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19 Nocturne Boulevard

19 Nocturne Boulevard is an award-winning anthology audio drama series that ran from 2008 through 2013, and then went into deep hibernation.

STILL working on that Comeback!!

Also the creator of Fatal Girl, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Lovecraft 5, The Prisoner of Hancock House, The Decadence of Borrowed Silk, Eternal Dusk Roulette, and Atomic Julie's Galactic Bedtime Stories.                                                        Join our awesome Patreon supporters!

Nov 17, 2022

A new story chased by our best friends at the Weekly Bugle.

Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson

Cast List
Leona  - Robyn Keyes
Theo "Smoothie" Walsh - Henry Mark
Chief - Julie Hoverson
Forsythe Dickman III - Mark Olson
Farmer Hadley - Garr Godfrey
Daisy - Cailean Evedus
Bartender - Charles Austin Miller
Desk Clerk - Brown Monkey’s Old dude
Second Demon - Sherman bear
Reporters - Bryan, Wes, and Uncle Randy of Drunken Zombie, plus Brown Monkey

Music by  John Woodward
Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:  Les Clay

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's a familiar newsroom, can't you tell?"


A Telegram Satan!


Theo "Smoothie" Walsh
Forsythe Dickman III
Farmer Hadley

OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a tabloid bullpen, can't you tell? 


Scene 1.   

SOUND     PEOPLE ON PHONES, moving through the room

REPORTER JUNE    How many mummies? [dubious] Uh... we can't send a photographer for less than eight.

REPORTER BOB    So can we quote you on the health benefits of nude white water rafting?

REPORTER KATHY    We just want to give you a chance to tell your side of the story, doctor...

REPORTER FRED    And when the wax was ripped away, it left an image of jesus in your chest hair?

Scene 2.   

CHIEF    Shut the door.


THEO    Where's Leona?

CHIEF    She'll be here in a minute.  Wanted to say something to you first… just the two of us.

THEO     [a little worried] Yeah?

CHIEF    You're a cute young guy, Theo...

THEO    [starting to panic] Uh...

CHIEF    You seeing anyone right now?

THEO    I'm kind of ...married to the news.

CHIEF    I know the feeling.

THEO    Uh...!

CHIEF    It's a nice sentiment, but you can’t let the news rule your life, sweetheart.

THEO    Uh.  When is Leona gonna get here?

CHIEF    What are you doing on Friday night?

THEO    Uh... Uh... I ...

CHIEF    Cause my niece really really needs someone to take her to her senior prom, and I figure if you're married to the news, you're about as safe as they get.

THEO    [relieved] Oh!  ah!  I can clear Friday night.

CHIEF    It's either you or Forsythe Dickman the third, and I really don't want that greasy bastard within a city block of my poor little Aida.

THEO    Who?

CHIEF    But you didn't hear that from me.


THEO    Dickman?

DICKMAN    Yeah.

THEO    [gasp]  Oh!  I thought it would be Leona.


CHIEF    Smoothie Walsh, meet Forsythe Dickman the third.  His grandpa just picked up half the business.

DICKMAN    Things are gonna run a little different around here.

THEO    Oh.  Is that good?

CHIEF    [insincere] Sure it is.  We're just tickled to death to have some new blood in at the managerial level.


LEONA    Oh.


THEO    Leona--?  She left.

CHIEF    Musta forgot something.

DICKMAN    Is that Leona Pope?  [chuckle nastily]  I think she remembered something.

THEO    Should I ...go?

CHIEF    No, I was about to drop a lead on you. 

DICKMAN    I hope you have something good.

CHIEF    Oh, are you staying?

DICKMAN    Gramps wants me to learn the tabloid business from the very bottom.  So yeah, I'm staying.


Scene 3.   



THEO    [off] Leona?

LEONA    Are you alone?

THEO    Uh, yeah.

LEONA    Come on up, then.

THEO    That's a little far out on the ledge, isn't it?

LEONA    It's the only place for miles around that's far enough from a door to legally smoke.

THEO    Oh.  [beat] We have an assignment.

LEONA    We as in you and me, or is there more "we" than I'm aware of?

THEO    Uh, no.  Were you expecting someone?

LEONA    [sigh]  I'll come down.


Scene 4.   


LEONA    What's the story?

THEO    I was about to ask you the same thing.

LEONA    [grr] The story we're supposed to go and get.

THEO    Oh!  Cattle mutilation.  It's a bit of a drive.

LEONA    And Dickman?

THEO    No.  He's got a story of his own.

LEONA    Which is?

THEO    [a bit envious] The Weed-Whacker killer.

LEONA    Figures.  Dickman gets the latest serial sensation and we get cow guts.

THEO    Well, it's actually--

LEONA    That jackass gets everything he wants.  Almost.

THEO    Sounds like you have a history.

LEONA    Used to have an entire curriculum.

THEO    Huh?

LEONA    [getting annoyed] History.  Chemistry.  Biology...  [disgusted] Drama


Scene 5.   


LEONA    Bucolic.

THEO    I've never been on a farm before!

LEONA    I've worked hard to avoid them myself.

HADLEY    Hallooo!  You must be the folks from the World Bugle!

THEO    Must we?  Ah, yes.  We must!  I mean, that's us!

LEONA    [flat] Show us the cows.

HADLEY    I'm Mr. Hadley, and this is Lulu.

LULU    [goat] Maaaa.

LEONA    Don't try and tell me that's a cow.

HADLEY    No, no.  Lulu's a goat. They're better than dogs.  They can stand guard, fetch, and they're very loyal

GOAT    Maaa.

LEONA    You tell him.  Show us the cows.

HADLEY    She can even fetch – here.

THEO    A ball?  Should I throw it?

HADLEY    Nah – just hold it up.  Fetch Lulu!



THEO    Ow.

HADLEY    And now she gets the ball.  Just a little goat humor.


THEO    [sigh] Tell us all about this problem you're having with your cattles being... mutilated.

LEONA    Cattle is already plural.

HADLEY    Come along and you can see for yourself.

THEO    Ew?  I mean - it's been a couple of days.  Won't they be a bit ... ripe?

LEONA    [musing] Really quick shutter. 

THEO    What?

LEONA    Catches all the flies in mid-flight.

THEO    Ewwww..

HADLEY    Oh, are you thinking my cows are dead?  Oh. No.  Come on.


Scene 6.   

LEONA    [stunned] And WHEN did this happen?

THEO    How many are there?

HADLEY    Five.  Bessie, Buttercup, Wilamina, Miss Amoorica, and Fred.

LEONA    You have a cow named Fred?

HADLEY    She's had a hard life.

THEO    And all five of them have these...

HADLEY    Big tattooed triangles.  Yep.

LEONA    Does it go underneath, too, or just end there?

HADLEY    Nope.  Each one has her entire left flank covered in

THEO    And it's not just paint?

HADLEY    Nope. 

LEONA    Humh.  Punk cows.  Next thing you know, they'll be going for nipple piercings.

THEO    That would really be --

LEONA    [trying not to laugh] An udder mess.

THEO    Ew.  This doesn't look like something that happened overnight.

HADLEY    Nope.  Someone's a-sneaking in each night and doing it.

LEONA    And they got THIS much done before you noticed?

HADLEY    What can I say?  I'm a right-sided milker. 


Scene 7.   


THEO    Ah, nature.

LEONA    One thing you can say for nature.  It stinks.

THEO    That's the smell of life!

LEONA    No, it's the smell of the cowpie you just stepped in.

THEO    Ew.  Hey look!  Someone's coming!

LEONA    Is it Lulu?

THEO    No!  [excited] It looks like a girl!

LEONA    Can't you tell? 

DAISY    [off, calling]  He-ey!

THEO    Hiya!

LEONA    [hissed, hinting]  Interview.  Witness.  Stay on task.

THEO    What?


THEO    Right.  Hello, miss--?

DAISY    [running up, panting]  I'm Daisy!

THEO    Yeah? 

LEONA    [hissed] Does she live near here?

THEO    Do you--?

DAISY    I'm just one farm over.

THEO    Oh.  Good.

LEONA    Does she know anything about the cows?

DAISY    Huh?

THEO    HuH?

LEONA    Tell you what.  We're gonna play blindfold questions.

DAISY    That sounds like fun!

THEO    What?  [muffled] Hey, what are you doing? [clear again] But I can't see anything now!

LEONA    That's the idea. 

DAISY    Who are you folks anyway?  I never got a chance to--

THEO    We're from the World Bugle.  Investigating the cows.

DAISY    Oh!  The tattoos?

THEO    Yeah.  Are they happening at your farm too?

LEONA    Turn to the left, just a bit. 

THEO    Huh?

LEONA    You're talking to her shoulder.

THEO    Ah.

DAISY    Well, no, ain't no one else in the valley having the same problem.  And no one can figure out how it's happening, nohow!

THEO    No one knows how he's doing it?

DAISY    He?  Do you know who it is?

THEO    Just reporter shorthand.  Playing the odds.  [serious sounding] Most of these kind of... uh "perps" are male.  82%, in fact.

LEONA    Nice fake.

DAISY    Wow!

THEO    Not that we rule anyone out.  You could even be the one doing this.

DAISY    Not me!  I can't even draw a cow.  [sudden interest]  Who's that?

LEONA    Who?  Shit!  My turn for the blindfold.


THEO    [Baffled]  Leo?  What? Why are you tying that over your whole face?

LEONA    [muffled] Shut up!

DICKMAN    [coming on] Finally some sign of life out here in the hinterlands.

DAISY    I dunno where hinter's land is.  Is he new around here?

THEO    [getting it]  Oh!  Hi, Mr. Dickman.

DICKMAN    You can call me Ace, kid.

THEO    [chummy] And you can call me Theo, Ace.

LEONA    [muffled] "Smoothie"

THEO    Shh.

DAISY    Can I call you Ace too?  You look kinda familiar.  Have we ever met?

DICKMAN    So, kid, who's the chick in the turban?

THEO    Oh, she's my new ... intern.  Uh, she's -uh- devout.  Can't show her face.

DAISY    But she had it off--

LEONA    [zhagareet - high pitched warble]

THEO    [running over]  We're very equal-opportunity at the world bugle, you see. 

DAISY    Say, you look kinda like Clint Eastwood.  Are you related to Clint Eastwood?

DICKMAN    [ignoring Daisy] Does she speak English, at least?

THEO    Only to people she's been... properly introduced to.  It's very ...protective.

DICKMAN    Doesn't make for much of a reporter. 

THEO    [warming to his lie] That's why she's learning to take photographs instead.  [talking loud and slow like he's talking to someone foreign] Take picture now?  Show?

LEONA    [muttered and muffled] I got something to show you--

THEO    [snap] Jasmine?  Take picture!

LEONA    [sort of vaguely pakistani] oh, yess.  Picture take i.


DICKMAN    Hey!  You didn't need a flash!  It's broad daylight!  Right in my damn eyes.


LEONA    Many apologies!

DAISY    Wanna take a picture of me?

DICKMAN    [stalking closer] Hey!  That camera - it looks kinda familiar.

THEO    [covering] Oh! They all look alike.

LEONA    [panicking] uh -- No more talk.  Time to pray. 


LEONA    [muttering, muffled]

THEO    You better not bother her now.  She gets these breaks a - a bunch of times every day.  It's freedom of religion, man.

DICKMAN    I'm sure I've seen her before.  And she ain't no --

THEO    ACE!  Don't use that kind of language!  [whispered] You could get us sued!


DAISY    Can she take a picture of ME when she gets up?


Scene 8.   


THEO    That was kind of...

LEONA    Mortifying?

THEO    Well...  You don't know much about other cultures, do you?

LEONA    I only had to fool him, and he knows less.  [annoyed] It's kind of like if you and I ever run into a lion - I don't have to outrun the lion... I just have to outrun you.

THEO    Are there a lot of lions in - [getting it] Ohhh...

[moment of awkward silence]

LEONA    I suppose you're wondering about all this.

THEO    No.

LEONA    It's the most embarrassing episode of my life.

THEO    Oh.  I wouldn't want to pry.

LEONA    Back when I was young and foolish.

THEO    [astonished] You were young?

LEONA    And that disgusting hunk of manhood swept me off my girlish feet...

THEO    [getting a bit weirded out] girlish?

LEONA    He was so confident...

THEO    Uh, Leona...

LEONA    So self assured...

THEO    Come on, Leona.

LEONA    And when he walked away that dark and stormy morning, leaving me lying in a puddle of my own tears... 

THEO    Please stop.

LEONA    [snarl] He walked away with the best scoop I'd ever had. 

THEO    [relieved sigh] Oh!

LEONA    That's why you can't tell him anything about our story.  Not one iota.

THEO    Why would I, I don't plan to--

LEONA    He'll knock on the door any minute now.


THEO    Wow!

LEONA    Take him to the bar. 

THEO    But what do I do?

LEONA    Get him drunk.  Keep him talking.


LEONA    [sharp whisper] Oh, and while you’re distracting him—

THEO    Distracting?

LEONA    Yeah.  See if you can steal his story!


Scene 9.   


DICKMAN    This is the life, eh?  Just us guys.  Us reporters.  No one understands the loneliness…

THEO    Uh, yeah.

DICKMAN    The mantle of responsibility we don every day--  

THEO    Really?

DICKMAN    Our responsibility to the public!  To keep them informed. 

THEO    Oh!  Is that why your – uh – family bought into the World bugle?

DICKMAN    Nah.  Grandad just loves Ratboy. 

THEO    Oh.  [trying to be subtle] goes it with the weed-whacker?

DICKMAN    [suspicious] Hey – you trying something?

THEO    No!  Just  thought… uh… I might be able to [uncertain] Help?

DICKMAN    I don’t need any help.

THEO    But I might have heard something.  A lead.

DICKMAN    [skeptical] Reeeeally?

THEO    Oh, yeah.  [warming to it]  I overheard something.  Recently.  About –uh – [lost, then bright idea] about someone buying a lot of weed whackers!

DICKMAN    Really?  And what could possibly make you think that he would need more than one weed whacker?

THEO    He?

DICKMAN    Playing the odds.  82% of these perps are male, you know.

THEO    Oh, yeah.  I know.

DICKMAN    [intimidating] But what made you say that?

THEO    Its just what I heard!  Really!

DICKMAN    [relenting]  Cuz that’s a detail the police have insisted on keeping back from the public. 

THEO    Oh!


HOTEL CLERK    May I help you?

LEONA    [talking in a fake deep voice] Package for Mr. Dickmam.  What room is he in?

HOTEL CLERK    I can accept that for him.

LEONA    No. uh – it’s special delivery.  From the head office.

HOTEL CLERK    I can page him.

LEONA    Can’t wait.  Must stay… refrigerated.  Plus, he’s probably out on assignment--

HOTEL CLERK    I think he’s just over in the bar.

LEONA    [sigh, drops the voice]  Fifty bucks?


HOTEL CLERK    [low response] Here’s the spare key.  Have a nice day!


Scene 10.   


THEO    --And he woke up with a donkey’s head!

DICKMAN    What, like in the bed next to him?

THEO    No, this is Shakespeare, not the Godfather!  Like his head was a donkey’s head.

DICKMAN    [musing] Shakespeare WAS the original godfather.  I think you might have a story there.

THEO    Still not as good as yours!

DICKMAN    When you been in the biz as long as I have…


BARTENDER    No, sorry.  We don’t serve those here.

DICKMAN    [nasty laugh] Must be talking about your “sidekick.”

THEO    Ew!

BERTENDER    Oh, someone NAMED Smoothie.  I’ll check.  [up] Is there a--

THEO    [quick, sharp] It’s for me!

DICKMAN    Smoothie?

THEO    Code name.  Top secret.  [to phone]  Yeah?  Yeah!  Oh yeaaaaahhhhh.


DICKMAN    Yeah?

THEO    Yeah.  Gotta go.  The –uh- cows came home.


Scene 11.   


THEO    We always seem to end up outside in the dark waiting for dangerous people.

LEONA    That’s where the stories are.

THEO    Did you find out anything?

LEONA    Just that he’s got nothing.  [chuckles]

THEO    Isn’t that bad for the paper?  I mean, they still need stories!

LEONA    Puppy.  [gasp]  Look!

THEO    Lights!  Is it aliens?

LEONA    Coleman.

THEO    Who’s Coleman?

LEONA    A lamp.  It’s just the farmer.  He must have the same idea we do.

THEO    We do?

LEONA    To keep watch until the vandal shows up.

THEO    Would this fall under vandalism?  Hmm…  I guess cows count as property.

LEONA    Shh!  Look!

THEO    He’s just going in to check on them.

SOUND    Mooooo

THEO    That didn’t sound happy.

LEONA    They’re cows.  They don’t really “do” happy.

THEO    Hey, where’s Lulu?

LEONA    Lulu?

THEO    The goat- he said she follows him everywhere.

LEONA    I dunno.  Sleeping?

THEO    Let’s get closer to the barn.


Scene 12.   


THEO    [whispering] I told you there was something wrong with a man who would leave his goat behind!

LEONA    If I had a nickel for every time I've heard…

SOUND    Bzz.  Mooooo!

THEO    [standing up]  How dare you!

LEONA    Oh, boy.

HADLEY/DEMON    Who dares disturb me at my work.

THEO    Uh… does he sound different?

LEONA    I’ll be in the bushes – uh – stall.

HADLEY/DEMON    Come forward, mortal.

THEO    uh--

LEONA    He means you.  [uh - pushing him]


THEO    [whisered] What do I do?

LEONA    Interview him.  It.  Nah, think of it as a him – less scary that way.

HADLEY/DEMON    What do you want?

THEO    [gulp] I -- want to hear your side of the story!


THEO    Uh, clearly you’re doing something here – and very artistically, I might add – but I can’t imagine a … s-something, such as yourself doing it for no reason.  You must have a … a purpose.  The people want to know!

LEONA    [hissed] step to the left!

THEO    Huh?

LEONA    You’re blocking my shot!

HADLEY/DEMON    You think you will shoot me?  Muhahahaha!  Mortal bullets will have no effect!

THEO    no!  no!  not shot shot.  Just picture shot.

LEONA    [whispered] Stay in the light - in case he eviscerates you.

HADLEY/DEMON    Pictures, yes.  I make pictures too.

THEO    Right!  What are they for?

HADLEY/DEMON    For?  They are a summoning!  When the ring is complete, he will come!

THEO    [shock and awe] Satan?

HADLEY/DEMON    [matter of fact] Nonsense, he’s much too busy.  That’s why I’m here.  [demony again] NO!  It is the renegade that I am here to summon.  I have been placed in his path and he will be mine! 


HADLEY/DEMON    [petulant]  If some people will go away and leave me to my work.

THEO    maybe we can help?

LEONA    [whispered] Ixnay!  Otnay our Objay!

HADLEY/DEMON    Help?  You?

THEO    I mean, if you will spend a little time maybe telling us more about what you’re doing?

HADLEY/DEMON    Hmm…. [thinks long] Which do you think is my good side?


Scene 13.   


THEO    We should tell him!  He must have been drugged, or delusional, or sleepwalking!

LEONA    [assured]  Possessed.

THEO    or sleepwalking.

LEONA    Possessed makes for a better story.

THEO    Oh. 

LEONA    Did you have the mini recorder with you?

THEO    Uh, no.

LEONA    Dammit Smoothie!

THEO    I did ... something else with it.

LEONA    What?

THEO    Let me see if it worked first.

LEONA    [sigh] whatever.  What’s important is to figure out what questions to ask this demon possessor when we talk to him tonight.

THEO    Tonight?

LEONA    Meanwhile, we can get some quality time with the girls.

THEO    Girls?  You mean like Daisy?

LEONA    No, I mean like Fred.


Scene 14.   


SOUND    Moos

THEO    Oh, those girls.

LEONA    Shh.  You’ll put them off.

THEO    What are we doing here?

LEONA    Getting glamour shots.  What else?  Move that one in behind the one with the white ear.

THEO    Why don’t we ask farmer Hadley to help with this?  I don’t know anything about cow maneuvers.

DICKMAN    [off, hding]  [Laughs]

LEONA    [starts to laugh, then cuts it off with a snarl]

THEO    Holy cow!

LEONA    Five of them.  Come out, Dick.

DICKMAN    Leona?  And here I thought you’d converted.

THEO    Maybe I should leave you two alone?

LEONA    Yeah.  I’m a transformer.  {nyea-uh-uh-ow – transformer noise]  Just call me optimus kick your ass.

THEO    Help me out, Fred,  They’re not listeneing.


THEO    Ew. [up]  We should go back to the – things to do – back at the hotel?

LEONA    No.  I want to know why this notorious poacher is hanging around our story?  Could it be because he’s stumped on his own?

DICKMAN    Im never stumped.  I’m [thinks, then nasty triumph] I’m multitasking!

LULU    [outside]  Maaaaa

THEO    Hey guys, here comes Lulu!  Better be nice.

DICKMAN    Who’s LuLu?  Is she that dishy Barbie in the teensy cutoffs from yesterday?

LEONA    [chuckles] Nah, she’s even more perfect for you. 

DICKMAN    [suggestive] Hot, stupid and has a great story?

LEONA    [taking it personally]  I was never hot – I mean, I was never STUPID!


THEO    [loudly, trying to break up the fight] Oh, Farmer Hadley!  Lulu!  How nice to see you both!

LEONA    Here Dickman.  Hold this.  Lulu, fetch!

LULU    Maaaa!

DICKMAN    What’s with the ball?  Ow!



Scene 15.   


THEO    He said he’d explain the whole thing tonight.

LEONA    Smacks of super villain rhetoric.

THEO    Huh?

LEONA    You know, all that “Before I kill you, Mister Bond” crap.

THEO    Kill?

HADLEY/DEMON    Oh, yes, I am here to kill.

THEO    [gasp!]

LEONA    [gasp] I’ll be in the hayloft.

HADLEY/DEMON    {chuckles]  I thought you might like a sound bite for your show.

THEO    Uh, we’re print news.

HADLEY/DEMON    Too bad.  That would have been sweet.

THEO    But we do have a website!

LEONA    But he wasn’t recording.

HADLEY/DEMON    [disgruntled] Well, stay out of my way, then.

THEO    You said tonight you would reveal all.

LEONA    I’ll get the wide angle lens.

HADLEY/DEMON    Tonight I will return an escaped soul back to hell!!!

LEONA    Is his name Dickman?

HADLEY/DEMON    He’s not an escapee.  But we have him on our radar.

THEO    Ew.

LEONA    Good.

HADLEY/DEMON    No, this is a soul that escaped and is even now cutting a swath across the country!

THEO and LEONA    [unison]  The weed-whacker!?

LEONA    [musing] Scooping him is almost better than sending him to hell…

HADLEY/DEMON    These cows are the living, breathing summoning spell.  Watch as I circle them up, nose to tail--

LEONA    Facing widdershins, I see.

THEO    Huh?

LEONA    Anti-clockwise?

THEO    Oh.

HADLEY/DEMON    It’s a satanic thing.

THEO    Ahh.

LEONA    Omigod!

HADLEY/DEMON    [slightly offended] Please!

LEONA    Just an interjection.  I see it all now!  I relaly do need to get up into the hayloft!

THEO    Why?

HADLEY/DEMON    Why don’t you both go up there and observe?

THEO    Uh, okay.

LEONA    Come on!


HADLEY/DEMON    [begins the chant]  loren ipsum dolar sit amat…

THEO    What am I supposed to see?

LEONA    Look down!


THEO    Uh...Cows.

LEONA    and?

THEO    Oh!  Oh, wow!  When they’re all in a circle like that, with the tattooed triangles on the inside, it makes--

LEONA    A pentagram.  Yeah.  Trippy.


THEO    Did you hear that?

LEONA    Hear what?


THEO    I’ll go check.

LEONA    [absorbed in her work] Yeah, yeah.


THEO    [muttered] I think it was over … here?

DICKMAN    [muffled a bit, dictating]  Investigating strange noises in the barn, hoping that the killer was hiding out, I courageously – no, scratch that – with no thought for my own safety, just the safety of the world, I pressed on.

THEO    [to self] Oh, heck!  [quiet, calling]  Leona?

LEONA    [snapped hiss] Busy.

THEO    Oh, boy…


HADLEY/DEMON    [Cuts off in mid-sentence]  [dramatic] You!

WW DEMON    [dramatic] Yes, it is I!

HADLEY/DEMON    [matter of fact] I’m here to take you home, Jerry.

WW DEMON    I don’t wanna.

HADLEY/DEMON    Too bad.  Get in the box.

WW DEMON    [huffy sigh]  Fine.  But I’m going because I want to and not because you told me to.

HADLEY/DEMON    Yup.  Just like the last four times.  whatever.


DICKMAN    Is that it?

HADLEY/DEMON    Yeah.   Why?

DICKMAN    Seems anti-climactic.

HADLEY/DEMON    Who do I look like?  Peter Jackson?  Gotta go, then.  [to Leona] One mor pic before I drop this carcass?


DICKMAN    [stunned] You!

LEONA    [sneering] You! 

THEO    Uh, guys--!


DICKMAN    This is my story, Leo.  But I'll let you in as my photographer.

THEO    Guys???

LEONA    I'll give you a shot.  But not from my camera!


THEO    I'll be in the bushes.


Scene 16.   


SOUND    CLICK, turns off

CHIEF    [concerned] Is Leona's film okay?

THEO    Oh, yeah.  It was the weirdest thing, too - no one was actually hurt, but they all had this weird blackout period.  I guess I got away early enough to miss most of it, but even I don't rmember everything on the tape.

CHIEF    Waitaminute - didn't you say in there somewhere that you didn't have your recorder on you?

THEO    Uh, yeah... 


LEONA    Here's those photos.


CHIEF    [going through]  yeah, yeah. Yeah - OHHH!  Nice goat.  Yeah, yeah.  Cute.  Holy crap!

LEONA    [chuckles]

THEO    Hwat - what was that?

CHIEF    I take it this compromising picture of Forsythe Dickman the third has some little part in why you got his story without him arguing at all?

LEONA    [overly innocent] Nah - he just admitted that it was all one story from the beginning, and since we did all the work--

THEO    [confidential]  It was really hard, getting the goat to stand still for the picture!

CHIEF    you didn't- uh - I mean, that poor goat!

LEONA    Nah, once we got her into the tutu - it's all in the lighting. 

THEO    Was harder to dress Dickman.

CHIEF    Well, get out of here and write up your story-- My personal shopper Pierre is gonna be in here any minute - Wednesday is intimates.

LEONA    Going.  Now.


Scene 17.   

REPORTER FRED    Oh, please, you're the fourth Hitler sighting this week!

REPORTER KATHY    Are you sure these tiny people who appear when you drink from your magic bottle aren't just ...uh... D-Ts?

REPORTER BOB    And you're willing to wear that fur suit and infiltrate the secret hideout?  Do you know the paw-shake?


REPORTER JUNE    [excited yell]  Aliens are landing in Branson!!!  They're demanding tickets for Dolly!