Aug 26, 2022
While recovering from his injuries, Lemuel Roberts (The Deadeye Kid) must try and make peace between two local factions - a group of Swedish loggers (please overlook our sincere attempt at translation) and a team of Yorkshire miners - neither of which speaks any English that Lem can understand...
Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson
Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson
Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson
Doc - Russell Gold
Mrs. Doc - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard
Ezra - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Mrs. Beamish - Judith Moore
The Yorkshire Miners:
Scabby Bill: John Lingard
Stevie K. Farnaby
The Swedish Loggers:
Oly - Lothar Tuppan
Nels - Danar Hoverson
Cover Design: Brett Coulstock
Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom
Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org
Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson
No gunshots herald his approach.
No trademark left behind him when he leaves.
The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by -
as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.
Some say he rides alone.
That's the Deadeye Kid.
Taste of the Beholder [DeK6]
Taste of the Beholder [DeK6]
FANSHAW Lem! Everyone's gathering! It looks a bit of a party.
LEM What's them Swedes a-doin?
FANSHAW They're standing by. Like a menacing wall of blonde.
LEM [laugh, then coughs]
FANSHAW Are you quite sure you're up for this? The doctor said you'd worn yourself nearly into a relapse.
LEM Why you think I'm a-lyin here, stead-a being out there?
MRS. DOC [behind door] You all right in there? May I come in?
LEM [up] Yes ma'am.
SOUND DOOR OPENS, SHE ENTERS
LEM Jest tryin t'sort out some words as might work with these fellers.
MRS. DOC That sounds wise. You've already done wonders. But I have a favor--?
LEM Anythin' ma'am.
MRS. DOC [hesitant] If you can, can you perhaps get them to-- uh--
LEM Go on?
MRS. DOC To fix my window, there? They are the ones that broke it.
LEM I already planned on jest that, ma'am. Donchoo worry.
MRS. DOC Mr. Roberts, you are a veritable angel.
LEM Oh, no ma'am. Just a man of plain talkin. [laughs, then coughs a bit]
MRS. DOC Get you round a bit more of this and rest you til you're good and ready to come on out. They can just hold their hosses.
FANSHAW I'll go and see how far the "royal progress" has come.
FANSHAW [sigh] Still out of sight. Come along Ezra, let us see if we can catch a glimpse of this mysterious lady.
EZRA Are they gonna fight?
FANSHAW [definite] No. My friend Lem has maneuvered them into peace talks.
EZRA It would be fun to watch them fight, but ain't very angelic, is it?
FANSHAW No. Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, now, would we?
EZRA Is that the lady, in the cart? With the big hat and veil?
FANSHAW I would assume so. A bit of an affectation for the wilds, but everyone has their little vanities.
EZRA Why'ud a lady wear a veil? Is she really ugly?
FANSHAW I don't know about this particular lady, but many ladies wear them to protect their delicate skin from the harsh sun.
EZRA Ain't much sun under all these trees.
FANSHAW And some ladies, well, they wear a veil to put men at a disadvantage. No one is entirely comfortable talking to someone they cannot rightly see. [pause] I need to let Lem know what all is going on. I'll be back shortly.
EZRA Thought you said they wasn't a-gonna fight!
FANSHAW They weren't supposed to! Blast! That looks like more of the Swedes, taking the cart!
MRS. BEAMISH [screams] Tyke yer bleedin' 'ands off me, ye dodgy swine!
FANSHAW Not much of a lady. And nothing much we can do here.
EZRA Oh, lookee! That feller got punched right off the cart!
FANSHAW I need to go and tell Lem. Would you stay with them and see where they go?
EZRA [eager] That would help ya?
FANSHAW It would be very helpful.
EZRA I'm your man. [distracted] Oh goodness! That fellow slammed into the tree! That's gotta smart something fierce!
LEM They here yet?
DOC No. It's not so far from the camp that they shouldn't be in sight yet.
FANSHAW Lem! Ambush!
LEM [quiet] Aw hell.
LEM [sigh, considering best way to say] I think I ...heard something.
DOC [more joking than suspicious] You must have the plumb smartest ears I ever did encounter, Mr. Roberts. The way you keep hearing things.
LEM [covering] Uh... Gotta be, livin' raw on the range. Ya don't hear sumpin a-comin up on you, well, you deserve whatever ya get.
DOC I reckon so.
LEM And with the window broken, sound can get in more.
DOC What is it you heard?
LEM Fighting. Or leastways a yell. Sumpin that spoke "fight" to ma mind.
DOC You think there's still trouble?
LEM I'll lay odds that lady ain't gonna make it here any time soon.
DOC Dag nabbit.
SOUND STORMS OUT OF ROOM
SOUND SOMEONE RUNS UP
OLY Vad är det? [What is it?]
KJELL [out of breath] Vi tog henne! [We took her!]
OLY [incredulous and angry] Du gjorde vad? [You did WHAT?]
KJELL [uncertain] Vi ... tog kvinnan tillbaka. [We ... took the woman back.]
SVEN Bra! Nu har vi vad vi betalat för! [Good! Now we have what we paid for!]
OLY Du idioter! Nu blir det krig! [You idiot! Now there will be war!]
FITCH What wasp flee up thon jacksey? [what got into them?]
SCABBY BILL 'Appen t'were skrike I heered? Lads-- [That might have been a shout. The lads--]
PIKEY Clack on't devil! Eyup Jimmy! [speak of the devil.]
SOUND RUNNING FEET
JAMES [gasping and in some pain] Eyup! Them brutes come out't snicket, 'ave cart upskelled and auld lass gone, bahn for none can ken, afore aught'n us could raise 'and. [those fellows come out of the bushes and attacked! Tipped the cart and took the woman before we could react!]
FINCH Good night! Could smell t beer, sae close to settlin' t' slate, and such 'appens. [Damn! Just when this was going to settle peacefully, this happens.]
JAMES Canna settle now! Yon 'eads want thumpin'! Paid in full. [too late to make peace! I want to beat some heads! They deserve it!]
FINCH Dustup does nae good for aught-- [a fight won't do anyone any good]
PIKEY [playing devil's advocate] Nae, lad. Tha path's neither nowt nor summat. Time fer muckin out. Nae room fer them as tek such libertines - to clamber out t' shrubbery and ketch up what's nowt fer them. [no, lad. Your way is doing no good. Time to clean this up. There's no place for those who would lay in ambush.]
SCABBY BILL Tha's the pot! Us'm tek'er first! [You're one to talk! We took her first]
PIKEY [making his point] S'truth, do we chance to scutch, mayhap yan or two might fall - and then us left must delve t' more. [Of course, if we fight, if we strike a blow, some of us may die - which leaves the rest of us to work even harder at digging.]
MINERS [mutters] "s'truth." "Ba gum." "It gets right up ma cuff." "'Arsh, that." "Toes up o'er grub? Nae!"
JAMES Us'll clean them clocks! [we won't lose!]
PIKEY Ne'er seen clock tha could clean.
DOC [loud, trying to get all attention] CALM DOWN!
ALL GO QUIET
DOC Bother. That's about all I got.
LEM This's how wars get lit.
FANSHAW Who is this woman anyway? Helen of Troy?
LEM Was she on the stage or sumpin?
FANSHAW [chuckles] no, she was a king's wife who was abducted by another king and a great and glorious war was begun.
LEM Ain't no war great and glorious. Not till everyone as been there's long dead.
LEM How'd they end that war?
FANSHAW [a bit embarrassed] They made a giant wooden horse.
LEM [laughs] I think mebbe you gotta tell me this story later, when we ain't about to have all hell cut loose on us. [groans, getting up]
SOUND RUSTLING OF CLOTHES, ETC.
LEM Ain't no choice here. Both them top fellers seem to lissen t'me. Much as doc's a good man, he don't have the touch.
SOUND DOOR OPENS
FANSHAW Speak of the devil!
DOC Here now! What are you doing, Mister roberts?
LEM I'm planning on facing them in full gear fer once.
DOC You are not facing them at all... you know what's happening?
LEM I gotta right good guess. Since the miners were a-bringing her here, I spect twas the loggers jumped em and done took her.
DOC I think so.
LEM Hitch up the cart. We're gonna mosey to the logging camp.
LARS [commanding] Du! Kock! [You! "cook"]
MRS. BEAMISH [snide] Ain't never understood one bloomin word out ye mouf, but vat sounds rigth filthy ye cheesehead!
LARS Du kom hit för att laga mat för oss. Du är skyldig en skuld. [you came here to cook for us. You owe a debt.]
MRS. BEAMISH Gah-on. Say somfing in normal talk. Ah dare ya.
LARS [to Kjell] Tror du att hon förstår? [Do you think she understands?]
ARN Hon låter lite arg. [She sounds a little angry.]
FREDEK Jag tror att hon låter galen. [I think she sounds insane.]
NELS Sure, it is like standing to the knees in a mire.
EZRA Why's that, Mr. Nels?
NELS You! Can you do something?
EZRA What should I do?
NELS Get that woman over here. The one that was calling out.
EZRA Who? Oh! [laughs] That's no woman! That's Mr. Fanshaw.
NELS Well, he sounds like one to me. Is there anything he can do?
DOC Brought the wagon round. Come on then, lemme give you a hand.
LEM You kin carry my kit, if you would.
DOC You need support--
LEM [definite] No. Gettin me to the door, that's right fine, but outside, I gotta put the fear o' god in them, best I can. And being carried round like a cripple sorta puts a bonnet on that.
DOC I'll be right behind you, then. Just in case.
MRS. DOC [slightly defiant] I, on the other hand, could use all the support you care to give.
MRS. DOC Not from you, dear. Mr. Roberts, if you might give me your arm, sir?
MRS. DOC I've already got my hat on, husband. We might as well get moving.
DOC What exactly do you think you are doing, woman?
MRS. DOC [super sweet] Why, I'm accompanying my beloved husband and his patient on a little wagon ride.
LEM [tries not to laugh]
DOC I forbid it!
MRS. DOC [sweetly] Oh, of course, dear! If you prefer, I can wait here at home, the home these silly men have already broken into - from both sides, I might add. Wait until someone decides that the easiest way to get this to end is perhaps to take me hostage, or threaten--
DOC [losing steam] Oh hush!!
LEM The lady has a point, doc. Seein as I still think we gotta a fair chance of stoppin this without none getting hurt, it'ud likely be safer, ma'am, if you were to stay by us.
MRS. DOC Good. Now take my arm, Mr. Roberts, for goodness sake! You're swaying like a sapling.
EZRA Mr. Fanshaw! [laughs] Nels says you sound like a lady.
FANSHAW It is just my accent. The way I talk.
EZRA You do talk funny.
FANSHAW Can you go and ask Nels if his men understand a white flag of truce?
EZRA What is that?
FANSHAW When men - or even armies - want to talk rather than fight, they will come bearing a white flag.
EZRA Where do they get a white flag?
FANSHAW They just make one. Please. It is important that we know.
MINERS [Arguing] "More brass'n brains" "near as makes n'matter" " that's a threp in't steans" "caffelin' t' 'oil works, am I."
LEM [sigh] Shut up!
SOUND STILL FIGHTING
LEM Pardon me ma'am. Step aside if you please.
SOUND HER STEPS
ALL [go quiet]
SOUND SOMETHING DROPS
Taste of the Beholder [DeK6]
LEM You miners. You... uh... manskers. Um. [slowly, with gestures] We go in cart to your--
LEM Yes, your camp. You lead us.
SCABBY BILL [slightly out of breath] Right. Nowt wait aught mair. Us'm goin - wi'thee, or nowt.
LEM We's all a-goin. [to Mrs. Doc] You get on up in the wagon now, ma'am.
MRS. DOC [a bit shaky] All right.
DOC [quiet] Doesn't look like anyone is hurt too bad.
LEM They's all still on their feet.
OLY [slowly, trying to be understood] detta var inte min idé. Inte jag. Jag kommer att tala strängt till dem. [this was not my idea. Not me. I will speak sternly to them.]
LEM You lead. [turns to Scabby Bill] You follow. Reckon?
SCABBY BILL Reckon.
SOUND SOMEONE RUNNING IN PANIC
GRADY [gasping muttered mantra] Don't slow down, don't slow down. A log! Oh sweet Jesus!
SOUND THUMP, SCRAMBLE, SLOW MOVEMENT
SOUND BEHIND HIM, MEN
MAN1 Keep heading downhill!
MAN2 Brush too thick over there! This way!
GRADY [barely there prayer] Pity me! [couple of deep breaths] [sound of exertion]
SOUND RUNNING AGAIN
SOUND CART PLODDING
DOC [quietly] That was a foolhardy thing you done back there, Irene.
MRS. DOC I cannot disagree.
DOC You should never've - what?
MRS. DOC [sweet] I was merely agreeing with you, husband.
LEM [quiet chuckle]
DOC [trying to stay annoyed] But-but you-- [loses it, laughs] My mother always said you would be a handful.
MRS. DOC I believe mine said something very similar.
DOC About me?
MRS. DOC [laughing] No, about me.
LEM If I was a man to interfere, I might say you're a lucky feller.
DOC I cannot disagree.
LEM Lucky the lady is on your side, if you don't mind me saying so, ma'am.
FREDEK Många män kommer! [Many men are coming!]
LARS Vi kommer inte ge upp! [We will not surrender!]
FREDEK Detta är inte något att dö för! [This is not something to die for!]
ARN Jag skulle hellre dö än att äta en annan måltid tillagad av dig. [I would rather die than eat another meal cooked by you.]
LARS Jag ser Oly. [I see Oly.]
ARN Han ser arg. [He looks angry.]
FREDEK De måste ha vapen. [They must have guns.]
NELS Nothing worse than to have to sit and listen to them babble.
OLY [off, yelling] Alla ni! Stå vid sidan! [All of you! Stand aside!]
NELS And cannot do anything when Oly tells them to calm down.
LARS [yelling] Är de hotar dig? [Are they threatening you?]
OLY [off, yelling, pissed off] Du är en idiot! Vi var överens. Då har du stört! Du står åt sidan! [You are an idiot! We were in accord. Then you interfered! You stand aside!]
JAMES Tha gormless bastard! Guns or nowt, us could take 'em! [Idiot. Even with the guns, we could win.]
PIKEY And 'oo ist 'aveta send tha mam word o thy beefing. Appen I should say 'er son died of 'is own barm, or sweeten tha death wi' claims thee lost fight to a chuckie. [And I will have to write to your mother. What would you like me to tell her, that you died of being stupid, or that you lost a fight to a chicken?]
TED [sigh] And us start sommat, it'll nae stop 'ere. [If we do start something, the fighting will not end here.]
FITCH I dinna feel fer the fight. Yon stormcloud, 'im seems a fair measure. [I don’t feel like fighting. That fellow - he seems fair.]
PIKEY Cud gang fer a slurp missen. [This would be a good time for a drink.]
MAN1 and MAN2 [closer than before] [yelling "Just over that ridge!" "Get him!" "Yeller bastard!"]
GRADY [gasping and ragged] Good god above, [gasp] please, [gasp] send me into a river. Anything. [gasp] Just to get me [gasp] get me away...
SOUND HORSES. CART NOT MOVING.
DOC [whispered] Irene, I prefer strongly that you remain in the cart.
MRS. DOC As always, I defer to your wisdom, dear husband.
DOC [rueful laugh] Hah. Good.
SOUND HE CLIMBS DOWN
MRS. DOC I'll also keep a close eye on the shotgun.
DOC The what?
LEM I'll leave my satchel here as well, if you please, ma'am.
MRS. DOC Happy to be useful. [like speaking to kids] You two go on now and make peace.
FREDEK Oly! De kommer! [Oly! They are coming!]
OLY Var inte dum. De är redan här. [Do not be stupid. They are already here.]
FREDEK Fler män! Bakom åsen! [More men! Behind the ridge!]
NELS Sure I do not think those fellows are of these men.
EZRA More fighting?
FANSHAW And this must be Nels.
NELS And you must be from England.
FANSHAW Why, yes. Though I do not sound much like my "countrymen" down there.
NELS Nay. You sound like most Britishers.
FANSHAW I suppose I do.
NELS Just like a woman.
FANSHAW I do not!
EZRA You do a bit.
FANSHAW [grinding out, trying to change the subject] You said something about more men?
NELS Sure, over the ridge. Quite a ways off. I can barely get close enough to see, but they are traveling fast, for men on foot.
FANSHAW We'll have to keep an eye out for them, though I am quite certain that all the men I've seen - on either side - are here.
EZRA Mister Fanshaw?
NELS All of my men are here. Even those with a head full of porridge.
FANSHAW That's a blessing anyway.
EZRA Mister Fanshaw!
FANSHAW I am so sorry, Ezra. I was lost in thought.
EZRA You want I should go and look at the men a-coming?
FANSHAW They sound like they're rather far off.
EZRA I can go real far off.
FANSHAW [interested] Really. Very well. You'll go and see how many there are?
EZRA I'll find out everything for ya.
FANSHAW I wonder just how far "real far" is.
SOUND CROWD RUMBLE, BUT NO TALKING
SOUND LEM'S SLOW FOOTSTEPS
LEM Um, [to Oly] Dam?
OLY Ta kvinnan här! [Bring the woman out here!]
LARS [grumbling] Vi var bara försökte hjälpa [We were only trying to help]
OLY Go! [Go!]
NELS If they wanted to help so bad, sure, why did they never make the time for to learn some words?
FANSHAW Always much easier to see mistakes when it is too late.
SOUND DOOR OPENS, LARS AND MRS. BEAMISH COME OUT
FANSHAW This? This is the woman all the trouble has been over? She's ...hardly what I expected.
LEM Ma'am. They's been quite a ruckus over you.
BEAMISH Oh, Luvly. Anuvver what don't speak the Queen's English.
LEM I guess I speak American, then. But I hazard you understand me fine.
BEAMISH [begrudging] I kin mike yer out.
LEM That's good. Now these fellers, they have some claim to you?
NELS Sure, she owes us five years service.
BEAMISH [grudgingly admitting] Aye... They do.
LEM Five years. Legal.
BEAMISH [annoyed sigh] Aye.
DOC [whispered] How'd you get that?
LEM [whispered] Guessed. Standard indenture.
BEAMISH [whining a bit] But I can't unnerstand a bleeding word outtav'em!
FANSHAW I say, Nels, you paid for that? Under all that veiling, she sounds rather... old.
NELS What do you expect in a cook? Sure we don't have to look at her while we eat.
FANSHAW A cook! Good gad!
LEM But you had no trouble doing the work they put you to?
BEAMISH Good plain cooking. Even such as they musta liked it, for I dessay they never let a plate go cold.
DOC Cooking? They're willing to fight over a cook?
LEM I reckon with a wife like your good missus, you've never had to eat day-old burnt scratch.
MRS. DOC [calling from off, excited] Husband?
LEM Go on.
DOC [walking off] Yes, dear?
SOUND MEN SLOWLY SEARCHING
SOUND BREATHING, IN A TIGHT SPACE
GRADY [trying to quiet his breathing]
EZRA That's a lot of men to send out fer one fella. You must be a bad man.
GRADY [whispered] Someone up there, please help me!
MAN1 I think I heard something!
LEM [whispered, to fanshaw] Ask Nels the word for "share".
FANSHAW You're thinking to split the baby again.
LEM Amazing how many problems boil down to something that simple.
DOC Lem? We - my wife and I - might have a congenial answer for all this fuss.
LEM Do tell.
DOC Well, Mrs. - uh - Beamish, is it?
BEAMISH Beamish. Aye.
DOC My good lady wife suggested I extend an invitation for you to stay with us.
BEAMISH Where's 'at, then?
DOC Our house. It's rather in the middle of all this.
BEAMISH Won't say no to sleepin in proper 'ouse. Not them shanties.
DOC [a bit slowly, trying to make it understandable to all] You stay our house--
SOUND [rumble of muttering on both sides]
DOC Cook. Cook a lot.
BEAMISH I dearly 'ope you're tryin'a talk t'them, cos I ain't that bleeding thick.
DOC They are the ones who need to agree.
BEAMISH Go'ahn then.
DOC [to miners] You come. Eat. [to loggers] You. Eat.
LEM [quiet] Eat? Nels?
NELS [Eat] ata
LEM Thankee. [up, to doc] "ata"
DOC Oh? All right. You. Come to house. "ata".
LARS [annoyed] Jag tror att han säger att hon ska laga för honom. [I think he is saying she will cook for him.]
NELS Sure, they do not want to give her over to the doctor either. He has a wife to cook for him.
OLY Nej, säger han vi äter, också. Tror jag. [No, he says we eat, also. I think.]
FANSHAW No, no. He's trying to say that the woman will be in the middle, and both sides can come and eat in peace. No more fighting.
NELS Tell them ["You eat too"] du äter för.
FANSHAW Lem? Did you--
LEM Doo ah-ter fore.
OLY Ya. Mycket bra. [Yes. very good]
LEM And you all?
PIKEY Nae more tae eat bab out Bill? [snort] I don't gi' a chuff where's hersen rest. [No more eating the shit Bill cooks? I don't care where she stays.]
TED 'Appen 'at's a relief! [That's for sure!]
JAMES Eh, by gum.
SCABBY BILL Ere, now!
PIKEY Tha noz thee's no' called Scabby fer Nowt. [You know they don't call you scabby for nothing.]
DOC Nice to know that people can be peaceable, even--
SOUND GUNSHOTS, DISTANT
ALL [reactions! Gasps, expletives] "Hellfire!" "Wha's't faff?" "flipping 'eck!"
EZRA Mister Fanshaw? I think they's heading this way.
Taste of the Beholder [DeK6]
LEM [urgent, but even voice] Doc, I fancy it's time you take the ladies back to that fine house of your'n.
DOC But I can help--
LEM [more forceful] BY taking THEM to safety. If we's needin you atall, it's like to be after the battle.
SOUND GUNSHOTS, DISTANT
MRS. DOC [off, a bit worried] Husband?
LEM Mrs. Beamish, you go on now with these good folk. We got some rough work ahead of us.
MRS. BEAMISH Ain't never been one to run, but finking feedin th'lads come vict'ry's more my place.
SOUND SHE WALKS TO WAGON
DOC [quiet, but knowing it will do no good] You should come with us.
LEM And hosses should lay eggs. [chuckles] I'll stay still as I can. But I'm the king pin yokin these fellers one side t'other. Go on now. [up] Ma'am, if you could hand me down my sack? I might find myself in need of a few more shells.
MRS. DOC Here you go. [very concerned] You make sure and look after yourself, you hear? My husband put a lot of work into you.
DOC [amused but still worried] You heard her - and you know how ornery she can be.
LEM I reckon I do.
DOC [confidential] You fire three shots in the air, all at once, and I'll be back lickety-split with the shotgun.
LEM Preciate it.
SOUND DOC WALKS OFF
LEM [slight groan] Quickly - You, Bill. You, Oly.
SCABBY BILL Right.
SOUND SCRATCHING IN THE DIRT
LEM [talking while drawing terrain and pointing at things] Sun. There. Hill. There. Ja?
OLY Ja. Bäck. Ge. [stream. Give.]
LEM Take it.
SOUND MORE SCRATCHING
SCABBY BILL Thass river?
OLY Bäck. [stream]
LEM Close enough I think. Bill, can y'all circle round here, over to the left, with yer fellas, and come up alongside? They got guns and you don't, so I suggest comin on 'em from hidin.
SCABBY BILL Us'm?
LEM Course, it ain't yer fight, but--
SCABBY BILL Nay problem, lad. Lads're pantin' fer a good donnybrook. [shrug] Canna beat on't Swedes, them ticks'll haveta play the Judy.
LEM All righty then, sounds like yer all in. Go on. Get ye some stout branches and knock em down, but try not t'kill em.
SCABBY BILL Why them tea party manners?
LEM In case they ain't the villians here.
SCABBY BILL Ah. Right. We're bahn.
SOUND WALKS OFF
SCABBY BILL [off, calling] Ayup lads! There'll be cracked pates afore sundown, I'll be bahn!
LEM Now for the tricky one.
OLY Du vill att vi ska åka på detta sätt. Runt den andra sidan. Och angrepp från bakhåll? [You want us to go this way. Around the other side. And attack from ambush?]
NELS He says do you want our men to go around the other way and attack from ambush as well?
LEM [startled laugh] Oly, old son, we'll get you tricked up with English talkin yet.
OLY vad är det? [What is that?]
LEM Later. After dust settles.
NELS Tell him "senare" [Later]
OLY Ja. Bakhåll? Ja? [Ambush]
NELS [translating] Attack from behind.
LEM Ya. Go on.
OLY [going off] komma mäniskor! Dags att slå några huvuden! [come on men! Time to beat some heads!]
LEM [heavy sigh, slight groan]
LEM [quiet] I'm alright. I'm alright. Just tuckered out. Ain't nothin better for fellers like these, but to fight together 'gainst some other varmints. Think this will end it once and fer all.
FANSHAW I certainly hope so.
AMB NIGHT, CAMPFIRE ON LEFT
OLY [clearly storytelling] Vi reste snabbt och tyst. Då vi hörde dem. Arn gömde sig bakom ett träd. Lars var under en fallen stock. [We traveled fast and quiet. Then we heard them. Arn hid behind a tree. Lars was beneath a fallen log.]
ARN Hah! Bra att vara kort, eh, Lars? [Hah! Good to be short, eh, Lars?]
SWEDES [general laughter]
OLY Vi ser tre kommer! En lång en i en hatt och två andra. Gräslig. Cruel söker. De rör sig långsamt, letar efter något-- [We see three coming! A tall one in a hat and two others. Ugly. Cruel looking. They move slowly, looking for something--]
MUSIC WIPE ACROSS THE SOUNDSCAPE
AMB CAMPFIRE ON RIGHT
SCABBY BILL Nowt but three up't front, but us cud 'ear more clamberin in't lee.
PIKEY [bragging] Like scratch hisself in't garden, I were oop on deadfall like bird in't nest. Thass nowt ne surer as none'll raise them eyen. [I'd crawled like snake up along a fallen trunk, like a bird in a nest. And no one ever looks up]
SCABBY BILL Aye, lad. Ain't soul in t' world cud suss windy sot might drop out of clear blue ont' im's pate. [I'll give you that. No one expects a flatulant drunk to fall out of the sky on his head.]
MINERS [general laughter]
PIKEY [correcting him haughtily] Nay, nay. Windy sot wieldin' t' grandest thump 'im ever see'd. [A flatulant drunk with a great big stick, I remind you!]
MINERS [more laughter]
AMB CAMPFIRE ON LEFT
OLY Att en - med skriande skratt - var upp i ett träd. Jag fruktade för dig som han tappade på toppen av. [That one - with the braying laugh - was up a tree. I feared for anyone he dropped atop of.]
ARN Åtminstone var det inte oss! [At least it wasn't us!]
SWEDES [general laughter]
OLY Han vinkade till mig. Då pekade förbi männen. Sedan lyfte han två händer fingrar. Många män skulle komma! [He waved to me. Then pointed past the men. Then he raised two hands of fingers. Many men were coming!]
FANSHAW It sounds like a fascinating story. I wish I could understand a word of it.
NELS He was saying that the noisy fellow--
FANSHAW Aren't they all rather noisy?
NELS [laughs] THAT one - got above. High up. Counted the men coming behind. Showed him fingers for the count.
FANSHAW Accord without a single word. Lovely.
AMB CAMPFIRE ON RIGHT
FITCH Beyond tha' ken, Bill, our Pikey gives the wrist to yon tall tallow hair. [girlish noise] Ooooh! Tis in ma mind him's a sight too long wi'out a damp scuffle. [But what YOU didn't see, Bill, was Pikey making obscene hand gestures across to the tall blonde fellow. I think he's been alone too long.]
SOUND SLIGHT SCUFFLE - FRIENDLY SMACK
PIKEY Dinna fash. Tha'd be first choice, fitchy m'lad. Smack afore yows and kine. Past that, mayhaps Swede. Blondes ain't nivver turned ma top. [kiss kiss noise] [You'd be my first choice, Fitch, right before ewes and cows. I have never been fond of blondes.]
FITCH [teasing] Ooh-ah. Get a good scrub on thee aught often, afore thee clack. [Bathe. Then we'll talk.]
MINERS [general laughter]
SCABBY BILL Right. 'oo's keeping a tally? [jokingly making a list] Needed f'r camp - butter, shot, tobacy, loose females. [Right. Someone make a list of things we need for the camp. Start with some loose women.]
MINERS [hysterical laughter]
AMB CAMPFIRE ON LEFT
OLY De var fortfarande ute. Kanske för en person. Kanske för ett djur. Något som kunde dölja sig. Vi sprider vidare bakom dem, lugn och vaksam. [They were still looking. Maybe for a person. Maybe for an animal. Something that could hide itself. We spread further behind them, quiet and watchful.]
LARS Jag var längst. När den sista passerade, jag slog ner honom snabbt. [hit noise] [I was furthest. When the last passed by, I hit him down quickly.]
SWEDES [approving mumble]
AMB CAMPFIRE ON RIGHT
SOUND WAGON SLOWLY MOVING IN FROM A DISTANCE
PIKEY Afore mine eyen, them axes circle up the jacksey, and I knew us'd ne'er let it be said us'd come up short in t' tally! [I saw them blonde fellers moving behind. I knew we'd never want to lag behind.]
SCABBY BILL No. So... Pikey made t' shrill--
SOUND SHARP WHISTLE
SCABBY BILL [reacts in pain] NOWT up ma lug! [angry sigh] Wi' a cry t' lads pounced! [Not in my ear! And we attacked]
FITCH Like yoked set of dannys, us come right side, cack side! And them'us jiggered like clemmy shale. [Like a pair of hands, we came from right and left. They broke like lose rock.]
AMB LEFT CAMPFIRE
OLY Var och en föll. Slås ner av våra modiga händer. Eller våra vänner händer. [Every one fell. Struck down by our brave hands. Or our friends' hands. [raising his voice]] ALL GOOD!
SCABBY BILL [off] I hears that! [yelling back] Ayup lads? ALL GOOD!
SWEDES and MINERS [not very much in unison- just loud]
DOC [off] Ho there! Sounds like it's safe to approach?
SOUND [OUTSIDE] THE MEN YELLING AND LAUGHING
LEM [rousing from half sleep] Yup? Sounds like peace at last.
FANSHAW And the doctor just arrived. [chuckles] With a kettle of something hearty, and some lovely-
LEM Biscuits? [chuckles]
FANSHAW [chuckles too] He'll be in here in a moment, I'm sure. [beat] The men - both factions - were rather impressive. Possibly less impressive than the tales they're telling at the moment, but they did very well.
LEM Who was it they's up against?
FANSHAW Looks like outlaws. Chasing a fugitive.
LEM And the feller they'us after?
FANSHAW [sigh] He was already ... done for. Gone.
LEM [sigh] The Doc's spare room is looking like heaven just about now.
DOC [outside] Mister Roberts?
LEM [a bit weaker] In here!
AMB DOC'S HOUSE
DOC I will not hear of you leaving that bed for at least a week, Mister Roberts.
MRS. DOC [from off] Don't you get it into your head that you'll be able to sweet-talk your way past me neither.
LEM I got no plans to budge aught farther than the broth and biscuits require to reach my mouth.
AMB DOC'S HOUSE
FANSHAW They're all in the kitchen, yes. From the smells, that Beamish woman is very nearly as accomplished in the kitchen as our lady hostess, despite her lack of - ahem - refinement. They have set the men to building a sort of cookhouse. Just an annex big enough for her to serve out of. The doctor's wife objected, you see, to having all these men troop through the house at mealtimes.
LEM Cain't say that I blame her. Catch me up a bit?
FANSHAW They say the way to man's heart is through his stomach - and we now have clear evidence this works for groups of men as well as it works on individuals. They've all become the best of chums. And those Swedish follows are learning English, bit by bit.
LEM One more victory for--
LEM [down] I was gonna say salvation. Had a might too much time to ponder my past while I been laid up here.
FANSHAW I shan't pry, but you know I will gladly listen to anything you feel the need to unburden yourself of.
LEM Thankee kindly, but my burden is my own.
FANSHAW Well. When you are up to visting, We should make a trip to speak to the fellow who was being chased by the outlaws.
LEM Where ARE they, anyway?
FANSHAW Several of the men took them down a flatboat on the river to the next landing. Haven't made the return yet - I gather it takes a few days.
LEM Mm. Good.
FANSHAW But, you see... this fellow was ...killed a bit further out than I can reach. It's very frustrating. Ezra, though...
LEM Oh, yup - this Ezra you been talking about? How come I ain't seen him, never?
FANSHAW I don't know. He's a child. A spirit. Who prefers to think of himself an angel. I rather think he's been here quite a long time. And Lem...
FANSHAW I-I feel quite dreadful about this, but - you understand, I have been endeavoring to find some way to help him pass on. But there's this---
LEM Spit it out and let's see what color it is.
FANSHAW Ezra can go just about anywhere within the entire valley. That is rather a long distance. He seems to have very few of the limitations that I find myself so hampered by. I don't understand it one bit, and I have this - notion - to try and figure out why. Before I help him find his way onward.
LEM Guess it's a good thing I'm laid up, then, ain't it?