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19 Nocturne Boulevard


19 Nocturne Boulevard is an award-winning anthology audio drama series that ran from 2008 through 2013, and then went into deep hibernation.

STILL working on that Comeback!!

Also the creator of Fatal Girl, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Lovecraft 5, The Prisoner of Hancock House, The Decadence of Borrowed Silk, Eternal Dusk Roulette, and Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories.                                                        Join our awesome Patreon supporters!

Jun 23, 2022

When reformed gunslinger Lemual Roberts (formerly the Deadeye Kid) and his sidekick, British travel writer Clarence Fanshaw, roll into town, things sometimes get a bit... spirited....

But sorting out a feud in Ozark hill country might be more than
they can handle. 

Cast List

Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson
Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson
Sheriff Nell - Hillary Dixon
Bartender - Joel Harvey
    DRUMMONDS
Eb Drummond - Dan Conklin
Jake Drummond - Jake Stratton
    TARBOXES
Abner Tarbox - Bill Hollweg (of Brokensea Audio)
Hap Tarbox - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Marilee Tarbox - Beverly Poole
Jenfaire Tarbox - Jody Montague

Harmonica music by Jere Canote (Canote.com)
Other Music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock
Cover Photo:  Lauren Burbank (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com)

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's hill country somewhere in the Old West..."

**********************************************************************

THE DEADEYE KID

Cast:

Olivia

Lemuel Roberts (Deadeye Kid), retired gun, seen it all

Clarence Fanshaw, British writer, highfaluting

Hap Tarbox, last of the Tarboxes

Jake Drummond, last of the Drummonds

Marilee Tarbox, cause of the feud

Jenfaire Tarbox, Marilee's sister

Abner Tarbox, "old man" of the Tarboxes

Eb Drummond, old and more than a might tetched

Barkeep

Sheriff Nell Milford - ex-schoolmarm, talks purty.

OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's an Ozark cart-road, can't you tell? 

WESTERN MUSIC

AMBIANCE     DAYTIME WOODS - BIRDS, ETC.

SOUND    HOOF BEATS - TWO HORSES

LEM    Tell me again why you wanted to come on up here?

FANSHAW    I've told you a dozen times already, old chap.

LEM    Keep tellin' me and might could I'll believe it some time.

FANSHAW    [chuckle]  I am fascinated by the impact of emigrant culture into the Americas.  This particular area of the Ozark Mountain Range was heavily influenced by the Scottish who came here over the years.

LEM    I never heered no one from hereabouts sounding Scotch.

FANSHAW    Not surprising, my good man - Scotch is a whiskey.  Scottish is an accent. [chuckles]

LEM    [disgusted] I reckon.

FANSHAW    And you see, this area is most commonly known for carrying over the Scottish concept of the feud.

LEM    Well, I guess I did know that.

FANSHAW    Some feuds in Scotland went on for generations - long after everyone had forgotten the root cause of the conflict.

LEM    Yup.

FANSHAW    And this area is so isolated, nothing will have changed much for - oh, 200 years.  It's like a window into the past.

LEM    Speaking of holdin' grudges, Fanshaw, You might not want to say too much - folks round here might still be smartin' from that little dustup with your folks.

FANSHAW    My folks?

LEM    You know, hunnert-some years back?

FANSHAW    Hundred?  Oh!  Oh, yes.  I take your point, Lemuel.  Yes.  I shall keep mum, then, until we have tested the waters, so to speak, and understand the local population a mite better.

LEM    Long as you keep shet, I reckon we'll do fine.

SOUND    JUST THE HORSES FOR A MOMENT

SOUND    GUNSHOT

ABNER    Stop right there!

SOUND    HORSES PULL UP

LEM    [resigned] Don' want no trouble, podner.

ABNER    You one o' them?

LEM    Don' even know who them is.

ABNER    [hatred oozing]  Them Drummonds?

LEM    Not no Drummond.  Don' know no Drummonds.  Jest passin' through.  Name's Lemuel Roberts.

ABNER    Roberts?  You the Deadeye Kid?

LEM    [sigh, weary]  Used t'be.  I's retired.

ABNER    But you don't stand with them Drummonds?

LEM    I stand pretty much as you see me.

ABNER    [thinks a moment]  You's s'posed to be mighty good with a shootin' iron - any chance you'd like a job?

LEM    I don' take sides.

ABNER    It wooden take long.  You and me, we cud end this hyear thing once and fer all.

LEM    [sigh] I ain't a shootist no more.  Fight yer own battles. 

SOUND    HOOVES, CONTINUING UNTIL STOPPED

FANSHAW    [whispered] I say, what if he shoots you in the back?

LEM    [snort] Won't make no never mind.  He ain't no danger.

FANSHAW    [realizing something]  Oh!  [beat]  I'm always surprised that you see things like that so much more clearly than I.

LEM    Yep.  [dry sarcasm]  I'm the lucky one.

MUSIC

AMBIANCE    WESTERN TOWN

SOUND    ONE SET OF BOOTS ON WOOD

SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, BOOTS STOP

AMBIANCE    SALOON

PEOPLE    [talking, slight lull in conversations]

SOUND    BOOTS CONTINUE, DOOR SWINGS SHUT

PEOPLE    [Conversation resumes]

FANSHAW    [quietly] You certainly know how to make an entrance.

LEM    [quietly] Don' see too many strangers hereabouts.

BARKEEP    Certainly don't.  We're a mite off the beaten path.  What'll you have?

LEM    Whiskey.

FANSHAW    I could do with some myself.

LEM    [sighs, then loud, to bartender]  I dint see no sign.  What's the name of this here town?

BARKEEP    Locknaw.

FANSHAW    [excited, but still very quiet]  I knew it!  I'm quite sure there's a castle Lochnaw - I shall have to look that up.

SOUND    ONE GLASS BEING SET DOWN AND POURED

BARKEEP    Like I said, we don' get many strangers hereabouts.  No need fer a sign.

LEM    Reckon so.  [drinks quickly, reacts]  I heerd tell of some feudin' up this way?  P'raps why you get no company?

BARKEEP    Did that blasted Hap Tarbox try and hold you up?  [calling]  Sheriff?

LEM    No, no - I met someone, but he was might near civil. 

FANSHAW    You call that civil?

SOUND    OFF - CREAK OF CHAIR, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

LEM    They ain't no need fer...  You-- you all gotta female sheriff?

FANSHAW    I say--!

BARKEEP     [hurriedly, under his breath]  She's the only one no one--

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS STOP

SHERIFF NELL    I’m Sheriff Milford, but most folks just call me Sheriff Nell. 

LEM    Don’ take you very serious, do they?

SHERIFF NELL    They don’t have much choice.  Is there anything I can help you with?

BARKEEP    Tarbox's up to it again.

SHERIFF NELL    That’s preposterous.  I've got him locked up.  What's your name, stranger?

LEM    [reluctant, but rapid] Lemuel Roberts.  I saw someone--

BARKEEP    [belligerently, resents sheriff] Someone tried to stop him in the road and it surely weren't Abner Tarbox.

FANSHAW    I say, why?

LEM    [trying to calm them]  Dint nobody try to stop me.  I was just sayin I met someone on the road. 

SHERIFF NELL    What did he look like?

LEM    I dint--

FANSHAW    Just under 6 feet tall, ginger hair, perhaps 60 years old, ruddy complexion--

LEM    [undertone] tsch.  [up] --Dint get a good look at him.  He'us in the brush.

BARKEEP    That's Hap--

SHERIFF NELL    Hush.  Let's have a seat.

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS

SHERIFF NELL    This ...person... did he say anything?

SOUND    SQUEAK OF CHAIRS

LEM    Ast if I was Tarbox or Drummond.  When I said I dint know neither one from Adam, he passed on... on by.

FANSHAW    [chuckle]

SHERIFF NELL    When was this?

LEM    n'hour or so.  See here, what's a'goin' on?

FANSHAW     Yes, this is perfectly fascinating!

SHERIFF NELL    [sigh] Tarbox - Drummond feud.  Started long before I arrived in town.  They've just about managed to kill each other off.  The only ones still fighting are Hap Tarbox and Jake Drummond, and neither one has any children, so Locknaw's just keeping its head down until one or both is done in.

LEM    And you're the only one they all--

SHERIFF NELL    I was made sheriff because I'm the only one in town with no kin on either side.  I came to Locknaw as schoolmarm, if you can believe it. 

SHERIFF NELL     (continues) Took this on since it was the only way to keep them from shooting up the town every Friday night.  Now they just terrorize each other - and strangers.

FANSHAW    Perhaps we can help?

LEM    I'm not much of one fer interferin'--

SHERIFF NELL    That isn't what I've heard, Mister Roberts. 

LEM    [Sigh]

FANSHAW    Your reputation precedes you.

LEM    I cain't never get away from it.

FANSHAW    [with Nell] Double negative.  [chuckles at Nell's reaction]

SHERIFF NELL    [with Fanshaw] You shouldn't use a double negative like that.  [NOTE she does not react to Fanshaw's comment.]

LEM     I don't rightly care. 

SHERIFF NELL    I’m so sorry.  Old habits.  I'm-- [sigh]  Sorry.  If you truly don't want to interfere, I'll--

LEM    I dint not say that - neither.

SHERIFF NELL    [laughs]

FANSHAW    You're smarter than you act sometimes, "podner."

LEM    Only, it's more on account of what I used to be, than what I am, if you take my drift.

SHERIFF NELL    I'm afraid I don't.  Quite.

FANSHAW    He's a reformed man.  Trying to make up for the things he feels he has done wrong.

LEM    Let's just say that if I still were who I was, I'd prob'ly be wantin' money fer this.  Being who I am now, I'm just tryin' to -- well, get inta providence's good books.

SHERIFF NELL    Expiation.

FANSHAW    My precise word.

LEM    Naw, just payin' back for my sins.

MUSIC

AMBIANCE    WOODS, ONE SET OF FOOTSTEPS IN UNDERBRUSH

FANSHAW    Are you sure this is safe?

LEM    You don' have to come along.  You're sumpin' of a trial.

FANSHAW    That's the sort of thanks I get!  If it were not for me--

LEM    You know I don' mind the comp'ny, I jest meant--

SOUND    LOUD SNAP OF TWIG

FANSHAW    Was that--?

LEM    A twig.  We should be jest about there, if'n I reckon right.  [grunt]  Yep - it's cleared out over thataway.

FANSHAW    That will make a delightful change.

SOUND    CRUNCHING THROUGH BRUSH, THEN FEET ON DIRT

FANSHAW    [low]  I say, look there, Lemuel.

LEM    [low]  I see her.  [up, very deferential]  Ma'am?  Ma'am? 

MARILEE    [gasps, taken completely by surprise] Oh!

LEM    Ma'am, please, we don' mean no--

FANSHAW    --any--

LEM    --no harm.  Jest want to set and talk for a spell.  Are you Marilee Tarbox?  I was told I might find you hereabouts.

MARILEE    [utterly bewildered] I-- I--  What are you doing here?

FANSHAW    We've come to speak with you, my dear young lady, about the - ahem - altercation between the Tarbox family and the Drummonds.

MARILEE    I'm afeared that'us all my doin'.

LEM    That's why we come.  Can you bear to tell it?

MARILEE    I'us s'posed to marry my removed cousin Abner Tarbox, but I’us took with love for Eb Drummond.  So young and fetchin--

FANSHAW    How utterly tragic!

MARILEE    Ayep!  As t'was, I dint make it nowheres.  Never did get to church.  After-- well, Abner and all brought me back here, and here I's stayed. 

FANSHAW    And of course, Abner couldn't marry you, after all that had happened--

MARILEE    [shocked]  That's crazy talk!

LEM    Don' pay Fanshaw no mind.  He's furren.  They talk plumb crazy all the time.

FANSHAW    Lemuel!

LEM    Miss Marilee, so you's tellin' us that it was you harin' off that started up the feud?

MARILEE    S'all I know about.  [ashamed]  O'course, no one much talks to me no more. 

FANSHAW    That is most definitely their loss, miss Tarbox.  You are as lovely as a veritable posey in springtime.

MARILEE    [smiling] Crazy but sweet, aincha just?

MUSIC

SOUND    MORE BUSHWHACKING

FANSHAW    I don't see what more we need to know - Miss Marilee's abscondance was the root of the conflict.

LEM    I jest don't see it.  It ain't -- drastic enough, to my mind.

FANSHAW    Trust me, it takes very little to set Scottish blood afire, even at this far remove!

SOUND    GUN SHOT

FANSHAW    Was that--?

LEM    Yup.  That one WAS.  Stay here.

SOUND    DROP HEAVY BAG ON HARD GROUND

LEM    [Calling]  I ain't yer enemy!  Whoever y'are, I ain't none o' this!  Jest want some palaver.

JAKE    Ain't a Tarbox?

LEM    Wouldn't even if'n I could.

FANSHAW    [off] I'm not even going to try...

LEM    [low] Hesh.  [up]  Can I come on?  You see my hands, a'right?

JAKE    [beat]  All right.  Come on, then.

LEM    [to Fanshaw] Keep shut.  I don't fancy getting' kilt here.

FANSHAW     [off, fading]  Right-ho, Lem.

SOUND    WADING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH

JAKE    Who are you, then?

LEM    Lemuel Roberts.  You can call me Lem.

EB    [coming on, wheezy]  Looks like a Tarbox t'me.

JAKE     Lem.  I'm Jake.  You holdin' iron?

LEM    Left it yonder.

JAKE    [grunt of acceptance]  So what you come fer?

EB    He's scouting fer them. 

LEM    How bout you'n'I set a spell? 

JAKE    I reckon we cud do that.  Lord'a'mighty, put yer hands down - you look right silly.

LEM    Thankee kindly.  [grunt as he sits] 

EB    You cain't trust him, cain't trust none'o them!

JAKE    Lemuel Roberts.  Seems like I heered that name somewheres.

EB    He's the Deadeye Kid!  Just goes to show them Tarboxes are yeller enough to hire theyselves a gun!

LEM    [grudgingly] Folks sometimes call me... the Deadeye Kid.

JAKE    Thassit!  [suddenly suspicious]  Them Tarboxes, they pay y'all to come on up here?

LEM    Nope.  [sighs]  I-- I don't rightly know why I'm gettin' inta the middle o' this--

EB    He's a low-down dirty liar!  Check and see if he got him a forked tongue. 

LEM    Mister Drummond, I reckon the only folks I'm speakin' for here is the town.  They ast me to try and stop all this trouble, and here I am.  They jest ast me cuz I don't haveta live here, and I-- well, I guess I ain't a‑scared of much.  [slight snort]

EB    You shud be!  My boy here can shoot the eye out a silver eagle at twenny paces!

JAKE    [snort of disbelief] Y'all are gonna sort this here out?  Cain't think how you spect to do that.  This'us been goin' on for a donkey's years, and Hap ain't about to rein in none.  He's a curly wolf 'n no mistake.  Time and again, I tried to reach some kinder accord with him, but - well, I shore wooden be s'prised to find that boy was plumb rabid.

EB    That whole family got polecat in it somewheres.  Ain't none of the menfolk right in the head.

LEM    But you'ud set down if'n he did?

JAKE    [blows out air, thinking, then doubtful]  I reckon I cud, but I cain't see my way to trustin' him, nohow.  He'd lie soon as look atcha.

EB    Don't you go trustin' them Tarboxes, boy! 

LEM    If I sort this out right, he shou'n't have nothin' left to be afired up about.

JAKE    He was borned afired up.  Hmm... [beat]  Well, [slaps his thighs] Least I can be hospitable.  You a drinkin' man?

LEM    I wouldn't say no to a snort.

SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER AS JAKE GETS UP

JAKE    [going off] Be right back.

SOUND    FEET ON GRAVEL WALK AWAY

LEM    [waits a second, then] And you, sir? 

EB    Me?  Eh?  No one lissens to me!

LEM    Might you be Eb Drummond?

EB    [sly]  I might.... but not to any Tarbox. 

LEM    Marilee sends her love.

EB    [flabbergasted]  Marilee?  How’d you know Marilee?

LEM    Talked to her, jest as I'm talking to you now.  Figgered the boy wouldn't understand, so I waited to tell you.

EB    She--  Is she--?

LEM    I spect she's much as you remember her.  They never managed to get her hitched, if that's what you're worrying about.

EB    Then ...what happened--?

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL RETURNING

JAKE    Make it myself.  Old granddad's receipt.

EB    Boy does take after me.

SOUND    CREAK AS JAKE SITS

SOUND     BOTTLE TOP OFF, POUR INTO TIN CUP

JAKE    Get yerself around that, then.

LEM    [reacts - powerful, but not bad]

JAKE    [chuckles] Kicks, eh?

LEM    [coughing slightly] Like a cougar in a carrysack. 

EB    Yep.  Bites and scratches all the way down.

JAKE    [chuckles]

EB    Boy!  Yes you.

LEM    [very understated] Hmm?

SOUND    OCCASIONAL SIPPING, POUR OF ANOTHER DRINK, THROUGHOUT THE FOLLOWING

EB    [whispering throughout] Them Tarboxes, they said Marilee brought me a poke of gold coins, as a dowry-like--

JAKE    So you're fixin' to end the feud?

LEM    Yep.

EB    --and that's what started the intire mess.  When they - they ...found her--

JAKE    I'd be happier than a pig in swill if this was over. 

EB    --the coins weren't nowhere.  She never had 'em!

JAKE    I cud settle down.

EB    You b'lieve me, dontcha?

JAKE    Maybe raise me up some kids.

LEM    Yep.  [slight change in emphasis]  Sounds mighty nice. 

JAKE    It's Hap Tarbox won' letcha snap it off.

LEM    Reckon I'll ask him hisself. 

SOUND    CREAK AS HE GETS UP, DUSTS HIS SEAT

LEM    Afternoon.

JAKE    Here's luck.

EB    If you happen across Marilee again, tell her I- I'll come for her.

LEM    I'll carry that.

MUSIC

FANSHAW    Gold?  I was quite certain this all began with love.

LEM    Gold moves jest as many mountains.

FANSHAW    Yes, but you must consider - Love may very well vanish into thin air, but gold must have actually gone somewhere.

LEM    Plenty o' folks, these parts, ‘d bury it.  No one'ud ever know.

FANSHAW    Oh, come now.  A secret is only a secret if no one knows it.  Did he say how much gold?

LEM    Spect he dint know.  Not likely they'd a given no reckonin' to them they's accusin' of rustlin’, no ways.

FANSHAW    [sigh]  Sometimes I truly despair for your grammar.

LEM    [smile]  My Grammar's dead.  Keeled over when I wasn't but a pup.

FANSHAW    [sound of exasperation].

MUSIC

AMBIANCE    TOWN

SOUND    HOOVES - ONE HORSE

SOUND    HORSE STOPS, CREAK OF A DISMOUNT

SOUND    BOOTS ACROSS WOODEN PLANKING, KNOCK ON DOOR

SHERIFF NELL    [off]  Come on in!

FANSHAW    This Hap fellow isn't likely to be very cooperative, after his incarceration.

LEM    Let me do the talkin'.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

FANSHAW    [muttered] As always...

LEM    Sheriff?  Ma'am?

SHERIFF NELL    Mr. Roberts.  Have you had any luck?

LEM    A mite.  Can I jaw with your prisoner for a spell?

SOUND    HEAVY LEATHER CARRYSACK BEING SET DOWN

SHERIFF NELL    Hap?  Certainly.  Though I must warn you he's not very cooperative.  Right through here.

SOUND    JINGLE OF BIG KEY RING

SOUND    LADY'S FOOTSTEPS FOLLOWED BY SINGLE SET OF HEAVY BOOTS

SOUND     LOCK UNLOCKS, DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

FANSHAW    [off, calling, slightly disgruntled] I'll just wait out here, shall I?

LEM    [muttered] That's jest fine.

SHERIFF NELL    Hmm?

SOUND    FOOTSTEPS STOP, JINGLE OF KEYS AGAIN

LEM    Ah'm startin’ to see what mighta caused all this. 

SHERIFF NELL    How?  I've had Hap and Jake each at one time and another in lockup here, and neither one seems to know - or they simply won’t speak of it.

LEM    Ah’m good at listenin' to them as no one else pays any mind to. 

SHERIFF NELL    Whatever do you mean?

LEM    [he said too much]  Um, old folks, crazy folks, injuns - them kinds. 

SHERIFF NELL    [puzzled] Hmm.

LEM    If'n it gets the job done, I reckon the path I take don't matter much?

SHERIFF NELL    [sigh] Too true.  Well, see what sort of a path you can turn up in there - but I'm afraid you'll find it a rather crooked one.

SOUND    DOOR OPENS, BOOTED FEET GO IN

HAP    Wuzzat?

SHERIFF NELL    Someone wishes to speak with you, Mr. Tarbox.  Please try and be civil.

HAP    You can go to blazes, bezom.

SHERIFF NELL    Such a fine upstanding character.  I want nothing further to do with him. 

SOUND    BOOTS SLOW INTO ROOM.  DOOR SHUTS.

HAP     You can go to blazes too, who’e’er y’be!

LEM    Kinda dark in here, ain't it?

HAP    It's the pokey, nit. 

ABNER    Hey!  I clapped eyes on you afore this - on the road!  You said you wasn't involved! 

LEM    I ain't involved in none of this, jest trying to help the Sheriff keep the peace.  Now, she says Hap - that's you, ain't it? - is one o' them making trouble.

ABNER     It's them Drummonds!  They's the ones started it, stealin' our gold!

HAP    This is all them Drummonds' fault!  We're jest tryin' to get back our own!

LEM    I unnerstand that.  Now if'n I can nose out what y'all lost, get it back to you, would you agree to end this - make peace?

ABNER    My own cousin was kilt fer that gold!  That varmint Eb Drummond tricked her into stealin’ it, then crevassed her once't he done got hold of it!

HAP    [not convincing, too sly] I reckon I might could set down - long as Drummond does.

ABNER    Her folks was took hard - losing both daughters in jest one season.

HAP    Y'all come back when Drummond turns peacable, ya hear?

LEM    [muttering]  Two daughters?

HAP    What?  Wazzat?

LEM    [disgusted noise, then strangely inflected]  I'll speak with you again soon, feller.

HAP    Soon?  hah!

MUSIC

AMBIANCE    WESTERN TOWN STREET

SOUND    ONE PAIR BOOTS ON WOOD OR HARDPACK, WALKING SLOWLY

LEM    Didja see him?

FANSHAW    Yes.  While you were in conference with Tarbox, I took a look around - [heavy sarcasm] as much as I can manage on my own.

LEM    And?

FANSHAW    Jake Drummond was certainly watching when we left the Sheriff's office.  What shall we do now? 

LEM    I'm sore tempted to break Hap Tarbox out the pokey.

FANSHAW     Surely you jest!  Lem, that would be madness!

LEM    It'd be one way to end everythin'.

FANSHAW    Do you mean--?

LEM     You put two rabid dogs in one corral, you're bound to have at least one less dog.

FANSHAW    But Jake... He seemed like a rather reasonable fellow.

LEM     That's all at’s stoppin' me.

SOUND    PAPER UNROLLS

FANSHAW    What the devil is -- [confused] a wanted poster?  [very dry] You're holding it upside down.

LEM    Don' matter--

SOUND    PAPER IS ROLLED UP

LEM    --I jest took it.  Wanted sumpin' to make Jake wonder.

MUSIC

SOUND    BUSHWHACKING

FANSHAW    I don't see why we had to come all the way back out here. You've already spoken with Marilee. 

LEM    I reckon she might have more t'say about them two lost girls. 

FANSHAW     Do you feel it's so important?

LEM    Everthin's important - right up til you know what ain't.  This - well, I reckon its jest sumpin that got overlooked, and I cain't leave a loose rope to dangle.

FANSHAW    Colorful.  Do you still hear Jake behind us?

LEM    Reckon I do.

SOUND    LEAVE THE BRUSH, BOOTS ON HARD PACK

FANSHAW    Aha, the lady is expecting us.

MARILEE    [coming on] Y'all came back!

FANSHAW    Of course!  Simply to gaze upon you would brighten any man's day.

MARILEE    [giggles]

LEM    [disgusted] Now that the courtin's done with, you two want a hayloft somewheres?

FANSHAW    I say!

LEM    You say plenty.  Miss Marilee, we come back fer two reasons.  First, Tarbox said sumpin about two girls died the year the feud started--

MARILEE    My sister might could tell you more--

JAKE    [off]  What in tarnation is wrong with you, Kid?

LEM    [calling back off to Jake] This'll only take a moment.  You might want to--

EB    [off] Marilee?

MARILEE    [breathless] Eb?

FANSHAW    Now I see your scheme!  You romantic fool, you!

LEM    [calling] Jake, I need to apologize fer leadin' you all to hell and gone--

[BEHIND JAKE AND LEM, MARILEE AND EB EXCHANGE ENDEARMENTS - HE STARTS TO SOUND YOUNGER, LESS CROTCHETY]

JAKE    I should say so!  What you want with in a place like this? [slightly weirded out - it is a graveyard]  They ain't nothin' here.

LEM    I been thinkin' that mebbe the answer is here somewheres.

JAKE    Here?  Buried?  Was that paper Tarbox gave you a map?

LEM    No map.  See, two young ladies - were taken from their family, right about the start of all this, here.  I'm reasonable sure Marilee weren't the cause, so I have to ast myself, what about the other one?

MARILEE    Jenfaire?  What do you know about her?

LEM    Sheriff Nell says your sister left behind a child and a husband who weren't much more than a drunk and a troublemaker--

EB    That's a Tarbox all right.  Beggin’ your pardon, my dearest dove.

MARILEE    He'us a beast.  He hurt her so bad when he got too much white lightnin inta him. 

LEM    So I ast myself who would need the money more, if'n she were plannin' on lightin' out fer parts unknown - a newborned mama, or a girl gone to marry?

JAKE    But Jenfaire Tarbox, she was Hap's Grandma.

LEM    So Sheriff Nell said.

JAKE    She never dint go nowheres.

LEM    Not like she planned, no. 

HAP    [off] Hold it right thar!  Hands up, both of you!

LEM    Down!

JAKE    No!

SOUND    SCUFFLE, THEN GUNSHOTS [from off] WHICH PING OFF OF STONE.

JAKE    I reckon there's one good thing about meetin in a place like this.  [grunt as he rolls up to shoot]

SOUND    CLOSE GUN SHOT

JAKE    Plenty o’ cover.

LEM    Dammit, I'm trying to end this peaceable.

JAKE    Go out there and tell that sidewinder, then.  I'll put up when he does.

FANSHAW    Lem, he's behind a tree north-north east of here.  If you roll to the left, he won't have a clear shot.

LEM    Right.  Jake, you stay put.  Gimme some cover, but don't waste yer lead.

JAKE    [almost enjoying this] Oh, I got plenty.

LEM    Just cover!

SOUND    SCUFFLE AS LEM ROLLS AWAY.  A COUPLE QUICK GUN SHOTS FROM OFF, ONE FROM NEAR - THEY GO ON SPORADICALLY IN THE B/G

LEM    Get Marilee over here.  I need Jenfaire. 

FANSHAW    Right ho!

LEM    [yelling] Abner?  Abner Tarbox!

HAP    It's Hap, you chicken-brained dog-breath varmint!

JAKE    [hissing]  Course, it's Hap!  Abner got hung last month over to Conners Gulch.

LEM    [muttered] Dammit. 

FANSHAW    Here is Marilee.  Shall go and I fetch Abner for you, as well?

LEM    [sigh] Yeah.  If’n you please.

MARILEE    Jenfaire don' wanna come.  She ain't fit for comp’ny.

LEM    I ain't company, woman.  Think o' me as the law.

EB    [sounding much younger] Yes, darlin’, lissen to the--

ABNER     [off, coming on] Let go of me - you city slickin' furriner! 

EB    What the blazes!

ABNER     [grunt of effort] Hah!  [shocked] Marilee!

MARILEE    Abner!

EB    Stay behind me, Marilee.

SOUND    GUN SHOTS CONTINUE

ABNER    You little mink, runnin' off on me.

EB    You dint take no time a'tall to fetch you another bride, Abner Tarbox.

ABNER    [sarcasm] Right.  I plumb fergot it were almost five years afore you finally hitched up with Ellie Dean.

MARILEE    Oh!

EB    I had to, darlin'--

LEM    I hate to break up this li'l tea party--

SOUND    GUNSHOT

LEM     But if'n we don't sort things out right quick, your 'last remainin' will be joinin' you.

JAKE    [off] You say sumpin, Lem?

LEM    [calling] Talkin' to m'self.  [quieter, urgent] Get Jenfaire.

MARILEE    [going off] I'll try...

ABNER    [low]  Eb, Don't you never tell that purty little girl this, but I was jest as happy to see the back of her.

EB    What? Why?

ABNER    I's never sure but that we was a mite too close fer kissin, if’n you see where I's aimin'.

EB    Oh!

LEM    Sounds t'me like, if the gold's found, this whole thing can be done with.

MARILEE    Jenfaire’s here.  Talk. 

LEM    Jenfaire?  Where?

FANSHAW    She prefers to stay out of sight, Lemuel, but she will answer.

LEM    [Sigh]  I’ud rather look folks in the face, but-- Jenfaire Tarbox, wha'd you do with them gold coins?

JENFAIRE    [distant, wispy, teary]  I-- I hid ‘em under the cowshed, in a leather poke.  I meant to go back and..., and git.  Just git away--  but the baby come early.

LEM    I see.

JENFAIRE    --and I-- I dint make it.

LEM    Thank you ma'am, fer that.  You go on back now.  I'll try and turn this stampede.

EB    Can I-- I can stay here, with Marilee, cain't I? 

LEM     Reckon I don't know, but you can try.  [Up]  Hap!  I know where the gold is.  I'm standin' up, and if you shoot me, there ain't no one else alive can tell you where to find it.

FANSHAW    Must you rub it in?

SOUND    NOISE OF STANDING:  CREAK OF LEATHER, PULLING SELF UP ON HEADSTONE, ETC.

HAP    [off, calling] Tell Jake to throw down his weapon.

JAKE    Ain't gonna happen!

HAP    Tell him--

LEM    Ain't gonna happen, Hap.  But Jake is gonna walk away, and you and I are gonna go on and get yer coins.

JAKE    [whispered, still hunkered down] I ain't!

LEM    Jest go.

SOUND    [beat, then] JAKE STANDS, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL

MUSIC BUILDS     NOT A CHANGE SCENE, JUST A DRAMATIC MOMENT

SOUND    CLICK OF HAMMER ON REVOLVER

SOUND    GUNSHOT, SOMEWHAT IN SLOW-MO

SOUND    SECOND GUNSHOT - GOES WILD, RICOCHET.

JAKE    [yell of surprise]

HAP    [off] Unggh!  [impact]

FANSHAW    Oh, good shot.

JAKE    [turning around/coming on] What in tarnation?!

SOUND    BODY DROP, OFF

HAP    [off, death rattle]

LEM    [under his breath]  Damn.

MUSIC

SOUND    HIS AND HERS BOOTS ON WOODEN PLANKS

SHERIFF NELL    So Mr. Roberts shot Hap?

JAKE    The critter was fixin' to shoot me in the back!  He couldn't not do it.  [beat]  Ma’am.

SHERIFF NELL    Did anyone else witness this?

JAKE    Nope.  I'm plumb sorry miss, I mean sheriff, ma’am, but it was jest the three of us.  [beat]  And all them headstones.

SOUND    BOOTS STOP. DOOR OPENS SLOWLY, WITH EFFORT

SHERIFF NELL    Ungh - what is -- wrong --?

JAKE    Let me help ya, miss.  Ungh --

SOUND    DOOR OPENS GRUDGINGLY, SOMETHING FABRIC IS BEHIND IT

SOUND    MUFFLED CLINK

SHERIFF NELL    A rotted old leather sack? 

MUSIC

SOUND    TWO HORSES HOOVES

FANSHAW    You could have kept some.

LEM    [down] Sheriff Nell there will see it gets put to good use - mebbe fer a church or a school or sumpin.

FANSHAW    You did the right thing.  That town is free of a terrible burden.

LEM    [down] My hands done it.  Dint give me no time to think twice.

FANSHAW    If not for your interference, Lemuel, a good man - Jake - would be dead.  [beat] Try to think of it this way - you ended the feud with but a single shot. 

LEM    [starting out of slump] Yeah, I reckon a single shot kin have some kind of power.

FANSHAW    Yes.

LEM    [kidding, sly] Like that shot heard round the world?  Jest over a hunnert years ago?

FANSHAW    [huffy] Yes, well. 

LEM    [chuckles a bit]

MUSIC OUT

CLOSER

 

NOTE:  Poem with the line shot heard round the world was written in 1837.