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19 Nocturne Boulevard


19 Nocturne Boulevard is an award-winning anthology audio drama series that ran from 2008 through 2013, and then went into deep hibernation.

STILL working on that Comeback!!

Also the creator of Fatal Girl, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Lovecraft 5, The Prisoner of Hancock House, The Decadence of Borrowed Silk, Eternal Dusk Roulette, and Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories.                                                        Join our awesome Patreon supporters!

Apr 20, 2022

HELP SUPPORT NEW EPISODES!
 
Next month (May 2022) will be one of the following (contact us through twitter or facebook or email to vote!):
A.  Deadeye Kid prequel
B.  Fatal Girl, season 2, episode 1
C.  Something else entirely
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TALK THE TALK
Written by Julie Hoverson, sound mixing by Neil Gowland
CAST
Lydia Farnsworth - Julie Hoverson
Thomas Farnsworth - JD Lauriat (Haunted House Flippers)
Alice White - Shannon Perry (OZ-9)
Phone - Pete Lutz (Narada Radio)
Judge - Russell Gold
Foreman - Jay Langejeans
D.A. - Kerr Lordygan
Guard - Jimmy Robbins
Couch - Chris Hart
Elevator - Cary Michael Ayers
Lighter - Richard Hand
Lamp - Boyd Barrett
Sink - Blythe Renay
Gun - Thomas Rippert
Closet - Joe Griffin
WHISPERS
Erin Suminsby
James C. Taylor
Ruya Telhami
Julie Hoverson
David S. Dear
Fiona Thraille
 
***************************************************************
 
 

TALK THE TALK

Cast:

Olivia

Lydia Farnsworth

Thomas Farnsworth

Alice White

Judge

Foreman

D.A.

Guard

Phone

Couch

Elevator C

Lighter

Lamp

Sink

Gun

Closet

MUSIC

OLIVIA Why, it's a courtroom, can't you tell? Where else would you find... a murderer?

Scene 1.

LYDIA [condescending, replying to a question] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. ... Yes, yes. ... I killed him. It was self-defense. He was planning to kill me. ... [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] Of course I can't say who told me - everyone would think I was utterly insane. When it started, Icouldn't even understand it, much less believe - how could I convince anyone else?

MUSIC

Scene 2.

STING

LYDIA [narrating] I know I am a joke. An older woman, rich and prominent, married to a much younger - well, a youngerman. And I'm not THAT old - 40 isn't really, and everyone says I look more like 35. But he looks 29 - which he is - so ... tongues will wag.

SOUND Tom screams, long, distant and echoey.

LYDIA Oh, that was later. Tom almost never screams.

TOM [screams, but happily] Hey!

SOUND ROULETTE WHEEL.

TOM Didja see that? Boy oh boy, if I could bottle that!

LYDIA [purring] You're a lucky man.

TOM [interested] We-e-ell.... I guess I am. Hey Kitten, wanna help make a rich man poor again?

MUSIC

Scene 3.

UNDER

LYDIA [narrating] It was that moment that I fell for him. He didn't know who I was, but he wanted to give me a treat. I kept it up for a while, pretending to be just another secretary on vacation, not letting on. I felt so guilty, letting him pay for all those dinners, the gifts...

TOM Kitten, this necklace is just aching to be around your neck. Hear it? [silly voice] Hey lady, take me home, I love you....

LYDIA [narrating, suddenly struck by something] Oh. [beat] No, no - never mind.

TOM Don't you know that everything has a voice? Listen to the wind - it calls your name to me, telling me I gotta keep hold of you. Whattaya say, Kitten? Wanna make it permanent?

MUSIC UNDER

LYDIA [narrating, shaken] Yes, he DID say things like that - perhaps that was why... [beat] Tom worked late a lot - particularly after I told him I was - we were - wealthy. It was like he felt he had to make up for something. He never even introduced me to his family - just said he grew up dirt poor. I think he was ... ashamed.

TOM [filter] Sorry, Kitten, but I gotta really burn some oil on this one. You understand, right?

LYDIA Of course. [narrating] What else could I say, it was so sweet of him to worry. To want to make me proud.

Scene 4.

SOUND Candlestick phone hangs up. Footsteps walk away.

PHONE [Male voice, filter] He's cheating on ya.

LYDIA [panicked, slightly distant] What? Who?

PHONE [filter] The husband. Tom. He calls HER all the time when you're out. You want her number?

LYDIA Who is this? Where are you?

PHONE [filter] Right over here, where I always am.

LYDIA [getting more agitated] I don't see anyone! Is this some kind of game?

SOUND Footsteps, hesitant, then dashing about.

PHONE [filter] I wanted to show my appreciation, see, for not throwing me over when the new model came out -

LYDIA What? Where are you?

SOUND Door opens.

LYDIA [muffled slightly] Hello? Where...?

PHONE [filter] No one understands a classic any more.

SOUND Door slams.

LYDIA [sobbing] This is not funny! I don't know who you are, but you can just get out!

PHONE [filter, very close] I'm right here. Look down.

LYDIA [quavering] Wha-a-at? [relieved] Oh, the line must still be open.

SOUND Candlestick phone picked up, taken off the hook, tap of cradle.

LYDIA [loudly] This is not funny, whoever you are. I don't...

SOUND Dial tone - continues in background until stated.

LYDIA What...?

PHONE [filter] I'm not ON your phone, lady. ... I AM your phone.

SOUND Clatter of phone hitting floor, dial tone continues, but distant.

PHONE [filter] Hey! I'm trying to help you here!

LYDIA Nooo!

SOUND Phone is kicked across floor.

SOUND Dial tone stops.

LYDIA [breathing hard]

SOUND hesitant footsteps, continuing.

PHONE [Unintelligible, distant whisper]

LYDIA [whispered] How can you be talking?

PHONE [whispered, wavering] Closer, come closer.

LYDIA I'm... I'm sorry I kicked you.

PHONE [moans, slightly closer]

LYDIA Are you ... all right?

PHONE [whispering] I gotta ... you need to hear this.

SOUND Phone picked up from floor.

LYDIA Yes, I'm listening.

PHONE [shouting] Don't DO that!

SOUND Phone hits floor again.

MUSIC

UNDER

LYDIA [narrating, matter of fact] I felt so bad. But it wasn't hurt. They really built those old phones to last. And what it toldme...!

PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7. I don't know who she is, but what he says to her - whoo-wee.

Scene 5.

LYDIA [narrating] But how could I tell anyone? My PHONE spoke to me? I told THEM I got an anonymous call. And of course, the phone never used a name, so it wasn't precisely a LIE...

TOM Kitten, I'm home!

LYDIA Oh, yes. Tom. The phone line lothario. [calling away] Darling, was it a good meeting?

TOM The best. [SOUND: KISS] Not better than coming home, though.

LYDIA [neutral] Of course.

TOM Oh, you're not mad, are you kitten? It's important that I do my time at the office, don't you see? Show everyone - show you - that I'm not just a... a...

PHONE Gold digger.

LYDIA What?

TOM You know, a social climber.

PHONE Gi-go-lo.

LYDIA Did you hear that?

TOM What? If it's the Joneses and their idiot record player again...

LYDIA No. It's nothing.

LYDIA [narrating] It wasn't nothing, of course. Soon, other supposedly inanimate objects began to have their little piece to say...

Scene 6.

SOUND water running

SINK [cheery] Almost out of soap! And my drain will clog if you don't stop him from washing down his coffee grounds!

LYDIA Him?

SINK [significant, like a hint] Him.

LYDIA [narrating] After the initial shock wore off, it was so EASY to listen.

SOUND Click of light being turned on.

LAMP [high squeaky voice] On! Better?

LYDIA [startled] What?

LAMP Are you going to read? Knit maybe? HE likes the dark. Especially when she's here.

SOUND Light switched off.

LAMP [voice now low] Off. Yep. Just like that.

LYDIA [narrating] At first I thought I was crazy, but then I realized - if I was crazy, how could I know all the things they were telling me?

SOUND plumping up pillows

COUCH [seedy voice, out the corner of the mouth] I know who she is.

SOUND Plumping stops, Lydiasits on couch.

COUCH Hey, I didn't ask you to sit on me!

LYDIA Oh! Who is she?

COUCH I would recognize her from behind better, if you catch my drift...

LYDIA You mean she actually sat on you - I mean on MY COUCH?

COUCH You don't have to rub it in.

LYDIA [narrating] I had to have it out with her. I COULDN'T just let this - this farce - go on, right under my nose and behind my back!

PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7? You got it.

SOUND Phone dials.

LYDIA What'll I say?

PHONE I could tell you what HE says...

SOUND Phone picks up.

LYDIA Shut up!

ALICE [filter] Well!

SOUND Slams phone down.

LYDIA This is hopeless. How can I find a person from her phone number?

PHONE All you need is a good story.

COUCH [off mike] I know a couple of good stories...

PHONE & LYDIA Shut UP!

LAMP [high squeaky voice] You tell 'em!

Scene 7.

SOUND Phone is dialed. Picked up.

ALICE [filter] Hello?

LYDIA [brisk, but clearly reading] Telegram for Sunset 1-1-9-7 - May I have your name please?

ALICE [filter] White. Alice White. [concerned] A telegram?

LYDIA Good. Miss White, can you confirm your address, in case we need to forward a copy to your home?

ALICE [filter] What's the message?

LYDIA I have to confirm your address, miss. The message is marked urgent.

ALICE [filter, more worried] 24 Topham drive, floor 6. Now what-?

SOUND phone hangs up.

LYDIA & PHONE collapse into giggles.

COUCH & LAMP laugh too.

SINK [far off mike] What? What's so funny?

MUSIC

Scene 8.

UNDER

LYDIA [narrating] I went. I had to. I needed to see this cuckoo's egg. Alice White. What a name - plebian, that's what I call it. Strictly middle class. AND the elevator was broken in her building.

SOUND Buzzer, door opens.

LYDIA Alice-

ALICE [friendly] -- White. And you?

LYDIA [narrating] She was horrible. Horribly perfect - buttermilk complexion, flaxen hair... She should have been a dairymaid in one of those travel posters for Holland or Sweden - one of those places with dirndls and windmills and tulips.

ALICE Can I help you?

LYDIA [narrating] At least I had my story straight this time - my phone is VERY handy with a lie. [to Alice] I am here seeking donations to the Mid-Town Orphanage. Can you spare anything? [Narrating] From the looks of her - the threadbare, out of fashion dress, the tatty carpet in the hall, she was sure to laugh in my face-

ALICE Oh, gosh... [going away] I'm sure I've got something. Hmm... here! [coming back] Can you maybe use this?

LYDIA [numb] A lighter?

ALICE I think it's real gold, and I don't smoke. I couldn't think what to do with it.

LYDIA Won't... your husband... be annoyed?

ALICE [giggles] Got none. Not yet. It was sort of a present - kind of like for emergency money, but I'd feel bad just selling it or throwing it out, but this sounds like a real good cause.

LYDIA [narrating] I walked away with the gold lighter in my hand - the gold lighter I GAVE him for our honeymoon...

LIGHTER [British accent] I say, don't I know you?

LYDIA [narrating] I waited until we were alone. [to lighter, whispered] How did you get THERE?

LIGHTER [whispering] Oh, this is jolly exciting, just like Scotland Yard...

LYDIA Answer me!

LIGHTER If you must take that tone! Young Thomas gifted me to her. I see almost as much of him here as I ever saw in his flat.

LYDIA MY flat.

LIGHTER Oh, like that is it? Well well well...

MUSIC

Scene 9.

UNDER

LYDIA [narrating] It was all true. And she was so darned NICE I couldn't even hate her. Just HIM. I felt like a character in a bad drama - the cheated wife. So alone... But I wasn't alone, you see. I had all of THEM.

SOUND Door shuts, footsteps.

LYDIA [off mike] Dear? Are you home?

SOUND phone hanging up.

TOM [on mike] You bet, Kitten!

LYDIA Oh, good. I was afraid you'd forgotten--

PHONE You asked me to let you know if anything interesting happened?

LYDIA ...our anniversary?

PHONE He was just talking to ... HER.

TOM Now what kind of a husband would that make me?

PHONE A heel. [admonishing] On your anniversary.

LYDIA [shaky] I need to ... to powder my...

SOUND footsteps running away

TOM Hunh. Women.

PHONE You can say that again.

SOUND door slams.

NEW SCENE_9.5

LYDIA [crying] Oh, Tom!

CLOSET Psst, over here.

LYDIA What? Over where, Who is--?

CLOSET I'm the one with the suits hanging in my rear, whaddaya think?

LYDIA [sighs] Oh. [sniffs]

SOUND footsteps

LYDIA [weakly] Yes?

CLOSET Check the top shelf. [annoyed] On his side!

SOUND door opens. Boxes shift. Something metal is picked up.

LYDIA A gun? When did Tom get a gun?

TOM [off mike, muffled] Kitten, honey? We need to get shuffling. Are you powdered enough yet?

LYDIA [calling] Almost! [whispered] When? Tell me!

CLOSET What am I, a calendar? I don't know dates from donuts.

LYDIA [frustrated noise]

CLOSET But what I DO know is that that piece of hardware wasn't in me until... yesterday.

LYDIA Yesterday?

TOM [muffled, off mike] Kitten? I'm coming in!

LYDIA Don't you dare!

SOUND doorknob rattles, Lydia's running footsteps, door slams shut.

LYDIA I'm - I'm wrapping your present, darling. You've got to give me a moment.

TOM [pleased] Ohhhh. All right, I can wait. I hope it's a lighter - I've only been hinting ever since I lost that great one you gave me before.

SOUND Gun cocks.

LYDIA [muttered] I should give him the same one - see how he laughs at that.

SOUND Footsteps back to closet. Boxes shift.

LYDIA I think it was ... [grunt of effort] about there.

GUN HEY!!! What are you, crazy? Never leave me lying around cocked! I could go off!

MUSIC

Scene 10.

STING

LYDIA [narrating] I thought about it for a long time. About the gun. About what it meant - being in Tom's closet and all. And I wondered if he could possibly be planning what I might think he was planning.... Even if he did intend to kill me, could I do something about it? Get him before he got me? I LOVED Tom. And he'd always been so sweet...

PHONE Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. What you need is gumption, sweetheart.

LYDIA Just because he's cheating doesn't mean he's planning to ... to--

PHONE To buy a gun? Too late. What else do you think he's NOT planning to do?

LYDIA He wouldn't - couldn't - hurt me. Any more than I could hurt him--

SOUND door opens

TOM Oh, hi! [puzzled] Hello? Kitten, who're you talking to?

LYDIA [easily] Just the phone, dear.

SOUND short smooch.

LYDIA [narrating] I was getting rather good at lying. Almost as good as the phone - now, THERE was a champion. I guess it came from hearing all those lies... All the time.

TOM [talking on phone] Bob? Listen, it's me, Tom Farnsworth. Yes, from Farnsworth & Wilson. Now, we need to talk...

PHONE [over Tom, whispered] Funny, Bob's usually a fella's name...

LYDIA [reacts]

PHONE He's getting worse. You need to DO something.

TOM [continues under Phone] Yes, that's right - tomorrow for lunch. ... Dinner instead? I think I can... Let me just check. [to Lydia] Kitten, can you spare me for dinner tomorrow? Big client...

LYDIA [long beat] Of course. Dear. I have someone I really need to talk to anyway. [narrating] The next night, I knew where to find him. Unfortunately, I couldn't take any of my ... friends ... with me - except the lighter, and that accent was getting on my nerves.

LIGHTER I say!

Scene 11.

LYDIA [snorts] But when you're like me, there's always someone around to answer questions...

ELEVATOR ...about five minutes ago? Yeah, I know the guy. He's a regular. Sometimes I even take him up.

LYDIA Are you working today?

ELEVATOR [huffy] Whaddaya mean? I'm always working!

LYDIA But the sign...

ELEVATOR The super puts the sign up to save electricity - cheapskate. Now, if youknow how to run me up...

LYDIA [deflated] I'm not sure...

ELEVATOR Step in, it's pretty much automatic.

SOUND elevator gate slides open

ELEVATOR See the button there....

MUSIC

UNDER

LYDIA It's funny how every THING I ever talked to wanted to be so helpful, when all the people around me weren't. The elevator even gave me a little tip...

ELEVATOR That little knob right there - that's what keeps the door shut when I'm not around. The spring pushes it out - and then, when I come up, it gets pushed in, and voila...! You don't want the door comin' open up here when I'm in the basement, eh?

LYDIA Oh, no.

SOUND DISTANT BELL.

ELEVATOR Whoops! That's me. Would ya' get the door? I gotta go, sweetheart.

LYDIA Oh? Oh, certainly.

SOUND ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES.

LYDIA I crept down the hall, ever so quiet.

SOUND door opens

TOM [off] ...right back - just need - [on mike] Oh. Lydia.

LYDIA [deep breath] You needn't worry. I'm leaving.

SOUND Sharp footsteps

TOM Lydia. Kitten. It's not what you think!

SOUND Tom's footsteps rush to catch up to her.

LYDIA Stay away from me, Tom.

TOM Just stop!

LYDIA [reacts as Tom grabs her] Uh! Let go of me!

SOUND Slight struggle. Lydia's footsteps running.

LYDIA I had only one chance...I ran for the elevator. But the gate wouldn't open! I pushed and pushed--

SOUND Elevator door opens. Lydia's footsteps stop, Tom's footsteps catch up.

TOM Let me--

LYDIA No! Let go! [sound of exertion, pushing him away]

SOUND Tom's footsteps stagger, then...

LYDIA Oh, no! It's NOT--!

TOM [screams as he did at beginning]

LYDIA And that was that. I tried to stop him from going over. At least I think I did, but it WAS my fault.

ALICE [coming on mike, breathless] What...? Where's Tom? You're that lady--

LYDIA Tom? He's MY husband! How dare you--

ALICE [panicking] What have you done to Tom? Where's my brother?

MUSIC

Scene 12.

UNDER

LYDIA [narrating] And that's why I'm here. If he was cheating on me, I would have fought harder. Could have gotten away. But the look on that girl's face... My own sister-in-law.

TOM [screams again]

LYDIA Yes, and poor Tom.

SOUND Gavel hits twice

D.A. Your name please?

LYDIA [condescending] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that.

D.A. And you are testifying in your own behalf of your own free will?

LYDIA [testy] Yes, yes.

D.A. You are on trial for the murder of your husband, Tom Farns-

LYDIA I killed him. It was self-defense. I thought he was planning to kill me.

D.A. What led you to think your husband had such designs?

LYDIA [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] I suppose I could have admitted everything, made a plea for mercy on the grounds of insanity, but I--

TOM [screams again]

LYDIA [narrating] I simply couldn't get Tom out of my head. I don't know how all these murderers do it, just kill people and walk away.

SOUND Gavel bangs

JUDGE Has the jury reached a verdict?

FOREMAN We find the defendant ... guilty.

LYDIA [resigned] I was relieved, actually. I believed I could face anything, since I would never really be alone. Even the judge's gavel had a kind word. ...Though not the judge.

JUDGE For your heinous crimes, I hereby sentence you to death.

CROWD [Reaction, gasps]

MUSIC

Scene 13.

STING

LYDIA I suppose it was only right - and I really had no reason to go on living, without [SOUND: same scream] Tom. Funny how I look back and see how badly mistaken we all were. It's far too easy to blow things right out of proportion.

SOUND footsteps, cutlery set on plate.

GUARD You done with that?

LYDIA Yes, thank you. It was ... surprisingly tasty.

GUARD It's time, then. Come on.

SOUND jail door opens, footsteps slowly walk.

VOICES [Whispers begin comforting at the start, build.]

LYDIA [whispered] Thank you. Thank you all so much.

GUARD What?

LYDIA Nothing. [narrating] Everything is so encouraging, telling me how brave I am. I'm not brave, really, just ... just tired.

GUARD Stop.

SOUND KEYS JINGLE.

LYDIA Such a relief, really. And then... I'll be with Tom.

SOUND LOCK UNLOCKS.

Scene 14.

WHISPERS [fade out]

LYDIA I didn't notice it immediately. My mind was miles away, thinking about how I would make it up to him - he'd certainly understand, about how it was really an accident and all.

SOUND SQUEAKY DOORKNOB TURNS.

LYDIA But the voices were gone. Even when I closed my eyes and concentrated, there was nothing. It left me feeling ... very ... alone. Oh, well, it wouldn't be for long.

SOUND [DISTANT, OFF MIKE] PHONE RINGS.

GUARD Stay here.

LYDIA What? Of course. I've nowhere to go.

SOUND FOOTSTEPS, phone picked up

LYDIA Once I rejoined Tom, everything would be all right. I wouldn't NEED them - my friends - any more. Just him.

GUARD [behind and under Lydia] Yeah? Who?

LYDIA That's why I let it get this far. Fired my lawyer. Made no defense. Admitted everything.

GUARD [behind and under] Uh-huh? Got it.

LYDIA Just to bring me to this moment. And I wasn't afraid - no matter what this room, this horrible room, might have to say, I was ready.

SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME BACK

LYDIA And it wouldn't take long. Not long at all, they say. And then, [happy sigh] Tom.

GUARD Come on.

SOUND KEYS JINGLE

LYDIA Well, it's about time. Isn't everyone waiting?

GUARD [beat] Not any more, lady.

SOUND LOCKING DOOR

LYDIA You're an idiot. Open this door.

GUARD I may be an idiot, but you're a loon. [beat] That was the governor. You've been commuted. Come on back...

LYDIA [gasp, then sharp] Don't talk nonsense. [plaintive, ending in a wail] No! I can't be left all alone! You simply have to kill me!

MUSIC