEM    We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot. 

SCOTTY    These here horses are my responsibility!

LEM    Best you stay and watch'em, then. 

FANSHAW    Don't forget the satchel.

SOUND    CREAK

LEM    Like I'd forget that.

SCOTTY    I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey.

FANSHAW    [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before.

SOUND    REMOVING SPURS

LEM    Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon?

SCOTTY    How'll you find us?

LEM    I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me.

SOUND    QUIET FEET ON DIRT

6_JULIET2

FLASHBACK    echoey hallway

LISETTE    [running up] Fanshaw?

FANSHAW    Carmichael.

LISETTE    [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous.

FANSHAW     [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony.

LISETTE    Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs.

FANSHAW    [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss.

LISETTE    [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well.

7_FANSHAW SCOUTS

SOUND    SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES

LEM    [very quiet] Close enough?

FANSHAW    I'll have a look round. 

SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES

GRISHAM    [very loud] You hiding from something?

LEM    [reaction noise, quickly stifled]

GRISHAM    Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I?

LEM    [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin.

GRISHAM    [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you.

LEM    What all do you want?

GRISHAM    Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen.

LEM    Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us?

GRISHAM    What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse?

LEM    [half realizing something] Damn.

SOUND    FANSHAW COMES BACK

FANSHAW    Who the devil is this?

GRISHAM    Who the devil are you?

LEM    What'd ya find out?

FANSHAW    A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle. 

GRISHAM    What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk!

FANSHAW    [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible.

GRISHAM    Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance!

FANSHAW    We need to get moving.

GRISHAM    I think you need a shave, girlie man.

SOUND    KNIFE

FANSHAW    [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell!

SOUND    PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN

LEM    [trying not to laugh]

GRISHAM    Oooohhhh.

FANSHAW    Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go.

GRISHAM    [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off]

SOUND    SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES

LEM    What'd you do to him?

FANSHAW    I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea? 

8_JULIET3

SOUND    TAP ON DOOR

LISETTE    Fanshaw?

FANSHAW    Come in.

LISETTE    I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing?

FANSHAW    I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion.

LISETTE    That is what the HAT is for.

FANSHAW    I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head. 

LISETTE    And Romeo does not wear a moustache.

FANSHAW    Whyever not?

LISETTE     On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels!

FANSHAW    [considering] I might just cut my hair.

LISETTE    That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen.

FANSHAW    What?

LISETTE    That you would take too many liberties.  You are out.

FANSHAW    Out?

LISETTE    [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production.

9_DEAD SCOTT

SOUND    QUIET BOOTSTEPS

LEM    [very quiet] Scotty?

FANSHAW    [off a bit] Oh, good god.

LEM    Do I need to keep quiet?

FANSHAW    I don't see anyone.  Anyone... hostile.

SOUND    QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS

SCOTTY    [as if waking up] Oooh!

LEM    What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh.

SCOTTY    They come in out of nowheres!

FANSHAW    I don't doubt it.

SCOTTY    And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts!

FANSHAW    I think that just might explain--

SCOTTY    And who in blue blazes is this feller?

LEM    [heavy sigh]  Ayup.

CLOSING

 

 

 

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 4

1_DROP EVERYTHING

SOUND    UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC.

LEM    Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it.

SOUND    SATCHEL DOWN

FANSHAW    Of course.

SCOTTY    I'm really sorry about this, sir.

LEM    I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough.

SCOTTY    What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it.

FANSHAW    I'll deal with him.

LEM    I'll leave you to it. 

SCOTTY    What are you doing?

LEM    Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right?

SOUND    RUSTLE OF BUSHES

FANSHAW    Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark.

SCOTTY    Can't do anything?  What are you talking about? 

FANSHAW    Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk.

SOUND    BOOTS RUN OFF

2_REBEL CAMP

SOUND    MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc.

SOUND    GRISHAM STUMBLES IN

GRISHAM    Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers! 

SOUND    MEN WALK BY

LEADER    Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it.

SECOND    Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.  

LEADER    [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge.

SECOND    We're nearly ready. 

3_NO HEAVEN

SCOTTY    [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven?

FANSHAW    There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation.

SCOTTY    But don’t no one ever pass along?

FANSHAW    Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens.

SCOTTY    And I won’t never even get to be with a woman.

FANSHAW    [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame.

SCOTTY    What's it like?

FANSHAW    [dread] What is ... what... like?

SCOTTY     Being with a woman?

FANSHAW    Ohhh....

4_RUNNING

LEM    [heavy but measured breathing]

SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH

LEM    [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon.

4A_FLASHBACK

MUSIC    FLASHBACK

SOUND    NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS

SOUND    ANGRY MOB, OFF

ROBERTS    [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon! 

PIEDMONT    [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet]

ROBERTS    [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope?

PIEDMONT    [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter]

SOUND    VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE.

YOUNG LEM    [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister?

PIEDMONT    [terrible gasp, smothers a scream]

6_EXPERIENCE

FANSHAW    My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters.

SCOTTY    Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place!

FANSHAW    Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all. 

SCOTTY    Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later".

FANSHAW    [after a moment]  Women are.... soft.

SCOTTY    [eager] Yeah?

FANSHAW    And round.  In places where men aren't.

SCOTTY    But they do got legs, don't they?

FANSHAW    [flabbergasted]  What?

SCOTTY    You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there?

FANSHAW    Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand.

SCOTTY     [avid] And bosoms.

FANSHAW    Yes.  Yes, that.

7_VARMINT

SOUND    RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS?

PIEDMONT    Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here.

YOUNG LEM    You the varmint they's looking fer?

PIEDMONT    There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area?

YOUNG LEM    I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man.

PIEDMONT    [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search.

YOUNG LEM    [pride] Yup.

SOUND    OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER

ROBERTS    [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch!

YOUNG LEM    [pride and fear] That's my pa!

PIEDMONT    But you're not going to tell him I am in here?

YOUNG LEM    I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night. 

8_YOUNG LOVE

FANSHAW    I was in love.  When I was very young.

SCOTTY    Was she really purtty?

FANSHAW    [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it?

SCOTTY    You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you!

FANSHAW    Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school.

SCOTTY    What didja do?

FANSHAW    I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock.

SCOTTY    You waited on a rock?

FANSHAW    I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever.

SCOTTY    What happened?

FANSHAW    I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered...

SCOTTY    Yes?

FANSHAW    That I was the only one who had bothered to wait.

SCOTTY    She'd gone and --

FANSHAW    My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer."

SCOTTY    Damn!  Women are right terrible.

FANSHAW    Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame.

8_DISCOVERED

SOUND    UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF

YOUNG LEM    They're fixing to hang you?

PIEDMONT    Yes.

YOUNG LEM    Why?  What for?

PIEDMONT    We were on opposite sides in a fight.

YOUNG LEM    You mean the war?  Hmph.  My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right.

PIEDMONT    [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you?

YOUNG LEM    [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are.

SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN

ROBERTS    There he is!

MAN    Get him!

PIEDMONT    [scream]

SOUND    SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN

YOUNG LEM    [gasp, cut off by hand]

PIEDMONT    I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't!

10_STUCK

SCOTTY    You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along?

FANSHAW    Yes.  We've encountered one or two.

SCOTTY    How'd it work?

FANSHAW    Work?

SCOTTY    I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever!

FANSHAW    I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has.

SCOTTY    Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on?

FANSHAW    We... help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety. 

11_SHOT

SOUND    LEM RUNNING AGAIN

PIEDMONT    [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.  

YOUNG LEM    [gasp]  Pa?

SOUND    GUNSHOT

SOUND    TWO BODY DROPS

ROBERTS    [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you?

12_BUSINESS

FANSHAW    Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on. 

SCOTTY    Business?  I ain't never been in business.

FANSHAW    No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung.

SCOTTY    Oh.  I spose that could happen.

FANSHAW    Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death.

SCOTTY    [very down] Oh, right.

FANSHAW    [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts.

SCOTTY    [wailing] Oh no! 

FANSHAW    Whatever is the matter?

SCOTTY    What if it's ladies?

FANSHAW    [careful] What if what is "ladies"?

SCOTTY    What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady?

FANSHAW    [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not.

13_WHUPPING

YOUNG LEM    [sniffles a bit]

ROBERTS    You crying, boy?

YOUNG LEM    [stifling it] No sir.

ROBERTS    Good.  Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch.

SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN

YOUNG LEM    [blank] You shot him dead.

ROBERTS    Yup.

YOUNG LEM    In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me.

ROBERTS    Yup.  [beat]  You asking something?

YOUNG LEM    What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did?

ROBERTS    [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on.

YOUNG LEM    Oh.

SOUND    BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS

ROBERTS    Lem? 

YOUNG LEM    [almost a gasp] Yessir?

ROBERTS    [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether]

YOUNG LEM    [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir.

14_CRICKET

SCOTTY    It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing!

FANSHAW    Life is not fair.  Death even less so. 

SCOTTY    I--

FANSHAW    [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer. 

SCOTTY    Answer?

FANSHAW    Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on.

SCOTTY    What if they don't take it - me back?

FANSHAW    Lem will see that they do.

SCOTTY    Oh.  And what about you, Mister Fanshaw?

FANSHAW    What about me?

SCOTTY    Don't you get to pass on too?

FANSHAW    Oh.  But you see Scotty, I have no wish to.

SCOTTY    No?  Why?

FANSHAW    I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life.

SCOTTY    That's crazy talk.

FANSHAW    That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things.

SCOTTY    All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug?

FANSHAW    A talking bug, but yes, a bug. 

SCOTTY    That’s just plumb crazy.

FANSHAW    True.  [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move!

SCOTTY    Is there something we can do?

FANSHAW    This is one of those times I truly wish there was.

CLOSING

 

 

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 5

1_COMING

SOUND    IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE

COMMANDER    [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there!

SOLDIER    Yessir!

SOUND    FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY

SOUND    DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING

SOLDIER2    Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot!

COMMANDER    On foot? 

SENTRY    [off] Halt!

LEM    [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander.

SENTRY    Stop, I say!

COMMANDER    Let him on through.

LEM    They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns. 

COMMANDER    Why are you--

LEM    Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh!

SOUND    FALLS DOWN

COMMANDER    Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc!

LEM    I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off.

2_SPOOK HORSES

SCOTTY    We got to do something!

FANSHAW    And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe.

SCOTTY    Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it?

FANSHAW    I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you?

SCOTTY    [really down] No.

FANSHAW    If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show.

3_TONIC

DOC    Can you get yourself around this?

LEM    [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic?

DOC    [shrug] Mostly brandy.  Medicinal.

LEM    [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks]

LISETTE     Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend. 

LEM    [coughs]

DOC    Din't say it was GOOD brandy.

LEM    [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot. 

LISETTE    [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly.

DOC     The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it?

LEM    Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon.

4_DO SOMETHING

SCOTTY    He's the only one what can hear us?

FANSHAW    We've come across... others.  But they are very rare.

SCOTTY    [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help!

FANSHAW    There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament!

SCOTTY    But I--

GRISHAM    [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position!

FANSHAW    Oh dear.  Come along.

SCOTTY    Where?

FANSHAW    To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible.

5_SADDLED

SOUND    MEN READY TO GO

SOUND    MOUNT UP

LEM    [sigh of relief, but also soreness] 

COMMANDER    You doing all right, there, feller?

LEM    Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these.

COMMANDER     Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go.

SOUND    HORSES MOVE OUT

LEM    Commander?

COMMANDER    Hmm?

LEM    Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position?

COMMANDER    This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking.

LEM    Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover--

COMMANDER    I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!]

6_FIGHT

GRISHAM    Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow!

SOUND    PUNCH

FANSHAW    [casual] shut up.

SCOTTY    That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big!

FANSHAW    Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way.

GRISHAM    [off] I'm a-gonna get you!

FANSHAW    Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done.

SCOTTY    Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you?

FANSHAW    How?

SCOTTY     Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to--

GRISHAM    Kill you, you girly man!

SCOTTY    [grunt as he punches him]

GRISHAM    oof!

SCOTTY    Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta.

FANSHAW    Good lad.

7_GRANDKIDS

LEM    [muttered] Fanshaw?  Damn.  Too far out. 

COMMANDER    What's the terrain like beyond the bridge?

LEM    Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though.

COMMANDER    Good.  Cain't let this sort of thing go. 

LEM    Course not. 

COMMANDER    You got the extra shot you needed, did you?

LEM    Ayup.  Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty.

COMMANDER    You're sure he's ... dead?

LEM    I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it.

COMMANDER    [sad] That's too bad.

LEM    Kin?

COMMANDER    Nephew. 

LEM    [trying to ease] He went down fightin.

COMMANDER    That don't give my sister grandbabies.

LEM    [symp] Nope, it shore don't.

8_PIRATES

SOUND    MUCH CREEPING

FANSHAW    Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates.

8A_FLASHBACK

MUSIC    FLASHBACK

AMB    BRIGHT SUNNY DAY

NANNY    Come along in now, bunny bug.

YOUNG CLARA    Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old.

NANNY    You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny!

YOUNG CLARA    No!  I am a pirate.

NANNY    Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates.

YOUNG CLARA    Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real.

NANNY    Besides, you cannot be a pirate.

YOUNG CLARA    Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want.

9_WASPS

COMMANDER    Did you see how big a force they had?

LEM    Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more.

COMMANDER    [skeptical] Really?

LEM    They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow.

COMMANDER    [considers, then agrees] No, you don’t. 

LEM    'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many.

COMMANDER    [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant!

10_BAG

SOUND    STILL MUCH MOVEMENT

SOUND    SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING

SCOTTY    [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed!

GRISHAM    [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away!

FANSHAW    [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No.

RUFFIAN1    Hey!  I found something!

SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR

FANSHAW    [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag!

RUFFIAN2    What?

SECOND    Silence!

RUFFIAN2    [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later!

RUFFIAN1    Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is!

SECOND    [whispered] Keep moving!

11_SCOUT AHEAD

COMMANDER    [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat.

BOB    Yessir!

LEM    If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite. 

COMMANDER    You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself?

LEM    [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it.

COMMANDER    Valuables?

LEM    Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced.

COMMANDER    [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh?

LEM    [chuckle] I reckon.

12_LEAD ROPE

SCOTTY    Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him!

FANSHAW    I fear I shall be gone shortly as well.

SCOTTY    Why?

FANSHAW    I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found...

SCOTTY    Why?  Keeping an eye on it?

FANSHAW    No.  There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can. 

SCOTTY    Why can't I--?

FANSHAW    Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end.

SCOTTY    Like a training rope? [ASK PAT]

FANSHAW    Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope.

SCOTTY    [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag?

FANSHAW    Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves!

SOUND    FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY

13_BE A BOY

YOUNG CLARA    I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold!

NANNY    Stealing is very wicked. 

YOUNG CLARA    But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor!

NANNY    And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies.

YOUNG CLARA    Or nannies.

NANNY    [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy.

YOUNG CLARA    I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do.

NANNY    [sigh] Mummies have things to do too.

YOUNG CLARA    I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world!

NANNY    [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys.

YOUNG CLARA    Then I want to be a boy!

END

 

 

Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]

EPISODE 6

1_READY

SOUND    NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF

COMMANDER    Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own??

LEM    I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience.

COMMANDER    [acknowledging] Scotty.

LEM    If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice--

COMMANDER    [warning] They'll know you're there.

LEM    I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on.

COMMANDER    One thing.

LEM    Yeah?

COMMANDER    One of my men swore he'd seen you before.

LEM    [down] Oh.

COMMANDER    And that you're the Deadeye kid.

LEM    I-

COMMANDER    [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town.

LEM    [realizing] Ri-ight.

COMMANDER    [serious] Don't make me a liar.

LEM    I kin only do my best.

SOUND    WALKS AWAY

2_BLACKGUARDS

SOUND    COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING

LEADER    [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up.

FANSHAW    Blackguards.

RUFFIAN2    [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways?

RUFFIAN1    [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy.

RUFFIAN2    [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold!

RUFFIAN1    Well, I still ain't sharing!

FANSHAW    Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay. 

3_TALLYHO

SOUND    STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS

LEM    Nothin.  [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin.

FANSHAW    [distant]  Tally-ho! 

LEM    [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort]

FANSHAW    Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off]

LEM    What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self.

SOUND    RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF

4_STRUGGLE

AMB    IN THE ATTACK FORCE

GRISHAM     Now I gotcha sorted out!

FANSHAW    [muffled noises]

SOUND    STRUGGLING

GRISHAM    Oh, no you don't! 

SOUND    MORE STRUGGLE

GRISHAM    I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you.

FANSHAW    [noise of effort]

GRISHAM    [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me! 

FANSHAW    Keep ahead of them!!!!

GRISHAM    Waitaminute.  [disgusted noise]

FANSHAW    [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again]

GRISHAM    Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell?

FANSHAW    [noise of effort]

SOUND    STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE

GRISHAM    You're a-- ? 

FANSHAW    You may be stronger than me, but I am faster.

SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES

GRISHAM    what the hell?  A female?

5_SIGNAL

COMMANDER    He's been gone a fair piece.

SOUND    [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS

COMMANDER    [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming!

SOUND    [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES]

COMMANDER    [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw. 

6_PLAN DOS

LEADER    Shots?

SECOND    Sir?

LEADER    Damn.  Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos.

SECOND    Plan dos, sir?

LEADER    They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more.

SECOND    Yessir!

SOUND    RUNS OFF

SCOTTY     [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do?

7_BUCKETFULL

SOUND    HORSES APPROACHING

NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind.

FANSHAW    [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out!

LEM    [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down.

SOUND    HORSES BEGIN TO PASS

LEM    [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps.

SOUND    SHOTS!  (where the horses went to)

LEM    [muttered to self] hold on. 

SOUND    NO MORE HORSES COMING

LEM    [muttered] almost...

GRISHAM    There you are!

LEM    [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned.

GRISHAM    Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that--

SOUND    GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY

LEM    Good riddance.  And jest in time.

SOUND    BEGINS SHOOTING

MaN    [shot, fall]

8_HOLD THE LINES

COMMANDER    [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy!

BOY    Yessir!

MAN    [hit, argh!]

COMMANDER    Stay low!

FANSHAW    All seems rather well here. 

GRISHAM    There you are.

FANSHAW    Bloody hell.

GRISHAM    [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady!

FANSHAW    [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you.

SOUND    FANSHAW OUT

9_RELOAD

SOUND    COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE

SOUND    RELOADING

SOUND    NEARBY HORSE PFFS

LEM    That's nine. 

SOUND    SLAPS GUN SHUT

SCOTTY    [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines!

LEM    Damn.  [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn. 

SCOTTY    [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town.

LEM    [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse]

SOUND    HORSE BLOWS

LEM    [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on.

FANSHAW    [a bit distant] Lem?

LEM    Wazzat?  There you are!

FANSHAW    Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me.

LEM    Grisham?  Yeah.

FANSHAW    The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart.

LEM    Good.  Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message?

FANSHAW    What message?

LEM    Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah!

SOUND    HORSE TAKES OFF

FANSHAW    Scotty?  Can you hear me?

10_YOU STAY

COMMANDER    Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town.

CORPORAL    Yessir! Should we capture them, or--

COMMANDER    This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures.

SOUND    HORSE APPROACHING

LEM    [distant] Commander!

COMMANDER    Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them. 

SOUND    GUNSHOTS DISTANT

COMMANDER    A bit of tidying up to do, but--

SOUND    HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS

LEM    [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind. 

COMMANDER    My god!

LEM    Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me.

COMMANDER    You, boy!

BOY    Yessir?

COMMANDER    Bring my horse, quickly!

LEM    You're needed here, surely?

COMMANDER    You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men.

LEM    Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit.

COMMANDER    Corporal?

CORPORAL    [acknowledging] Yes sir.

FANSHAW    Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty.

SOUND    LEM DISMOUNTS

LEM    Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark.

CORPORAL    Excellent! 

FANSHAW    I'll see what I can turn up.

GRISHAM    Found you!

FANSHAW    Oh, damn! 

GRISHAM    You ain't never getting away from me, you--

FANSHAW    [hits out]

GRISHAM    [ungh!]

FANSHAW    Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting.

SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES

GRISHAM    [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised.

LEM    [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse.

GRISHAM    What?

LEM    You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me?

GRISHAM    [all the bluster gone]  Yeah.

LEM    Good.  I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle--

SOUND    GUNSHOT

LEM    [gasp, hit!] Damn!

SOUND    QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE

GRISHAM    Hah!  I still gotcha!

LEM    [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up? 

CORPORAL    [commanding] Men!

SOUND    MORE GUNSHOTS

LEM    [groan]

SOUND    BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES

END

 

NEXT EPISODE BEGINS

SOUND FADES IN AND OUT

COMMANDER    Hold on, there, fellow.

LEM    [vague] all's well?

COMMANDER    We got em.

LEM    My pack?

COMMANDER    I'll set someone to finding it.

FADE OUT

DOCTOR    Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood.

FADE OUT

BOOTMAKER    I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--?

FADEOUT

WOMAN    Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back.

SICKROOM

LEM    [annoyed moan]

FANSHAW    You're awake.

LEM    [quiet]  Anyone--?

FANSHAW    Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet.

LEM    Good.  I been shot?

FANSHAW    At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching.

LEM    [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.  

FANSHAW    [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go?

LEM    Go?  go where?

FANSHAW    [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it.

LEM    [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through?

FANSHAW    I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared.

LEM    [satisfied]  Good.

FANSHAW    I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I?

LEM    Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind.

FANSHAW    Oh.

LEM    Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over?

FANSHAW    [bracing breath]  Yes.

LEM    [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it?

FANSHAW    Yes.

LEM    [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you.

FANSHAW    So she did--?

LEM    [shrug]  Yup.  So?

FANSHAW    [surprised] So?

LEM    You cain't be the first.

FANSHAW    First?

LEM    Nor the last, like enough.

FANSHAW    But it... doesn't... bother you?

LEM    Well, you don't do it no more.

FANSHAW    I... don't?

LEM    'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants. 

FANSHAW    What?

END