Oct 28, 2021
Good intentions may pave the way to ruin, but when Fran - a precocious 11-year old - sets out to rescue what she fervently hopes is a kidnapped child, Halloween may never be the same!
Written and produced by Julie Hoverson
Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio
Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson
Cover Photo: Jeff Mackay (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com)
"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's a suburban street, where else would you find...goblins?"
This was one of the original episodes I had ready for the 2008 Halloween season. It's set in a sort of 1950s era of classic monster movies. I never actually specify that, but references to bobby socks and Corliss Archer (an old time radio show) should be a bit of a clue.
One silly thing I should note in here is Fred and Bob (and in other episodes June and Kathy as well) - these are my generic names for extra characters who speak but don't really have personalities, and show up in surprising numbers if you look over the cast lists for a lot of my shows. I found that I would waste time trying to come up with interesting names for all these background characters, and lose my train of thought and it would stall my writing, so I just dub the first such characters Bob and Fred for males and June and Kathy for females, and move on. Later, they may become more specific and get real names, but often enough they just remain half generic. I also find it makes them slightly easier to keep track of than "man1" or "woman B"
Naming characters is often half the fun. You see me play with names in many of my shows - D. Meeks in "A Stitch in Time", where Dougie jokes about "D. Meeks inheriting de Earth," or the way so many people in the vampire world of "The Big Dark" took new "vampire names" that are some variation on the characters from Stoker's Dracula.
The names of episodes are often some kind of pun or inference, as well. Not so much Hallow's Eve, but The Big Dark is a riff on The Big Sleep (which was a euphemism for death, in the Chandler novel), and the most difficult title to explain "Crumping The Devil" - crumping being a sort of hip hop adjacent challenge dance, conflated with my vague memory of story about an old woman Mrs. Crump who was so awful the devil wouldn’t even take her.
ALL HALLOW'S EVE
OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a suburban street, can't you tell? Where else would you find "goblins"?
MUSIC SOMETHING CHILDLIKE
SCENE 1. OUTSIDE, STREET
SOUND FOOTSTEPS, COSTUMES
BOBBIE There you go, that one's got a light, now shh!
SOUND CRUNCHING OF LEAVES, THEN FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD.
SOUND DOORBELL RINGS. DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
CHILDREN Trick or Treat!!!
FRAN I'm a girl. And I'm a Martian.
SCENE 2. INSIDE, HOUSE
MRS. HOOPER Looks like we've got more goblins coming, dear!
RADIO VOICE --in the five county manhunt for--
OFFICER HOOPER Just a minute, hun. Gotta see what they're saying--
RADIO VOICE --involved in the Stanopopolus kidnapping-- [continues under]
MRS. HOOPER It's not your case. And it's Halloween. Just because Bobbie was kind enough to take Fran with her doesn't let you off for holiday spirit. At least until you go on shift.
SOUND SNAP. RADIO OFF.
MRS. HOOPER Well?
SCENE 3. OUTSIDE, STREET
BOBBIE Come on punkins, you must be getting tired by now!
BILLY [very tired] I'm not!
TIMMY I slept all day.
FRAN [raring to go] I only have half a bag. We can't stop yet!
BOBBIE It's almost 9 o'clock! No one will be up much longer.
BOBBIE All right. Three more houses. That's all.
FRAN Big houses always have the best treats. We should go to the Palmer's, the Winchell's and that big one on the corner.
BILLY On the corner? But, that's ... that's the haunted house!
TIMMY Scaredy cat.
FRAN Phooey! It was just empty. I saw someone moving in yesterday.
BOBBIE If they just moved in, they're probably not--
TIMMY Let's make Billy go into the haunted house!
BOBBIE No! Timothy--
BILLY No! I don't wanna--
FRAN Shut up! It's not haunted. Boys are dumb.
BILLY Not haunted?
BOBBIE Look, it's getting cold out here, so let's get a move on, whichever houses you plan to go to. OK?
SCENE 4. ON PORCH
SOUND TENTATIVE KNOCK ON THE DOOR
BILLY [scared, but hiding it - relieved] No one home!
FRAN I hear something!
SOUND DOOR OPENS SLOWLY
BOBBI Well, he looks normal enough.
GRIGG [weird foreignish accent] Help you may I?
TIM [giggles] He's funny.
FRAN We're here for candy. Trick or treat.
BOBBIE Oh, gosh, you're foreign aren't you? They might not even DO trick or treat where he comes from.
FRAN You have to give us candy or we have to play a trick on you!
BOBBIE That's hardly fair if he doesn't know the rules. Plus, you said it yourself, they just moved in.
GRIGG Candy? Schweets? I have--
BOOL [child's voice, off mike, accented] I want to go home! I hate it here! Take me home! [Tails off into gibberish with lots of Ls and Ss]
GRIGG [agitated] My child. He wants to go back to our old home. He is not used to this one. I should go to him.
SOUND DOOR SHUTS
TIMMY [beat] I don't want any foreign candy anyway.
BOBBIE No arguments. Time to go home.
SCENE 5. BOBBIE'S ROOM
SOUND TAP ON WINDOW
BOBBIE Hank, this is hardly--
SOUND WINDOW OPENS
BOBBIE Who's that? You're too short for Hank.
FRAN [whispered] It's me.
BOBBIE [sarcastic] So it's The Whisperer?
FRAN Me! Fran!
BOBBIE Fran? By Crosby, this is way too late for you to be out playing Halloween jokes, even on a Saturday night. You need to get home - your parents will be worried sick.
FRAN Dad's on patrol.
BOBBIE Oh, great, then he'll be the one to arrest you for something.
FRAN Did you listen to the radio at all tonight?
BOBBIE Only Corliss Archer. Gee, she has some trouble with--
FRAN Argh! The news?
FRAN The kidnapping news!
BOBBIE Look, let me get my penny loafers on and I'll walk you home.
FRAN The son of a Greek raccoon was kidnapped today. No, that's not right. Raccoon, typhoon--
FRAN A rich guy. He was kidnapped from their hotel room.
BOBBIE Was he a tycoon, or just a millionaire?
FRAN [whispered with emphasis] IT DOESN'T MATTER. We heard him, and we need to go rescue him.
BOBBIE We did what?
FRAN The kid at the haunted house. Screaming "I want to go home"? Does that maybe put some thought into that teased-up skull of yours?
BOBBIE They did sound awfully foreign, but I'm not sure if it's Greek.
FRAN Well it ain't Spanish or Chinese. Or French. What else is there?
BOBBIE Don't say "ain't" - it ain't in the dictionary.
FRAN Are you coming, or am I going by myself?
BOBBIE Why me?
FRAN Who else? Timmy? [dismissive noise] Besides, you're the only one tall enough to see in the windows.
SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, YARD
SOUND CREEPING THROUGH BUSHES
BOBBIE OK, this is silly. And dirty. I'm walking‑‑
FRAN No, we have to crawl! They'll see us!
BOBBIE No one's looking!
FRAN But the window's open, they'll hear us. [panic] Shh! Did you hear that?
BOBBIE [beat, listening, then dismissively] No.
FRAN [grumpy] Ok. Walk to the window. Get spotted. See if I care.
SOUND WALKING CAREFULLY ON GRAVEL. BUSHES RUSTLE
FRAN [off, loud whisper] I'm coming. Keep your hair on.
BOBBIE Don't worry-- Shh!
SOUND LOUD RUSTLE
SOUND [FROM INSIDE] CLICK, FOOTSTEPS
NOTE: BOOL AND GRIG ARE INSIDE, HEARD THROUGH A WINDOW, WHILE BOBBIE AND FRAN ARE OUTSIDE. EAVESDROPPING
BOOL I down wanna be here. Go home.
GRIGG "don't", not "down", child. You need talk some good words, living here.
BOOL No talk. No stay. Home!
GRIGG Home is soon enough. Soon as requirement is received.
FRAN [coming on, loud whisper] What are they saying?
BOOL [speaks foreign]
BOBBIE Is that Greek?
FRAN Oh, sure, I'm the expert.
GRIGG [angry] English. Need to hear normal!
BOBBIE [muttered] Like your English is so good, mister.
GRIGG People must not apprehend you are strange.
GRIGG Sleep, child. Dream of home.
BOBBIE Now that's just mean.
SOUND DOOR CLOSES
FRAN See? We've got to rescue him!
BOBBIE But what if--?
FRAN What if he turns up dead like little Charlie Lindburgh? How you gonna feel then?
BOBBIE You need to stop reading those crime books.
FRAN Argh! Fine. Boost me up, and you can go. I'll figure something out!
BOBBIE No. I-- I'll help, but only if the kid wants to come. That's where I draw the line - if he wants to stay, then we'll just... let your dad know and leave it at that.
FRAN Fine, but who's gonna ask him? Better do it now, or he might fall asleep.
BOBBIE [sigh, then voice raised a bit, calling quietly] Little boy?
BOOL [off, gasp]
BOBBIE We're here to --
FRAN [prompting, whisper] --to take you home.
BOBBIE We're here to take you home!
BOOL [off] Home?
SOUND SCUFFLE AS HE ROLLS OUT OF BED AND RUNS TO THE WINDOW
FRAN Yes, home! Don't you wanna go home?
BOBBIE Your parents must be worried sick about you.
BOOL What is *lala* parents? Want home!
FRAN Come on then, we'll get you out of there. Bobbie, give him a boost.
SCENE 7. OUTSIDE
SOUND NIGHT NOISES, WALKING ON SIDEWALK
SOUND MILD SCUFFLE
FRAN Put it on! They won't look twice at us if we got masks on!
BOBBIE It is a little late for--
FRAN So they'll worry, but they won't--
GRIGG [way off, unearthly shriek]
FRAN Eep! That sounds like--
BOBBIE What if he has a car?
FRAN Then we duck into the bushes - honestly, does every girl lose her brains when she grows into angora?
BOBBIE It's Acrilon.
GRIGG [slightly closer, shriek]
BOOL [squeak, ends in gasp]
SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS
SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, A LITTLE LATER
BOBBIE [whispered] Do you hear anything?
FRAN [listens, then whispered] Nope.
BOOL [whispered squeak]
BOBBIE [comforting whispers] Shh. It'll be o-k, kid. All we have to do is get you safe and then-- [sudden thought] Say, Fran, what is the plan? Where are we taking this poor kid?
FRAN [whispered, sarcastic] I thought we'd just lie here under this bush until morning and hope it doesn't rain.
BOOL [a bit too loud] What is *lala* rain?
BOBBIE Rain makes-- [whispered] Rain makes you wet. We should take him to your father. He'll know what to do to get him home.
BOOL [plaintive wail, way too loud] Home!
FRAN [whispered] Great. Now you've set him off again. We can't go to pop, cause - being a cop and all - he might just deduce I sneaked out.
BOOL Holme! Home!
BOBBIE [whispered] Well, you did.
FRAN [exasperated noise, then] Ssh!
BOOL Home-- [cut off in mid-word as a hand is clapped over his mouth, then a squeak]
FRAN [whispered] His parents must be worried sick about him-- we need to get him h-o-m-e.
BOBBIE [whispered] To Greece? [sarcastic] I'm pretty sure my folks' car doesn't have that much gas.
FRAN [whispered] See? There's still a little smarts under all that fluff! They're stopping at a hotel downtown.
BOBBIE [whispered] Which one?
FRAN [whispered] The news didn't say - there can't be that many, can there?
BOBBIE [exasperated] Ohhhh!
BOOL [muffled squeak]
GRIGG [distant, shriek]
FRAN [whispered] What is that weird guy doing? He's not exactly sneaky.
BOBBIE [whispered] Someone's going to--
SOUND CAR PULLS UP, SINGLE WHOOP OF SIREN
FRAN [normal voice, resigned] --Call my dad.
BOBBIE It's probably for the best - this bush isn't doing my Acrilon any good.
FRAN All right, but--
GRIGG [closer, shriek]
BOBBIE It's all right little boy, we won't let the scary man take you away.
SCENE 9. INSIDE, HOUSE
SOUND RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
FRED No way! How could they have found us?
BOB Stay cool. It's Halloween, it could be anything.
SOUND WINDOW SASH GOES UP
BOB [worried] Stop it.
SOUND REVOLVER HAMMER CLICKS BACK
FRED But it's parked right outside! I'm not going down for this! Go check on the kid.
SCENE 10. OUTSIDE, STREET
OFFICER HOOPER Ok, that's enough.
GRIGG [caught in mid-shriek] *Haysa?* [deep breath] What?
OFFICER HOOPER It's much too late, even on Halloween, to be running around screaming. Time to go home and sleep it off, pal.
GRIGG Sleep, what? I am missing child. Must find. Child will listen me. [starts to shriek]
OFFICER HOOPER [cutting off the shriek] Hey! I'm figuring you're new around here, so you may not understand how we do things in the U-S of A, but if your kid's gone missing, you need to let the authorities - that's me - know about it, so we - I - can help you.
GRIGG Help? Too many wordsssss. [wail] Bool!
BOOL [slightly off, squeak]
OFFICER HOOPER Eh?
FRAN [slightly off] SHH!
OFFICER HOOPER What the--?
OFFICER HOOPER Fran?
BOOL [squeak, quickly muffled]
OFFICER HOOPER Get down!
FRAN Bobbie, get the kid out of here!
OFFICER HOOPER That you, Barbara Chandler? Don't you move a muscle!
GRIGG [voice no longer sounds remotely human] WHAT IS THAT NOISE?
OFFICER HOOPER Stay down, sir, and let me handle this.
SOUND QUICK GRAPPLE
GRIGG [intense] YOU ME TELL - IS WEAPON? HURT MY CHILD?
BOBBIE Heavens to Bette Davis, Fran, it's the kid's real dad!
BOOL [long squeak]
OFFICER HOOPER [forced calm, but furious underneath] As long as they stay behind my car there, they will be fine, now let go of me and let me stop the idiot who's been shooting up my town.
GRIGG SHOOT ARE GUN ARE DANGER?
OFFICER HOOPER That's my job. You stay here, and when it's clear, you can go to your kid. [raising his voice] Bobbie! You get those children down behind the car, you hear?
BOBBIE Yes, sir, Officer Hooper!
OFFICER HOOPER [calling] You're still in trouble. [to Grigg] You. Stay.
SCENE 11. INSIDE, HOUSE
SOUND RADIO PLAYS UNDER
BOB You idiot! They weren't here for us!
FRED They won't take me alive! Federal
BOB Fine. You play at O-K Corral. I'll be out of the line of fire.
FRED [cold, commanding] Don't.
BOB What? You gonna shoot me, now?
FRED Bring the kid out here. We can still do this.
BOB Yeah, we give him back, and they take us alive. I like that - the being alive part.
FRED Get him!
SCENE 12. OUTSIDE HOUSE
OFFICER HOOPER Throw out your guns and come out with your hands up!
FRED [calling from inside] We've got the kid. Walk away or we kill him.
OFFICER HOOPER [calling to off] That's not going to happen. Let the kid go and I'll put in a good word for you.
FRED [from inside] I've got all the words I need, copper!
ARI [from inside] ow!
FRAN That must be the real Greek tyfoon's son,
OFFICE HOOPER [warning] Fran!? I told you to--
FRAN Pop! I'm going to be a policeman when I grow up, so I figure I should start learning.
OFFICER HOOPER No, you're not, and you shouldn't. This isn't a game. Get back over there--
FRAN He hasta run out of bullets ... eventually.
OFFICER HOOPER And how many guns does he have?
FRAN Huh? [shrug] I dunno. [realizing] Oh.
OFFICER HOOPER See? Now, get back--
OFFICER HOOPER [fading out] Oh, heck. Stay right here. On this spot, young lady.
SCENE 13. INSIDE, HOUSE, BUT HEARD FROM OUTSIDE
SOUND RADIO PLAYS UNDER
BOB [fading in] You've got the kid, you've got the gun. Let me go.
FRED Like you say, I've got the kid and the gun - what do I need you around for, ya bum?
BOB Good. [raising his voice] I'm coming out coppers! I'm giving myself up!
SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS
SCENE 14. OUTSIDE, SHIFT OF PERSPECTIVE, BUT NO ACTUAL SCENE BREAK
BOB Don't shoot!
SOUND BOB TAKES THREE MORE STEPS, THEN--
SOUND BODY FALLS
SOUND DOOR SLAMS
MOMENT OF SILENCE
FRAN Is that guy ... dead?
OFFICER HOOPER Dammit, I can't even go check.
GRIGG [incoherent, alien tongue]
OFFICER HOOPER Oh, jeez, not you too? [speaking slow] Go back. Your child is safe. Bobbie has him, over there.
GRIGG [deep breath, then equally slowly] This you child?
FRAN I'm Fran. I'm really really sorry about--
OFFICER HOOPER Yes. Much as I may want to deny it, she has my nose.
FRAN [not getting it] Huh?
GRIGG Much words. You child?
FRAN He don't speak much English, do he?
OFFICER HOOPER [sigh] Yes. Mine.
SOUND SKITTERING FOOTSTEPS
BOOL [Screamy squeak]
SOUND BODY DROP
FRAN [running off] Hey! Kid!
OFFICER HOOPER Fran! No!
SOUND [after a moment] SCUTTLING COMING CLOSER
FRAN [breathing hard] Here. I think he's OK.
GRIGG My child!
OFFICER HOOPER Fran, dammit!
FRAN What? He coulda got shot!
SCENE 15. INSIDE, HOUSE
SOUND RADIO ON IN BACKGROUND
FRED Kid, you speak English?
ARI A little.
FRED You know I'm gonna shoot you if you don't do everything I say?
SCENE 16. OUTSIDE
GRIGG Your child is brave heart.
OFFICER HOOPER That's one word for it.
GRIGG She bring safe my Bool.
OFFICER HOOPER Um, yeah. Dammit. I can't tell where that guy is.
GRIGG Some child is hurted there?
FRAN Stolen. Like we did, except we were only trying to help.
GRIGG [decisive] I help bring child to home.
OFFICER HOOPER At least you're an adult, even if you can't understand English. [talking loud again] We go in. You go left - that way - I go right. Get to wall, up against it, then to door.
OFFICER HOOPER Does he understand?
FRAN I guess. He's nodding.
OFFICER HOOPER You don't come with us.
FRAN But I--
OFFICER HOOPER Give me your hand.
FRAN Are you giving me a gun?
OFFICER HOOPER [heavy sigh]
SOUND HANDCUFFS SLAP ON WRIST, THEN ON DOOR HANDLE
OFFICER HOOPER Now you'll stay put. [sigh] I'm leaving the key here, in case.
SOUND KEY PUT DOWN ON CAR
OFFICER HOOPER Out of reach. [loud, to Grigg] We go.
SOUND RUNNING FEET, OFF IN TWO DIRECTIONS
SOUND AFTER THEY LEAVE, JINGLE OF STRUGGLING WITH HANDCUFFS
FRAN [grunting] Uun uun. Darn it.
SOUND SCRABBLING ON THE CAR HOOD, TRYING TO STRETCH
FRAN Hey, Bool?
FRAN Yeah, [talking slow] I'm Fran.
FRAN Good enough. Can you hand me that?
BOOL [Hmm noise]
FRAN [slowly again] Give to me?
BOBBIE [coming on] You're still here! Let's get going.
SOUND REACTION INCLUDING RATTLE OF THE HANDCUFFS
FRAN How'd you--?
BOBBIE I went around the block. I'm no dummy.
FRAN Brilliant! We should--
BOBBIE You are not talking me into any more shenanigans.
FRAN [whispered] Bool, get the key! [Up] Huh? No, of course not... I --
BOBBIE Are you -- chained to the car?
FRAN [too bright] No! Whatever gave you that idea? [whispered] Bool!
SOUND SMALL METAL SCRAPE
BOBBIE --so this isn't the key?
FRAN Oh -- Drat!
SCENE 17. OUTSIDE, AROUND HOUSE
SOUND RUSTLE IN A BUSH
OFFICER HOOPER [muttered] Ok, mister rat bastard kidnapper, let me get a look atcha.
GRIGG [off] Go?
OFFICER HOOPER [muttered] Oh, good, you know one word. [up, calling very quietly] Make a noise!
SOUND [OFF] CLATTER INSIDE
FRED [from inside] What the hell--?
OFFICER HOOPER Come out of there with your hands up!
FRED [from inside] What's that noise?
OFFICER HOOPER [sudden idea] Uh, what noise? I don't hear anything.
FRED [from inside] What do you mean--? You didn't hear that--
FRED [from inside] --that "THAT"?
OFFICER HOOPER [very pleased] Nope. Don't hear anything. They say some people are bothered more than others by [slight chuckle] haunted houses.
FRED [a bit disturbed] Haunted--?
SCENE 18. OUTSIDE AT CAR
BOBBIE If I unlock it, you have to come home.
FRAN [sounding almost teary] But- but our dads are in there.
BOBBIE That's what your dad does. It's his job.
FRAN But it's not Bool's dad's job.
BOBBIE Bool? Is that your name?
BOOL [sounding mournful] Chob.
FRAN See? He's upset too.
BOBBIE Is he? Tell you what, I'll get you home and then we'll call for more police.
FRAN [sniffing] But I was thinking... tsch. ohhhh.
SOUND THREE METAL TAPS - key on car
BOBBIE [thinking...] What?
FRAN [sounding really down] Nothing. Unlock me and we'll go home - [offhanded] even if we maybe COULD help.
FRAN Even if maybe our dads end up shot. [long sniff]
BOOL [squeaky sniff]
SOUND UNLOCKING HANDCUFF
BOBBIE Come on.
SCENE 19. INSIDE, HOUSE
SOUND SHUFFLING FEET AS FRED PACES NERVOUSLY, DRAGGING ARI BACK AND FORTH WITH HIM
SOUND RADIO IN BACKGROUND
FRED [to self] Haunted? Of course. That explains so much.
ARI Maybe there is ghosts?
FRED That's what haunted means, ain't it? And it's Halloween.
OFFICER HOOPER [from outside] It's late, pal. Almost the witching hour. Let's get this sorted out.
OFFICER HOOPER [from outside] You know, midnight. Let's settle this and get that kid home safe and sound.
FRED You're going to tell me I can still get out of this, huh? What about Bob out there?
OFFICER HOOPER Oh, your friend here?
FRED Friend. [snort] yeah.
OFFICER HOOPER Hmm. Killing him on the doorway of house like that might a been a bad move.
FRED Whadda you mean? Oh!
GRIGG [long, drawn-out shriek]
SOUND RUSTY CREAK OF DISTANT DOOR, INSIDE
FRED What the heck?
ARI [scared] Oh no!
FRED Shut up, kid. I'm trying to listen, you hear me?
ARI [gasp and sniff- trying to stay quiet]
FRED [trying to convince himself] It's those cops. They're doing this - [up, calling] You're doing this, aintcha, copper?
OFFICER HOOPER Doing what?
FRED [clinging to control] Making the damn noises!
OFFICER HOOPER [pleased with himself] What noises?
SCENE 20. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS
[NOTE, THEY WHISPER THROUGHOUT SCENE]
SOUND CREAKING MOVEMENT
BOBBIE [whispered] Frannie, if any of us end up dead, it is entirely your fault. That door was so loud.
FRAN On purpose. C'mon, the stairs are over here.
BOBBIE How do you know? This house--
FRAN Sleepover two years ago, when Jennie and Sam lived here.
BOBBIE Your father is going to kill me.
FRAN We'll be upstairs - well out of the line of fire. Now c'mon.
FRAN See, Bool agrees with me.
BOBBIE Yeah. Like a parrot. [sigh]
SOUND TIPTOEING FOOTSTEPS
SCENE 21. INSIDE, HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS
SOUND RADIO MUTTERS IN BACKGROUND
FRED [muttering] They've probably got the back door covered...
ARI [small voice] You should let me go.
FRED [about to hit him] Ahh!
SOUND CREAKING FOOTSTEPS SOUND IN WALL AND CEILING
FRED Shh! Hell! What's that?
ARI [scary whisper] Evil spirits.
FRED [gulp] Really?
ARI Maybe it is your dead friend. He is very angry, I think.
FRED [weak] Shut up.
SOUND THEIR SCUFFLING FOOTSTEPS
FRED We'll just - Let's go check it out, eh? I bet even ghosts don't like getting shot.
SCENE 22. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS
[NOTE: STILL WHISPERING]
FRAN OK, Bool, you see this vent?
BOBBIE Great, now he's Spanish.
FRAN Sh. Bool, lean in and make a scary noise, like this... [she does, and the noise echoes through the vents]
BOOL [like a laugh] Ah! [leans in, mimics her noise, but it ends in his standard squeak - all echoey]
BOBBIE Did we ever figure out where Bool and his dad come from?
FRAN This isn't the time. C'mon. Now, Bobbie, you creak this door - not too often, just from time to time. Got it?
SCENE 23. OUTSIDE NEAR FRONT DOOR
OFFICER HOOPER OK, fella, time to come out. [a beat] Are you in there? [beat] Oh, darn it all to--, they're gone. Come on - [slow] help me break in the door.
GRIGG [yes] *Heh*.
SCENE 24. INSIDE, HOUSE, UPSTAIRS
FRAN I'll be right across the hall - now start.
SOUND DOOR OPENS
BOBBIE Oh, no!
BOOL [squeak, which echoes]
FRED Ghosts, eh. Looks like I got me a bunch more bargaining chips. All of you move out here in the hall, real slow. [snarls] Get over there--
SOUND THUD AS HE HITS THE WALL
FRED Keep your hands where I can see 'em!
FRAN [sarcastic] Of course, I might just have a gun.
FRED Keep your mouth shut!
FRAN [gasps in real pain]
BOOL [mimics her gasp]
FRED You, too!
BOOL Flan! [squeaky growl] Lalalala!
FRED What the hell's wrong with that kid?
BOOL [growl builds]
FRED [starting to get freaked out] Stop it. What the hell?
BOBBIE Fran, is Bool glowing?
FRAN [sniff, then uncertain] Um, I think so.
BOOL [shriek which is a childish echo of Grigg's]
FRED [scream of terror]
BOBBIE, BOOL, FRAN, ARI - scream, gasp, etc.
SOUND POUNDING FEET COMING UP THE STAIRS
GRIGG [full-on shriek, deeper and very alien]
OFFICER HOOPER Holy cow! What the--?
FRED The light! No! [drawn out scream, which fades into a weird little popping noise]
BOBBIE I guess we--[gasp] might know--[gasp] where they came from, now.
OFFICER HOOPER [suspicious] Where'd he go?
GRIGG I made him nothing. He try my child hurt. Your child also.
OFFICER HOOPER Yeah, I, uh, noticed--
FRAN [excited] Are you guys Martians?
OFFICER HOOPER [exasperated] --but she's clearly fine.
GRIGG I know not Marchan.
BOOL [Part muffled, satisfied] Flan!
FRAN [just as pleased] Bool!
BOBBIE I don't know what to tell you, Mister - officer, I mean - Hooper.
OFFICER HOOPER Don't worry, I blame my daughter. [Back to Grigg] So we don't have to worry about him coming back?
GRIGG Nothing. No colme back.
OFFICER HOOPER And what exactly - well - are you?
ARI They saved us, is that not enough?
FRAN Yeah. They're "good people," as mom would say.
GRIGG No concern, Hooper man. We no stay now, you see us be do that. We find more - uh - new home.
BOOL Home? No! [plaintive] Flan!
GRIGG [softly] No, Bool. Go.
OFFICER HOOPER Tell me one thing, Grigg. You planning to invade?
FRAN He means are you gonna bring a bunch of people here and try and take over the planet - like in the movies?
GRIGG We hide - no one come with. Bad place come away. Alone.
BOBBIE Are you thinking--?
OFFICER HOOPER [considering] I'm thinking I don't want to try writing this up. Much easier if we just didn't see anything. The one guy shot the other, then when he saw it was hopeless, he skedaddled.
BOBBIE But-- what--?
FRAN I didn't see anything. You, Ari?
ARI No. I was much too frightened. He threw me against a wall and then ran off before my head cleared.
FRAN See, Bobbie?
BOBBIE That's kinda cute. Good thing I-- I didn't see anything else. Besides, anyone who would do whatever it takes to protect their kid - well, they can't be too bad.
OFFICER HOOPER You're still not babysitting for Fran ever again.
BOBBIE [truly relieved] Oh! Thank you!
OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...